The last few days...

The first question that comes in mind is that whether these actually are the last few days...you don't know how tremendously hopeful a girl she is...she will ruin her own life and keep hoping that everything will be fine. She is all in dreams that her prince will come to visit her in Bangalore...and she will prepare him food and sweets...and how we two would spend time together...She had even happened to dream that he will visit her on her birthday...but then that seemed a bit far fetched....so she kept herself contented with the dream that he will call me....and wish me....this girl is really the most stupid one on earth. Now that her days are numbered in this country...she doesn't cease laughing even for a while...and that day....I was laughing away....so much so that I had to hide my face...I was sitting beside him....I hid my face on his desk....and then tears started flowing...I was so scared....I hurriedly wiped them and moved to my desk....hope he didn't notice...just going through extremes of emotion...and this reminds me...what about him?

Monday I had reached office early....he didn't even smile at me....I gulped down my half smile....and then we were two professionals sitting side by side and working away....at around 12 he said something and as is his habit, turned towards me, said kyon D... and smiled. We went for lunch shortly afterwards. As we were coming out of the building he murmured that the date has come in....either 30th Nov or 7th Dec. I was very casual....and his voice was quite quite broken....it is since that day I find he shows that extra amount of concern for me....I know not why...he says things he shouldn't tell....kabhi alvidah na kehna....bholisi surat...songs only....when did he speak to me except in songs...and then he takes great care in mentioning that I should not think over what he tells, just let go....let go and let go...would anything stay back for Pupu? Then why did he call last evening? It was such a curious and apparently unnecessary call...

Happy Deepavali

I can never forget these days...for these were the rare moments which made me happy...happy as I have been never before and won't be ever after. Where from that happiness came is not something I can tell. May be because throughout my life I have never reached out for friends and here I found people who on their own accord reached out to me. How and when they touched my heart I know not...I don't even know whether I should really use plural while writing this. For in my mind I know that it is a singular person. One person whom everyone likes and I also got to like. One person for which my stable relationships became unstable, my closest friends condemned me of unfaithfulness and my little left over dream of having a normal life was shattered...and yet after all these I never complained against that person, never demanded anything from him and kept loving him even more and more. I know not what charm that person has. I know not why I toss in my bed in my sleep as I remember him. I know not why a heavenly smile comes on my lips every morning as I wake up thinking of that person. I know not why color this person has brought to my life that I keep glowing. All I know is that he brought back the things I have always loved, and lost in the course of my life, and was too morosed even to realise that I have lost my very own dear things. Like reading. Like music. Music was one thing that kept me alive. How I chirped like a bird all day, how my constant 24 hours round the clock attempt at singing would irritate everyone, even my parents. And then came a time when I didn't sing at all. I started getting headache when I listed to music. At one point of time I even wondered why people listen to music? Don't they get bored? There's a difference between doing and pretending. When I had packed my mp3 player in while coming to Singapore, I had only pretended to myself that I'd listen to a lot of songs, but actually never did. 6 months went by without music. And when it came it came as waves sweep the sea shore. I knew not what was happening. They speak of destiny. If this was not destiny then what else was. My world changed in a moment. And it was not a steady peaceful moment when it changed. I was pent up, and almost on the verge of destruction...and had it not changed then, it would have never got a chance to change.
Everything said and done...the only question remains is that what should I do now. This man has brought back my faith in God. He has given me the pleasures of life which I never imagined. He taught me the meaning of togetherness. I actually got to know that you can feel that you are being cared even when you are apparently being ignored. What have I not learnt from this man. I have seen him giving up even his most cherished things for me, yet I could never confidently interpret his love. What should I do now. And what did I do to to make you so pensive. My brown eyed prince don't be so sad, God will take care of everything.

I don't know what you say...

I really don't know your mind...and I don't trust what my mind tells me. True that I have no doubt that I love you...but I don't understand what you feel. I have asked you a number of times whether I should believe all you say...you have laughed away...do you ever feel how you make me suffer? But it is such a sweet suffering that I cannot even complain. This suffering has given me courage enough to overcome my hypocrisy, to live a lonely life...and to keep loving you...asking for nothing in return. I am grateful to you in all sort of way. You told me what love is all about...care is all about....

Sugar...

If I do not capture these sparkling, awe inspiring moments of my life in words, that'd be the greatest crime done to love by mankind :)...I was a different me before I met him...and I am a transformed me when in his company...have you ever blushed? Have you ever found a cup of tea so musical? And someone's word so lyrical...and smile so magical? I don't know why life gives me such moments, which must have been rare on earth, since Adam and Eve's times, not a couple have been so happy together, at least not the girl in the couple. I find undefined happiness when by his side...I stammer, I become beet red upto my cheek, yet yet these are the moments which can make me overcome everything negative that has happened in my life or perhaps are yet to happen. And I am myself, talking aloud about my deafness...and telling him that I can hardly hear half of what he tells. I remember his words, a song is no song 'til you sing it....and it is for me, for whoever, I care a damn...Just wanted to let you know that I am singing....o what serenity music has...and what peace your mind feels when atlast you know...the man of your dreams is with you.

Spare one moment for only the two of us...

Where did those days of happiness fade away? Where did those moments go when very subtly you used to tell me that you care? All of a sudden all smile of my life seems to have faded away...the smile which you had brought....that day I was telling you na, they say that days of happiness are short and days of grief are long...but to me its one and the same. You asked me what I mean by this...the time I spend with you is happy or sad, and I replied that I don't know myself...that is one bitter truth of my life...when I had written here that I want you to avoid me, hate me....I never thought how much I will miss those fun filled days. Whom are you trying to adapt to that which is inevitable? Me or yourself? Should I think you are happy doing all these? For you were smiling away? Then who in the group smiles more than me? My never ending smile has become the topic of joke among everyone. But does that mean that I am happy? I feel you near my heart...what should I do...I don't like anything...I feel a strange aloofness from life...I just keep longing for you...and want nothing else. I can't live like this....can't take the pain anymore....Do whatever else, but don't ignore me like this...I just want to shout to the world that I love you. I want my family, our child. I want our love to get a culmination. Ohh my life why did I ever love you so much...why did I ever dream. Why did you fuel that dream?

Water water everywhere....

How was the tour? Simply put...it was not how I expected it to be...I really expected his love to come out in even more intensified way in the tour. Nothing of that sort happened. He was just neutral. I couldn't find any emotion in him. Or I couldn't read it? Don't want to debate on this...as I am tired of dreaming. What's the use of dreaming when no dream would ever come true.
I am really hurt with his behavior. Both of us know perfectly well that never can we give any conclusion to our love. So if for one day we could live like lovers what could have gone wrong? Just wanted to be in the sea with him. He was close to me, yet I couldn't touch him. He sent me off on jet ski with his friend. I just wanted to cling onto my darling and enjoy the speed. But anyways I enjoyed. I floated in the sea. I dreamt to the ultimate extent. A stupid girl and her stupid dreams. That we are like each other. In the way we prepare food, in the way we cared for the baby together...but u stupid girl, why would he atall care for you.

You know very well that I went to the tour for you. And you gave me the very minimum attention. I didn't feel bad at all, as all were so nice. But my romanticism was badly hurt. Very badly...

My Darling...where is life taking us?

I always wanted my husband to be older than me. Now that the blog is mine only, I can write anything that comes in my mind. Why did I pacify Anand and compelled him to stay back when he had decided to leave me? Because in my heart of hearts I knew that I am doing wrong by loving you? I am a committed lady? I couldn't stand this sin? I really don't know. May be the other reason was that Anand is my best friend, who has stayed by my side through thick and thin and I can't bear to see him unhappy. Also I couldn't bear to see my life so dark...I was scared.

But my darling, let's leave those things. Let's talk about the two of us. Me and you. And hw we have grown to share each other's life. I fall in love very easily. I know. But this was not one of those cases. I had wished something in my mind, and it came true. Can I not see howmuch hell bent you are on pleasing me? You are a man who really cares for me. Yesterday you proved that multiple number of times. Now its a mutual bond. We stay happy with each other. If I know you, this is the first weakness of your life. And you are the true love I have always been seeking for. Though you are younger than me, you are very much capable of husbanding me. You know my mind inside out already. You know how and in which way I shall stay happy. But what will happen of this love? We shall get separated in about a couple of months, you shall never come back, and I cannot accept you. That's the fate that's going to befall this relation. I know that very well. Why did you atall come to my life? I can never love anybody else. I can if you are rude to me, if you convince me that you don't love me at all, and its all my mistake. But why are you being so nice to me? I know you are very good at heart, you are kind to everybody, but so kind? I know bosses here, I am here for quite some time. No one would have actually done what you did for me that day. Whatever Saradindu had said about love....reflects from your actions. You show that you care, you tell your friends about me, you keep taking my name, you call me unnecessarily, weakness to the extent that you show can only be termed as love. Don't do this to this hapless girl please. You hate me, you remain aloof, I can tolerate that, but please don't love me, don't make my life even more difficult.

What a joke!

Now there's no doubt left. God gets pleasure in making a joke of me...and what a joke he made of me this time...my only support of life has given me the worst moments of my life. I wouldn't have cared a little bit if there were some truth in the reason for his hatred...but the things he said are totally totally wrong...how do I ever convince him about that. Let it be...it was very great indeed of God that He gave me some happiness and took away everything I had. God is not good to me....I have no complaint though....but when I look back I just regret about my relation, when did we give each other a single chance of being happy. Always misunderstood, always hurt each other. The man whom I gave everything doesn't even know what I am like...when I look at my future life I see only darkness...but that's not what pains me...it pains me when I see the darkness surrounding the two of us....were we that bad that God never showered light on us?

Towards oblivion!

I have been following my bliss. And seems like the bliss is leading me to oblivion. I am losing my stable relationship...which kept my little bit of hope of finally getting a happy married life, alive. How do I know whether you are the one? True that when I loved you I never kept any condition for this love to get any conclusion. Neither do I have any such intensions today. Only that some questions come to my mind. Why do I see you everywhere in front of my eyes? Why does it become so apparent to everyone that I am neglecting the most important people of my life because of you. Are we really that much close to each other or its all my imagination? Where would all these lead to? I never thought of asking these questions....but perhaps because of the blows I got from Anand yesterday, I am asking you these things. Is there any basis to my dreams. Even to the little extent that you are like me. You will try to cover up my small shortcomings and not highlight them? You will feel in your mind when I need you.....and give some response? Except Rito I have never found a single guy touch the core of my heart. Nobody understood me properly. What is it that binds you and me except our common interest in music and our togetherness, which is only temporary. When we go away from each other, what will be the things that might remind you of me, and me of you? To be a perfect pair, we do need to have several things in common...and our frequency should be in unison. After Anand I am scared, I know what misunderstanding can cause. Today I shall wait so long as you are awake, but you have to give me a sign that you too care for me. Otherwise I shall end this stupidity of mine from tomorrow. Let me die in seclusion, but I cannot worship a person whom my God hasn't created for me.

The first suffering of love

I know I hurt u today. But believe me when I tell you that I was feeling like a helpless baby. I slept in the train. And the first thing I did as I woke up...was to call u by name and say sorry. Since then I am waiting for you. When will you come online. I want to give you a name. A name by which only I shall call you. Do you know how much I love you? I am realizing it gradually. I guess God won't spare you as well, even you'd realize it. Let me sleep peacefully today. From tomorrow you will not find any agony on my face.

I want a small cosy home, in a very peaceful place. I don't want any grandeur in life. I don't need luxury either. I just need lots of love. I feel like crying in front of you. From tomorrow you shall not find any lack of respect. I am really sorry for today. I was fighting with myself, but my dear, there is really no need. I don't go down in your eyes if you realize that I love you.

Its a spinning turning crazy world!

Living my dream, didn't I say? Oh my God, when I said, howmuch did I mean? This poor patient of vertigo...perhaps a leftover of the terrible life she has lead so far...why make her head spin so much? I am shocked...why is all this happening...

and what more will happen? At this point I become serious. Its true that I am living my life fully. But isn't it true that a part of my life also belongs to Anand. A man who has cried in all my griefs. So is there any way Ican give any conclusion to these dreams? Which seem to come true, but shouldn't come true. Oh my God, what shall I do then?

But worry not my dear Moni...nothing of that sort will happen. Your prince can never become reality. Your angel can never become reality. Just enjoy these few days, as if you were living your life. Your entire life.

How many times do I thank you? Why are you so hell bent on knowing my secret? Would you make fun of me? I don't know what else is going on in your mind. Why do you want to know about my love? Let it remain mine. Let it remain a secret. I beg of you. Nothing can happen to give a shape to my dreams. Atleast let me dream peacefully.

But the strangest thing was I didn't feel shy...I didn't feel at a loss. When you asked me if I have your favorite song in my mp3 player. I don't know where I am heading. I really don't understand. I am confused. I can't explain. Perhaps tonight will be the nicest night in my life. A real magical moon lit night. All my life I have waited for this night. When I'd know that my prince loves me. Dear God, I have nothing else to complain to You. You have given me everything. My hands get cold, my eyes close with emotions and I hide my face in sudden realization of love. What a wonderful thing this love is. I have worshipped it all my life. And now it gives me the greatest unworldly pleasure of my life.

10th september 2007. I shall remember this day. All life long.

One deep realization...

I am one crazy girl after I met you. You have brought happiness to my life, one term which had become non existent in my life for quite some time. Now everything has changed. Life would never be the same ever again. I never thought I can relive my old days of romance and dream. But you have made that possible. You have removed from the mind of this hapless girl, all the horrors of her previous life. You care to speak to this ugly girl, and in the crowd also, you, when it comes to telling something very personal about your home, direct the statement to this girl. I owe every smile of my life to you. Every fast beat that my heart takes. Your closeness to my heart is what I feel, not your closeness to me. Its a different story that the real me will finally die when your closeness to me ceases, but believe me my brown eyed prince, I shall never take this dream as reality. For the first time I realize the intense joy a girl feels when she is loved. I know you love me, and I don't want a debate on this. I don't want anyone to preach that girl, you are reaching your 30s, you are not yet married, and there is very little chance that you will be married, so come out of your dreams. No, my prince, you know na, that for the first time in my life I am living. I don't have a care in life...and my life is musical. You are the music in my life. As I keep collecting your memories, and the music you like, I offer all my dreams to you. Its like offering flowers to God, there is happiness in offering, not in debating whether He would accept or not.

Living my dream!

Everyone doesn't get a chance to live his dream. I am surely one lucky person. It was not just infatuation/crush that had happened. It was inspiration. It was rejuvenation. Yes I am now one girl who can again establish her credibilites. For she herself has regained her long lost confidence.

I still remember that wednesday night. It was late dark hours, I had plenty of work next day, what with a damaged laptop, and yet...with somuch of intense love did I stay awake and made that sweet dish for him. JUST FOR HIM. All our conversation in the days that followed, before and after a party was cancelled, and when it was rescheduled today, concerned his feeling. I have wrote earlier also, mockingly or whatever. he has always mentioned that he can understand how I am feeling, when something I have made so lovingly is not being taken by anyone. Can't tell you the peace of mind, the delight I felt, when he actually tasted the kheer I prepared. Just that one smile of appreciation from him, my brown eyed prince, you made my day. I know you bossed, you misbehaved...see, it was one first time that I offered someone my share of icecream, and you denied. Swear on heaven, I was shocked. You didn't say bye to me before leaving, totally ignored when I offered to take a walk with you...one thing is ofcourse possible that you are totally oblivious of my love, and hope that is the case, the other option is you really want to ignore me. Fine prince charming, I really don't mind. I also know very well that it is a dream world that I am living in. But I shall remember this day for years to come. The way we cooked together, we sang together...the way I lived my dream. And the way you smile. It was like you tasted my love. Can't tell you the heavenly feeling. I love you. More than anything else, anybody else...I love you. This love has really changed my life. Thank you.

As usual, life drifts on...

To him it was insignificant, to me it was a miracle. Each word he spoke, made me feel he thinks over things I tell. Till he called me a child. Lovingly though. It raised a question in my mind....is my age, my sufferings, my blows not apparent from my face? How does he find a child in me? And he is not wrong. Even I am rediscovering the child in myself after I met him. The child who always wanted to give her best efforts. Who used to somehow manage to win, despite all hardles.

I had forgot how to even think of winning. Now I again try. Don't really know what got me yesterday. Even if for one fraction of a second, he must have debated in his mind about how I might feel. That was so good of him. I accept it as his goodness, and be done with my sorrow. He is only losing out, if he finds but a child in me. The lady whom he couldn't see, could have made a difference to his life.

I thrive on music, I thrive on my newfound love. And life drifts on. Oh forgot to tell you. Buried all my dreams. Didn't mourn though. And something else. Seems like we have one thing in common. We love studying people. My prince charming, I know I am being hysteric about you, but believe me, I trust God.

Is true love possible?

His roommate went for a long official tour today. All of us had gone to see him off. Then everyone somehow slipped off with some context or the other...during the homeward journey. We were the only two left in the train. It was the first time I was alone with him...alone and not with other friends. When with the usual crowd he hardly speaks to me, he only observes me. I was wondering what he'd say now. I didn't want him to say anything. I knew in my mind that he loves me crazily. He can kiss each foot step that I take...should he not kiss me once that we are alone? Is language so important, now that we have learnt to speak and become civilized? Love existed between man and woman even before any word was spoken. And when love was created between man and woman it was definitely no greater than the love he has for me. So why should he speak out now that only two of us are there?

My station was approaching. We were silently standing, facing each other, holding the same hand rail. Our hands slightly touched. I was relishing the greatest pleasure of my life from that little nearness. And now that happiness was about to end. My eyes were getting cloudy. This was the only chance that he could tell me. I know how shy he is. Just one more minute to go. We haven't spoken a word to each other ever since the time we were left alone. Please speak darling...I am dying...

"Tea?" -- Just one word. That shook me out of my trance...I absent mindedly said..."milkshake". He laughed and squeezed my hand inside the hand rail. He laughed heartily..."So that was what you were thinking for so long? I have been watching you for the past 20 minutes...I haven't ever seen such myriads of emotion passing by on a single human face till date." Is he teasing me? I somberly replied..."Girls tend to think a lot." He said, "Perhaps...never really studied a girl till date"...a long silence followed...and then he looked into my eyes and said..."except you".

In an even greater silence that followed...two more stations passed by. The very short conversation was only to divert my mind so that I miss my station. We knew words were unnecessary...but he used them so that I find an excuse to stay back. When we got down from the train...I was wondering whether he would hold my hand. He didn't. He just kept walking towards his house. I just blurted out..."so will you make milkshake for me?" He looked back...and smiled. The next sound I heard was that of the keys. He opened the doors for me. I entered and unsure of what to do next...kept standing there. He entered and locked the door, took me by my waist...swirled me in the air once...and then pinned me to the door and lightly touched my left cheek. His lips were quivering and there was a pearl of tear in the corner of his eyes. I was taken aback by his ecstasy but at the same time overjoyed. I embraced him tightly and kept my head on his chest. I had never experienced such peace before.


I always looked for my true love...who doesn't need words to communicate with me. Long back in my childhood someone had said that love requires affinity. In some movie I had heard this statement…affinity means nearness of soul. I have never found that affinity in the men I have known. Don’t even expect to find. But yes…I now get to know that I should wait for my soul mate, instead of marrying someone in haste. I know I might not find him ever…but I owe this much to my romanticism and dreams which I have cherished life long. Today after a long time I feel like crying aloud. Is it so wrong to dream? I want the sky to shed tears for me…it should rain…rain and rain desperately.

Chak De India...a review

Should I think of Shah Rukh,my favorite hero...should I think of India, my country and the sudden surge of patriotism I feel for it, now that I am away from home, or should I think of the inspiration this movie left behind for me, above all else.
Better not debate and let's start off without a prejudice. Its a SRK movie...I am being invited, I cannot say no. But I don't know the way to the theatre,huh...what a thing to say for a 27 year old girl. Stop being a baby dear. I have grown confident after coming here. So it was with a mind full of excitement and 'josh' that I headed for the venue all alone. It was my new sporty look...for a sports movie, where SRK is probably going to show the world what he would be doing in the coming years.

Want to say a few things here which are purely personal statements which a staunch fan of SRK is making...whoever doesn't agree, kindly do not take to heart. SRK is a natural king...and he knows how to rule. He is a normal human being at the same time, and he is concerned about his throne. But this concern doesn't stop him from being himself. SRK hasn't changed his hair syle ever, neither his looks, neither has he been taking up roles just for the sake of making a mark. He has enjoyed and dutifully done whatever has come his way...and that is why he holds on to his position so damn strongly. If you know your standard, you can always stand up with your head held high, even after a mistake. The good part is that except for a couple of movies in the very beginning of his career, I have never seen SRK doing mistakes.

So here is a winner who comes in the first scene of the movie. The penalty stroke...a captain should lead from the front, so he decides to take it himself. People in the hall comment, "I think he'd miss it"...I...a die hard fan...speak to myself..."Shah Rukh can't lose!" and he misses...oh my God! The anguish that torments my mind...overwhelms me! His suffering in the moments that followed, and during the unfortunate events that followed, when he is marked a traitor....I suffer along with him.

And then after some time the real story line begins. There is a perpetually side-lined thing called women's hockey in the country, and a perpetually blacklisted hero comes forward to revive it, and perhaps along with that revive his lost pride. And indeed it's a difficult job. Excellent editing I should say...editing is the thing that maintains the speed of a movie...and without this efficient an editing, I wonder how much successful this unusual story telling would have been. Glimpses, just glimpses of the 16 young fighters who are going to get assembled and trained to bring about a wonder...but glimpses enough to show us their traits. It was evident from the first scene that this is not a story of hero worshipping...it is a story which rather focusses more on the negative traits of their character...and how they emerge victorious from the things that could very well hold them back.

And now about the coach who shows them the right path that leads to victory. Oh my God! I can die for that man in Ray Ban. He looked ultimate. Not to mention his acting. If you are not intelligent, you cannot do intelligent acting. Just the right expressions. Can't tell how much Shah Rukh impressed me in this movie. He never overshadowed the young rookies. But he just held on to his own magnetic personality. Kabir Khan and Shah Rukh Khan became one and the same. A winner always guides others to win.

Excellent screenplay. Just the right dialogues, short, precise and hugely impacting. A diamond cuts diamond. Obstinacy from the team members is cut by even more obstinacy from the coach. Diplomatic at every step, he is well aware of the loop holes that led to the scar in his career. He battles from Day 1 to remove these loopholes. As the girls makes a ploy to remove him from his position, he has the farsight to realise that this is their first step towards being a unified in a mission. He gradually achieves everything, team spirit, fighting mentality and the committment to win. The men's hockey team acknowledges the talent of the ladies' team even though they lose to them 2-3 in a game that was organized to prove their worthlessness and drive their deserved money to the men's team. It was the first victory for Kabir. He tells his team, that they are flying to Australia...for the world championship.

Vidya, the captain. Married to a family who wants her to be a housewife. Kabir understands her agony, her confusions...and through these lesser qualities, is very well able to see her determination. Just the right quality a girl should have, to lead this team against all adversities. Preeti, the gorgeous looking fiance of the vice captain of Indian Cricket team. Is that her identity and hockey her pastime? No and just the opposite. She fights on to prove herself...and while making an impossible promise of coming to the lime light when they return, she is shaky, emotionally drained...but she makes the promise all the same. Bindiya, the girl with a complicated character, who always complicates things. Fights for the position that she thinks her seniority should deserve. Kabir is not willing to abide by her wishes. A silent fight goes on between the two, which finally results in a truce during a most critical match which nothing but Bindiya's experience could have saved. Komal, the village girl who has the guts to come here after fighting with her family.

A shattered team after a 7-nil loss to host Aussies in the opening game, Kabir patiently bring them together. This reminds me of a dialogue said earlier in the movie in context of Kabir's own failure...ek galti to sabki maaf hotihai...perhaps God consented to forgive this one mistake of the team he has so painstakenly formed. The next match with England, and here comes a transformed team. The English coach is confused...which one of them is didi...the didis finally lead to a 1-0 victory. And this saga continues...right unto the finale. 16 gorgeous ladies in sarees bordered with the Indian tricolor in the pre match evening reception. The three party discussion between Kabir, Preeti and Komal, to sort out the only loop hole that still threats the team. Their silent competition of scoring the maximum number of goals. The discussion drifts on without a solution, an agitated Kabir leaves and Preeti unhappily remarks...main ek laundeko dikhana chahtihun ek laundiya kya karsaktihai...such unpolished language, so uncharacteristic of Preeti, just to impress upon Komal the importance of her mission to herself.

And a most beautiful scene in the game next day, when the Aussie coach is sure that Komal won't pass to Preeti and flagging off the same to his Goalie...when Komal passes...and shouts to Preeti...dikhade us launde ko...and woman power glitters with the newfound identity. But success doesn't come so easily. The tie break...and first two shots are missed.

Preeti urges Komal to take her shot. Komal brings the first success.
Vidya saves.
Mary the penalty stroke specialist scores.
Vidya saves.
Bindiya the most experienced doesn't succumb to pressure. She makes the goal.
Kabir knows the moment has arrived. From his experience he studies and finds out where the striker is aiming. But how to communicate this to Vidya. He desparately wants Vidya to look at him. The last few months had gone in creating a team spirit so that even the untold can be realized. Vidya looks...just as the striker strikes. Kabir asks her to stay at her place.
VIDYA SAVES!!!

As they say, impossible is nothing. And didn't I tell you, Shah Rukh can't lose. India can’t lose. Me, you, none of us can lose. Just that we need that spirit to fight. Come let’s win!

Indeed a good movie. Please watch.

Two recently watched movies

I often think, which are the movies I really love. Almost all movies I have watched, I have liked...and they have inspired me in some way. But my blog was not there at that time...neither can I write all I like about all my favorite movies at one shot. So let's live in the present.

Gandhi My Father

My first movie in a theatre in Singapore. I know I have come here to save money...to build our house...but I make sure that I take care of my happiness. I have bought CDs from Mustafa and have been watching movies almost every weekend. But don't know why...just felt like going to the theatre for this movie. Perhaps because I had a premonition that this is going to be a good movie. but while I was leaving, watching the movie was the least priority. Very consciously I am trying to bring a makeover in myself...perhaps in search of new confidence...and I sincerely prepared to present myself before the office lot in a sleeveless shirt, formal trousers, trendy earrings and open hair. And guess what...I got a few complements too. At that point of time I was not knowing that the movie I am going to watch is the story of a man who made multiple attempts of makeover, with no success.
But let's begin from the theatre...nothing very dissimilar from Forum in Bangalore. Its called Jade. I looked around for the posters. Never heard or read about Harilal before except for his mention in the quiz in MunnaBhai. But yes, I have always appreciated Akshaye Khanna as an actor. He has got those subtle expressions which mark a great actor. The movie started like any other normal movie. That's the best thing I liked about this movie. It never tried to become an art film. The pace was very gradual...I should say hardly any other movie has shown this gradual a transformation of a barrister into the Father of the Nation. Hardly any other movie has dared to focus to this extent into the private life of so public a figure. And this movie, in this unnatural venture...slowly reveals the unfortunate life of Harilal Gandhi. A normal human being...he just cherished to remain normal...with one dark tint in his nature...though conscious and selfish but not at all illogical, to make some benefit out of his father's good name. He was one man who lived for himself, but who doesn't? In this wide world how many men become a Gandhi? And Gandhi can never be made forcefully....even if you make your attempts on the person who carries his gene. So this poor son loses in every battle of his life. Marries, but the marriage doesn't bring him anything except children whom he cannot bring up properly and a very caring wife who finally succumbs to the ill fate his multitude of failure brings about. He loves his mother to the limit that he gives her a position above his revered father, a mother who thinks the most about her obstinate eldest son, but choses to be Gandhi's wife than being Harilal's mother. A father whom he respects, but cannot understand with the eyes of a common selfish man. And who always fall prey to hyenas and jackals who wear mask of well to do human beings in this (in)human society. A pitiful saga....the silence at the end of the show magnifying the silence of the late night. To people who want to think and understand human nature...the ever mysterious thing...please do watch.

TaraRumPum

Got a holiday....finally...August 9th, Singapore's 42nd National Day. It rained in the morning...so had a cosy sleep and woke up pretty late. Wanted to finish this movie today. I am not the one to miss out any release from Yash Raj Banner. Siddharth Anand did a great job with Salaam Namaste (little did I know what is going to befall me when I watched it first time)...but now that I watch it again and again...I feel a strange emotional attachment with it. Men are not bad, they are just over practical. But trust me when I say that they do care...and they care selflessly.
So back to TaraRumPum. Good movie...speed, editing, story line everything good...really don't know why people did not appreciate. Acting...well what to say about acting when you cast two natural actors...Saif and Rani. Javed's cameo was fresh and with a new flavor...that's what I liked about it. Victor Banerji...can he not retire being the Nikhilesh in Ghare Baire or even the lead role in Jogger's Park? there are 100s of character role players in Bollywood...needn't cast some exceptional talent to do an ordinary role. Anyways...on lighter note...as I said in my last post...I follow the music talent hunts keenly. Hey who is this director Duo Vishal Shekhar...heard their name but never heard their music man! Ok...so they are the music directors here. After watching this movie...can confidently declare something...they may lack several things...but they possess 100% passion. The music is the passion and heart beat of the movie. I liked the movie...quite a lot infact !
One reflection to end with. People have told me that they found this movie to be very unnatural. People cannot suffer so much. They cannot get this poor. I was watching discovery channel on the eve of the National Day in Singapore. There I got to know about one ex-primeminister of Sinagapore who now sells books on the roadside. He is completely bankrupt, still in debt, and at the age of 80 he still dreams of paying back his debts and starting a new life. So folks, rare but not impossible. Be prepared for anything may happen in life...anytime.

The three music talent hunts

Come Firday evening...oh the week has been so tiring...what with mechanical kind of work which doesn't add to your skill set, compromising actions, diplomatic statements...thinking what should be proper and never being yourself...I am tired...

These programs give me relief. Sa re Ga Ma Pa in Zee, Indian Idol in Sony and Voice of India in Star. Not that all who sing here are excellent...but you know I am crazy about these 3 programs and religiously watch all the episodes. I have arguments with my roomies (they are very polite though) but I can't stay away...

Emon in Indian Idol and Aneek in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa...both from Calcutta...and both sing with an open voice. Reminds me of Saikat's Jadi Tare Nai Chini Go Seki...I was a little woman of 15 when Ananya, Pamela and Saikat took me by hand to the beauty of Music.

I remember how beautifully Aneek had sung Lagan Laggayi Hai in the Zee Bangla Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, I had predicted he'd be the champion. Wish them both...best of luck...and as my father always says...best of effort.

Music gives you peace of mind. Listen to music. But please listen to melodious music. Learn to discriminate between noise and music.

Hey want to tell you about my other favorite contestants...Puja...in Indian Idol...she looks so nice...and also Amit Paul...ooh the way he sang Nasha yeh pyar ka nasha hai...ooh that was superb...Harshit in Voice of India...Rut aagayi re...he had taken me to another world...and Amanat and Raja in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa...two singers who can sing any song better than their original version...

Hey watch out for them...for music is good, and music does a lot of good.

For him and for her!

He:
He wrote me a mail today....he was confused with my state of mind. I can't help quoting the entire mail here...

You are on fire now so my words can’t calm u now; hence I shall not say much now.
Friendship if is based on divine love never dies.
Each and every moment is a test that we have to go through. What we reap is what we sow. Listen to your heart and act accordingly, that’s all I can say for now.
I know you are a nice girl.

I just wanted to tell him something...but as usual couldn't. Writing it here...for as the introductory speech reflects, my mind shouldn't go unheard...

My heart cannot speak...I don't remember now whether it has been dumb ever since I was born, or lost its power of speech in the course of my not-so-smooth life...but it cannot utter a single word now. It just looks at me with mingled feelings...which makes it almost expressionless. It's like having a handicapped child. I still indulge it...for I know the pain a mother faces once her child is dead, the agony she faces on the eve of her child's death. Yet she feels like having sweets. Doesn't she love her baby? Or she loves herself more? Those memories haunt me. But we are deviating from the topic. At least my heart lives on...it beats on. Don't ask me to listen to my heart...my heart cannot speak. Do you have the courage to listen to it? Can you bear the darkness inside it? You can't...I know. That's why I never let you know...the silence of my heart...


She:

I met her first through an official mail. Imagined her to be very senior. Didn't know then that she is going to become an elder sister...a soulmate.

She came and introduced herself.I was shy. She wrote to me and asked for the first outing...I was reluctant. She came one day to talk to me...she was feeling low...was being almost like a child in such a professional environment...I was apprehensive.

Gradually the barrier was broken...we became friends. She became a guiding star...I started feeling at home in this foreign country.

She is going away tomorrow...a small tribute to her in my blog...

I feel honored and amply rewarded to at last find an elder sister in my life. We shall stay in touch...for I need to ensure I don't lose her.

Life seldom gives you presents...learn to treasure them.

The Introductory Speech

Thanks to Geetha to introduce me to blogging. I called myself Moni when I was in school...may be because I treasure myself. I had a habit of diary writing since the age of 10, ever since I read The Diary of Anne Frank. But wait...that was not all. I loved to let my special friends read my diary entries. And when I first got to see a blog, I thought...perhaps this is the way my words won't remain unheard...for I have ceased to have good friends now. I know my friends will be hurt to hear this...but to be truthful, it's now more of a professional world. But if you are my friend...if you want to know the real me...keep visiting this link.

There is more of me and my thoughts than I ever reveal to you. Happy reading and happy blogging.