Thursday, August 30, 2007

As usual, life drifts on...

To him it was insignificant, to me it was a miracle. Each word he spoke, made me feel he thinks over things I tell. Till he called me a child. Lovingly though. It raised a question in my mind....is my age, my sufferings, my blows not apparent from my face? How does he find a child in me? And he is not wrong. Even I am rediscovering the child in myself after I met him. The child who always wanted to give her best efforts. Who used to somehow manage to win, despite all hardles.

I had forgot how to even think of winning. Now I again try. Don't really know what got me yesterday. Even if for one fraction of a second, he must have debated in his mind about how I might feel. That was so good of him. I accept it as his goodness, and be done with my sorrow. He is only losing out, if he finds but a child in me. The lady whom he couldn't see, could have made a difference to his life.

I thrive on music, I thrive on my newfound love. And life drifts on. Oh forgot to tell you. Buried all my dreams. Didn't mourn though. And something else. Seems like we have one thing in common. We love studying people. My prince charming, I know I am being hysteric about you, but believe me, I trust God.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Is true love possible?

His roommate went for a long official tour today. All of us had gone to see him off. Then everyone somehow slipped off with some context or the other...during the homeward journey. We were the only two left in the train. It was the first time I was alone with him...alone and not with other friends. When with the usual crowd he hardly speaks to me, he only observes me. I was wondering what he'd say now. I didn't want him to say anything. I knew in my mind that he loves me crazily. He can kiss each foot step that I take...should he not kiss me once that we are alone? Is language so important, now that we have learnt to speak and become civilized? Love existed between man and woman even before any word was spoken. And when love was created between man and woman it was definitely no greater than the love he has for me. So why should he speak out now that only two of us are there?

My station was approaching. We were silently standing, facing each other, holding the same hand rail. Our hands slightly touched. I was relishing the greatest pleasure of my life from that little nearness. And now that happiness was about to end. My eyes were getting cloudy. This was the only chance that he could tell me. I know how shy he is. Just one more minute to go. We haven't spoken a word to each other ever since the time we were left alone. Please speak darling...I am dying...

"Tea?" -- Just one word. That shook me out of my trance...I absent mindedly said..."milkshake". He laughed and squeezed my hand inside the hand rail. He laughed heartily..."So that was what you were thinking for so long? I have been watching you for the past 20 minutes...I haven't ever seen such myriads of emotion passing by on a single human face till date." Is he teasing me? I somberly replied..."Girls tend to think a lot." He said, "Perhaps...never really studied a girl till date"...a long silence followed...and then he looked into my eyes and said..."except you".

In an even greater silence that followed...two more stations passed by. The very short conversation was only to divert my mind so that I miss my station. We knew words were unnecessary...but he used them so that I find an excuse to stay back. When we got down from the train...I was wondering whether he would hold my hand. He didn't. He just kept walking towards his house. I just blurted out..."so will you make milkshake for me?" He looked back...and smiled. The next sound I heard was that of the keys. He opened the doors for me. I entered and unsure of what to do next...kept standing there. He entered and locked the door, took me by my waist...swirled me in the air once...and then pinned me to the door and lightly touched my left cheek. His lips were quivering and there was a pearl of tear in the corner of his eyes. I was taken aback by his ecstasy but at the same time overjoyed. I embraced him tightly and kept my head on his chest. I had never experienced such peace before.


I always looked for my true love...who doesn't need words to communicate with me. Long back in my childhood someone had said that love requires affinity. In some movie I had heard this statement…affinity means nearness of soul. I have never found that affinity in the men I have known. Don’t even expect to find. But yes…I now get to know that I should wait for my soul mate, instead of marrying someone in haste. I know I might not find him ever…but I owe this much to my romanticism and dreams which I have cherished life long. Today after a long time I feel like crying aloud. Is it so wrong to dream? I want the sky to shed tears for me…it should rain…rain and rain desperately.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Chak De India...a review

Should I think of Shah Rukh,my favorite hero...should I think of India, my country and the sudden surge of patriotism I feel for it, now that I am away from home, or should I think of the inspiration this movie left behind for me, above all else.
Better not debate and let's start off without a prejudice. Its a SRK movie...I am being invited, I cannot say no. But I don't know the way to the theatre,huh...what a thing to say for a 27 year old girl. Stop being a baby dear. I have grown confident after coming here. So it was with a mind full of excitement and 'josh' that I headed for the venue all alone. It was my new sporty look...for a sports movie, where SRK is probably going to show the world what he would be doing in the coming years.


Want to say a few things here which are purely personal statements which a staunch fan of SRK is making...whoever doesn't agree, kindly do not take to heart. SRK is a natural king...and he knows how to rule. He is a normal human being at the same time, and he is concerned about his throne. But this concern doesn't stop him from being himself. SRK hasn't changed his hair syle ever, neither his looks, neither has he been taking up roles just for the sake of making a mark. He has enjoyed and dutifully done whatever has come his way...and that is why he holds on to his position so damn strongly. If you know your standard, you can always stand up with your head held high, even after a mistake. The good part is that except for a couple of movies in the very beginning of his career, I have never seen SRK doing mistakes.

So here is a winner who comes in the first scene of the movie. The penalty stroke...a captain should lead from the front, so he decides to take it himself. People in the hall comment, "I think he'd miss it"...I...a die hard fan...speak to myself..."Shah Rukh can't lose!" and he misses...oh my God! The anguish that torments my mind...overwhelms me! His suffering in the moments that followed, and during the unfortunate events that followed, when he is marked a traitor....I suffer along with him.

And then after some time the real story line begins. There is a perpetually side-lined thing called women's hockey in the country, and a perpetually blacklisted hero comes forward to revive it, and perhaps along with that revive his lost pride. And indeed it's a difficult job. Excellent editing I should say...editing is the thing that maintains the speed of a movie...and without this efficient an editing, I wonder how much successful this unusual story telling would have been. Glimpses, just glimpses of the 16 young fighters who are going to get assembled and trained to bring about a wonder...but glimpses enough to show us their traits. It was evident from the first scene that this is not a story of hero worshipping...it is a story which rather focusses more on the negative traits of their character...and how they emerge victorious from the things that could very well hold them back.

And now about the coach who shows them the right path that leads to victory. Oh my God! I can die for that man in Ray Ban. He looked ultimate. Not to mention his acting. If you are not intelligent, you cannot do intelligent acting. Just the right expressions. Can't tell how much Shah Rukh impressed me in this movie. He never overshadowed the young rookies. But he just held on to his own magnetic personality. Kabir Khan and Shah Rukh Khan became one and the same. A winner always guides others to win.

Excellent screenplay. Just the right dialogues, short, precise and hugely impacting. A diamond cuts diamond. Obstinacy from the team members is cut by even more obstinacy from the coach. Diplomatic at every step, he is well aware of the loop holes that led to the scar in his career. He battles from Day 1 to remove these loopholes. As the girls makes a ploy to remove him from his position, he has the farsight to realise that this is their first step towards being a unified in a mission. He gradually achieves everything, team spirit, fighting mentality and the committment to win. The men's hockey team acknowledges the talent of the ladies' team even though they lose to them 2-3 in a game that was organized to prove their worthlessness and drive their deserved money to the men's team. It was the first victory for Kabir. He tells his team, that they are flying to Australia...for the world championship.

Vidya, the captain. Married to a family who wants her to be a housewife. Kabir understands her agony, her confusions...and through these lesser qualities, is very well able to see her determination. Just the right quality a girl should have, to lead this team against all adversities. Preeti, the gorgeous looking fiance of the vice captain of Indian Cricket team. Is that her identity and hockey her pastime? No and just the opposite. She fights on to prove herself...and while making an impossible promise of coming to the lime light when they return, she is shaky, emotionally drained...but she makes the promise all the same. Bindiya, the girl with a complicated character, who always complicates things. Fights for the position that she thinks her seniority should deserve. Kabir is not willing to abide by her wishes. A silent fight goes on between the two, which finally results in a truce during a most critical match which nothing but Bindiya's experience could have saved. Komal, the village girl who has the guts to come here after fighting with her family.

A shattered team after a 7-nil loss to host Aussies in the opening game, Kabir patiently bring them together. This reminds me of a dialogue said earlier in the movie in context of Kabir's own failure...ek galti to sabki maaf hotihai...perhaps God consented to forgive this one mistake of the team he has so painstakenly formed. The next match with England, and here comes a transformed team. The English coach is confused...which one of them is didi...the didis finally lead to a 1-0 victory. And this saga continues...right unto the finale. 16 gorgeous ladies in sarees bordered with the Indian tricolor in the pre match evening reception. The three party discussion between Kabir, Preeti and Komal, to sort out the only loop hole that still threats the team. Their silent competition of scoring the maximum number of goals. The discussion drifts on without a solution, an agitated Kabir leaves and Preeti unhappily remarks...main ek laundeko dikhana chahtihun ek laundiya kya karsaktihai...such unpolished language, so uncharacteristic of Preeti, just to impress upon Komal the importance of her mission to herself.

And a most beautiful scene in the game next day, when the Aussie coach is sure that Komal won't pass to Preeti and flagging off the same to his Goalie...when Komal passes...and shouts to Preeti...dikhade us launde ko...and woman power glitters with the newfound identity. But success doesn't come so easily. The tie break...and first two shots are missed.

Preeti urges Komal to take her shot. Komal brings the first success.
Vidya saves.
Mary the penalty stroke specialist scores.
Vidya saves.
Bindiya the most experienced doesn't succumb to pressure. She makes the goal.
Kabir knows the moment has arrived. From his experience he studies and finds out where the striker is aiming. But how to communicate this to Vidya. He desparately wants Vidya to look at him. The last few months had gone in creating a team spirit so that even the untold can be realized. Vidya looks...just as the striker strikes. Kabir asks her to stay at her place.
VIDYA SAVES!!!


As they say, impossible is nothing. And didn't I tell you, Shah Rukh can't lose. India can’t lose. Me, you, none of us can lose. Just that we need that spirit to fight. Come let’s win!


Indeed a good movie. Please watch.


Thursday, August 9, 2007

Two recently watched movies

I often think, which are the movies I really love. Almost all movies I have watched, I have liked...and they have inspired me in some way. But my blog was not there at that time...neither can I write all I like about all my favorite movies at one shot. So let's live in the present.

Gandhi My Father

My first movie in a theatre in Singapore. I know I have come here to save money...to build our house...but I make sure that I take care of my happiness. I have bought CDs from Mustafa and have been watching movies almost every weekend. But don't know why...just felt like going to the theatre for this movie. Perhaps because I had a premonition that this is going to be a good movie. but while I was leaving, watching the movie was the least priority. Very consciously I am trying to bring a makeover in myself...perhaps in search of new confidence...and I sincerely prepared to present myself before the office lot in a sleeveless shirt, formal trousers, trendy earrings and open hair. And guess what...I got a few complements too. At that point of time I was not knowing that the movie I am going to watch is the story of a man who made multiple attempts of makeover, with no success.
But let's begin from the theatre...nothing very dissimilar from Forum in Bangalore. Its called Jade. I looked around for the posters. Never heard or read about Harilal before except for his mention in the quiz in MunnaBhai. But yes, I have always appreciated Akshaye Khanna as an actor. He has got those subtle expressions which mark a great actor. The movie started like any other normal movie. That's the best thing I liked about this movie. It never tried to become an art film. The pace was very gradual...I should say hardly any other movie has shown this gradual a transformation of a barrister into the Father of the Nation. Hardly any other movie has dared to focus to this extent into the private life of so public a figure. And this movie, in this unnatural venture...slowly reveals the unfortunate life of Harilal Gandhi. A normal human being...he just cherished to remain normal...with one dark tint in his nature...though conscious and selfish but not at all illogical, to make some benefit out of his father's good name. He was one man who lived for himself, but who doesn't? In this wide world how many men become a Gandhi? And Gandhi can never be made forcefully....even if you make your attempts on the person who carries his gene. So this poor son loses in every battle of his life. Marries, but the marriage doesn't bring him anything except children whom he cannot bring up properly and a very caring wife who finally succumbs to the ill fate his multitude of failure brings about. He loves his mother to the limit that he gives her a position above his revered father, a mother who thinks the most about her obstinate eldest son, but choses to be Gandhi's wife than being Harilal's mother. A father whom he respects, but cannot understand with the eyes of a common selfish man. And who always fall prey to hyenas and jackals who wear mask of well to do human beings in this (in)human society. A pitiful saga....the silence at the end of the show magnifying the silence of the late night. To people who want to think and understand human nature...the ever mysterious thing...please do watch.


TaraRumPum

Got a holiday....finally...August 9th, Singapore's 42nd National Day. It rained in the morning...so had a cosy sleep and woke up pretty late. Wanted to finish this movie today. I am not the one to miss out any release from Yash Raj Banner. Siddharth Anand did a great job with Salaam Namaste (little did I know what is going to befall me when I watched it first time)...but now that I watch it again and again...I feel a strange emotional attachment with it. Men are not bad, they are just over practical. But trust me when I say that they do care...and they care selflessly.
So back to TaraRumPum. Good movie...speed, editing, story line everything good...really don't know why people did not appreciate. Acting...well what to say about acting when you cast two natural actors...Saif and Rani. Javed's cameo was fresh and with a new flavor...that's what I liked about it. Victor Banerji...can he not retire being the Nikhilesh in Ghare Baire or even the lead role in Jogger's Park? there are 100s of character role players in Bollywood...needn't cast some exceptional talent to do an ordinary role. Anyways...on lighter note...as I said in my last post...I follow the music talent hunts keenly. Hey who is this director Duo Vishal Shekhar...heard their name but never heard their music man! Ok...so they are the music directors here. After watching this movie...can confidently declare something...they may lack several things...but they possess 100% passion. The music is the passion and heart beat of the movie. I liked the movie...quite a lot infact !
One reflection to end with. People have told me that they found this movie to be very unnatural. People cannot suffer so much. They cannot get this poor. I was watching discovery channel on the eve of the National Day in Singapore. There I got to know about one ex-primeminister of Sinagapore who now sells books on the roadside. He is completely bankrupt, still in debt, and at the age of 80 he still dreams of paying back his debts and starting a new life. So folks, rare but not impossible. Be prepared for anything may happen in life...anytime.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

The three music talent hunts

Come Firday evening...oh the week has been so tiring...what with mechanical kind of work which doesn't add to your skill set, compromising actions, diplomatic statements...thinking what should be proper and never being yourself...I am tired...

These programs give me relief. Sa re Ga Ma Pa in Zee, Indian Idol in Sony and Voice of India in Star. Not that all who sing here are excellent...but you know I am crazy about these 3 programs and religiously watch all the episodes. I have arguments with my roomies (they are very polite though) but I can't stay away...

Emon in Indian Idol and Aneek in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa...both from Calcutta...and both sing with an open voice. Reminds me of Saikat's Jadi Tare Nai Chini Go Seki...I was a little woman of 15 when Ananya, Pamela and Saikat took me by hand to the beauty of Music.

I remember how beautifully Aneek had sung Lagan Laggayi Hai in the Zee Bangla Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, I had predicted he'd be the champion. Wish them both...best of luck...and as my father always says...best of effort.

Music gives you peace of mind. Listen to music. But please listen to melodious music. Learn to discriminate between noise and music.

Hey want to tell you about my other favorite contestants...Puja...in Indian Idol...she looks so nice...and also Amit Paul...ooh the way he sang Nasha yeh pyar ka nasha hai...ooh that was superb...Harshit in Voice of India...Rut aagayi re...he had taken me to another world...and Amanat and Raja in Sa Re Ga Ma Pa...two singers who can sing any song better than their original version...

Hey watch out for them...for music is good, and music does a lot of good.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

For him and for her!

He:
He wrote me a mail today....he was confused with my state of mind. I can't help quoting the entire mail here...

You are on fire now so my words can’t calm u now; hence I shall not say much now.
Friendship if is based on divine love never dies.
Each and every moment is a test that we have to go through. What we reap is what we sow. Listen to your heart and act accordingly, that’s all I can say for now.
I know you are a nice girl.

I just wanted to tell him something...but as usual couldn't. Writing it here...for as the introductory speech reflects, my mind shouldn't go unheard...

My heart cannot speak...I don't remember now whether it has been dumb ever since I was born, or lost its power of speech in the course of my not-so-smooth life...but it cannot utter a single word now. It just looks at me with mingled feelings...which makes it almost expressionless. It's like having a handicapped child. I still indulge it...for I know the pain a mother faces once her child is dead, the agony she faces on the eve of her child's death. Yet she feels like having sweets. Doesn't she love her baby? Or she loves herself more? Those memories haunt me. But we are deviating from the topic. At least my heart lives on...it beats on. Don't ask me to listen to my heart...my heart cannot speak. Do you have the courage to listen to it? Can you bear the darkness inside it? You can't...I know. That's why I never let you know...the silence of my heart...


She:

I met her first through an official mail. Imagined her to be very senior. Didn't know then that she is going to become an elder sister...a soulmate.

She came and introduced herself.I was shy. She wrote to me and asked for the first outing...I was reluctant. She came one day to talk to me...she was feeling low...was being almost like a child in such a professional environment...I was apprehensive.

Gradually the barrier was broken...we became friends. She became a guiding star...I started feeling at home in this foreign country.

She is going away tomorrow...a small tribute to her in my blog...

I feel honored and amply rewarded to at last find an elder sister in my life. We shall stay in touch...for I need to ensure I don't lose her.

Life seldom gives you presents...learn to treasure them.

The Introductory Speech

Thanks to Geetha to introduce me to blogging. I called myself Moni when I was in school...may be because I treasure myself. I had a habit of diary writing since the age of 10, ever since I read The Diary of Anne Frank. But wait...that was not all. I loved to let my special friends read my diary entries. And when I first got to see a blog, I thought...perhaps this is the way my words won't remain unheard...for I have ceased to have good friends now. I know my friends will be hurt to hear this...but to be truthful, it's now more of a professional world. But if you are my friend...if you want to know the real me...keep visiting this link.

There is more of me and my thoughts than I ever reveal to you. Happy reading and happy blogging.