...is a worse crime to your self respect than anything else on earth. I remember the rare occasions where I have accepted being bullied (most torturing incident was that auto driver asking for 5 extra bucks during a Durga Puja time, when I was in my teens, and when in self justification he said - what if I had taken you to some dark alley and left you there...and I shuddered and buckled in and gave him the money) and I am filled with so much self loathing, way you feel at a revenge not taken, once you let the chance go away, it cripples your free spirit entirely.
Don't know what is going on in the country. My Sovereign Democratic Republic of India. But I can tell that this is because Indian men (and women - but being a girl I feel women are a more liberated species than men) have forever allowed themselves to be bullied. So much so that they don't even realize they are being bullied. And you know what, once the victims reach that stage, bullying becomes a rightful act.
Oh when will people wake up and learn thinking of their own? When will they learn that acceptance without questioning is not a virtue. That norms of the society are not concrete, they are there to be changed. Oh, imagine the frustration, when I have known people who think independently, know what has happened in the society and talk appreciatively about people whose thought process have transformed social mandates, even obliterated them, yet they, like a blind trusting dog, think, "Yes, this has happened, this is logical and rational, but this is NOT applicable to me in the perspective of my family and my society." In other simple colloquial words, "I shall not budge, because obedience is my comfort zone."
And people end up pretending all their life. Understanding that their ideas and beliefs are the very best. I have never thought twice before thrashing such people out in the open.
I remember the principal in my engineering college, who was extremely fond of me and was ready to shell out all kinds of favors to me, the apparently stronger person, but won't help out my lesser able friends. No campus interview in bulk, establish contacts with companies and send them your best brains. Not letting a friend reappear for her exams, because she is suffering from a psychiatric condition. "Oh she is too weak minded to be an engineer." Wanted to scream out to him last week, after giving my resignation - "Hello Sir, this is what your weak minded society has done to your strong minded girl. Even I gave up."
I remember my senior colleague from my previous company. A totally biased person who loves the world that lives by his code. Want to know his code? Story books are useless...those who write them are dumb heads who have no work, those who read them are even worse off. Why? Because story books give you a different perspective? Tells you about someone else's thought process? So many people have told me, ohh fictions are worthless, such things never happen in reality. Excuse me, they do happen. All this while, how do you think I have sustained, if the miracle had not happened in my life. All the time I clung on to that single ray of light, that voice with the first tremor of life murmuring in my ears, "it feels so different when you kiss me back, than when I kiss you. It feels so much better..." Whatever is taken away from me in my life, this is what I will never lose. The triumph of my faith in love, my miracle, proving that love is indeed, supreme.
So ya, not to deviate, let us end on a hilarious note. Might teach bullied people about how to give it back. Without being hurtful. I had set my gtalk tagline as "Tum bin mann ki baat adhuri..." - the song being a summary of all my feelings for the love of my life. This above mentioned ex colleague pings me and dictates - "and pl chnage such line from gtalk status this is not good".
Me: "It is my gtalk, and my tagline...whatever is in my mind, it should reflect that only right?"
" what ever it is , there are some thing which is good to be hidden... any way . no more comment"
Me: hmm :) I want it to be known
"ok"
It pains me a lot to see him being bullied unnecessarily. They have always bullied him and he has never reacted, the gentleman that he is. May be today's entry ensues from that pain only. That I am so helpless, I cannot save the most beloved person of my life from being dictated in a way he doesn't deserve. If I know him even the least bit, he won't be able to pretend for a life time. He is not made of that material. Had he not been as much of a rebel at heart as me, we would have never felt like soul mates. I really don't know when he will realize, that until you are happy in your heart, you cannot give away happiness. It is a strange case of living in a pseudo world...he is convinced he is happy this way, happy being a dead body. From some twisted crooked altruistic sense ingrained in him, he feels he deserves giving up his choice, deserves to be forced to follow that diktat, and never know exultation. But whatever it be, how can I desert the person who had given me the truest sense of happiness and freedom and benevolence once? Until he deserts me, I am not going to walk out on this relationship. My parents have to endure their dreams being crushed, because firstly, their dreams follow nothing but the norms of the society which I have never paid heed to, and secondly and most importantly, they gave birth to such a daughter and brought her up to be the way she is :)
Don't know what is going on in the country. My Sovereign Democratic Republic of India. But I can tell that this is because Indian men (and women - but being a girl I feel women are a more liberated species than men) have forever allowed themselves to be bullied. So much so that they don't even realize they are being bullied. And you know what, once the victims reach that stage, bullying becomes a rightful act.
Oh when will people wake up and learn thinking of their own? When will they learn that acceptance without questioning is not a virtue. That norms of the society are not concrete, they are there to be changed. Oh, imagine the frustration, when I have known people who think independently, know what has happened in the society and talk appreciatively about people whose thought process have transformed social mandates, even obliterated them, yet they, like a blind trusting dog, think, "Yes, this has happened, this is logical and rational, but this is NOT applicable to me in the perspective of my family and my society." In other simple colloquial words, "I shall not budge, because obedience is my comfort zone."
And people end up pretending all their life. Understanding that their ideas and beliefs are the very best. I have never thought twice before thrashing such people out in the open.
I remember the principal in my engineering college, who was extremely fond of me and was ready to shell out all kinds of favors to me, the apparently stronger person, but won't help out my lesser able friends. No campus interview in bulk, establish contacts with companies and send them your best brains. Not letting a friend reappear for her exams, because she is suffering from a psychiatric condition. "Oh she is too weak minded to be an engineer." Wanted to scream out to him last week, after giving my resignation - "Hello Sir, this is what your weak minded society has done to your strong minded girl. Even I gave up."
I remember my senior colleague from my previous company. A totally biased person who loves the world that lives by his code. Want to know his code? Story books are useless...those who write them are dumb heads who have no work, those who read them are even worse off. Why? Because story books give you a different perspective? Tells you about someone else's thought process? So many people have told me, ohh fictions are worthless, such things never happen in reality. Excuse me, they do happen. All this while, how do you think I have sustained, if the miracle had not happened in my life. All the time I clung on to that single ray of light, that voice with the first tremor of life murmuring in my ears, "it feels so different when you kiss me back, than when I kiss you. It feels so much better..." Whatever is taken away from me in my life, this is what I will never lose. The triumph of my faith in love, my miracle, proving that love is indeed, supreme.
So ya, not to deviate, let us end on a hilarious note. Might teach bullied people about how to give it back. Without being hurtful. I had set my gtalk tagline as "Tum bin mann ki baat adhuri..." - the song being a summary of all my feelings for the love of my life. This above mentioned ex colleague pings me and dictates - "and pl chnage such line from gtalk status this is not good".
Me: "It is my gtalk, and my tagline...whatever is in my mind, it should reflect that only right?"
" what ever it is , there are some thing which is good to be hidden... any way . no more comment"
Me: hmm :) I want it to be known
"ok"
It pains me a lot to see him being bullied unnecessarily. They have always bullied him and he has never reacted, the gentleman that he is. May be today's entry ensues from that pain only. That I am so helpless, I cannot save the most beloved person of my life from being dictated in a way he doesn't deserve. If I know him even the least bit, he won't be able to pretend for a life time. He is not made of that material. Had he not been as much of a rebel at heart as me, we would have never felt like soul mates. I really don't know when he will realize, that until you are happy in your heart, you cannot give away happiness. It is a strange case of living in a pseudo world...he is convinced he is happy this way, happy being a dead body. From some twisted crooked altruistic sense ingrained in him, he feels he deserves giving up his choice, deserves to be forced to follow that diktat, and never know exultation. But whatever it be, how can I desert the person who had given me the truest sense of happiness and freedom and benevolence once? Until he deserts me, I am not going to walk out on this relationship. My parents have to endure their dreams being crushed, because firstly, their dreams follow nothing but the norms of the society which I have never paid heed to, and secondly and most importantly, they gave birth to such a daughter and brought her up to be the way she is :)
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