কি হচ্ছে কিছুই বুঝতে পারিনা - কিছু অনর্থক চিন্তা, কিছু অহেতুক ভাবনা, কিছু গান আর কিছু স্বপ্ন, জানিনা এ কি ছেলেমানুষী।
"আমার" কথাটাই বড্ড অর্থহীন। আমার বুবু , আমার ঋত, এত আমার আমার করি কেন আমি? আজ এতদিন বাদে ঋত -র ছবি দেখে যেন মনটা ঝপ করে ১২ বছর আগে ফিরে গেল - with that same sense of possession. It took me to that ancient dreamland which I used to think is a wreck by now. May be how Rose felt when she was taken to the wreckage of the Titanic after so many years, and she suddenly realized, nothing had changed actually...
It came rushing to my mind, just how much I had loved Rito, depended on him, thought him to be the basis of my life. My Rito, my Rito, my Rito...Rito used to be the God in my life...
Today when life itself is reaching a standstill, it was nice to see the God again.
And even before that, it was a strange morning. A morning when my Boo Boo woke me up...though throughout the night, I had been with him only, I never felt he is away...I was too happy coexisting with him as a same soul, as he traveled back to me...but then...the happiness gradually seeped through reality and evaporated. What kind of a life is it, when you are not allowed to live it as per your wish? Oh why should I bother? I am all set to go...আমার তো ছুটি হয়েছে, তাই না? কেন চিন্তা, কিসের চিন্তা? যাকে ছেড়ে চলে যাব ঠিক করেছি, তাকে নিয়ে কিসের ভাবনা? সে কেমন থাকলো আমি কেন ভাবতে যাব, সে কি কোনদিন ভেবেছে আমি কেমন আছি বা থাকব?
I don't know...I am happy that time is ticking. Oh what would I have done if time would have stood still? They say a relationship fails when you cease to be yourself. But haven't I always been myself in my relationships? Have I not given a lot, always more than what the other person ever deserved, and then when I asked for the love, I have been turned down. As if I am supposed only to give. See...I don't care that my life is a wreck, and I guess it is not as bad a wreck as I think it to be. I am proud that I have asked back, I am proud that I haven't compromised, I haven't pretended. I am happy I haven't adjusted with a make shift life, I waited for it, and when it didn't come I accepted the emptiness, but I haven't resorted to brainwash myself. May be that is the reason, in some corners of my mind, my love stories remain alive, and as fresh as a newly blossomed flower.
"আমার" কথাটাই বড্ড অর্থহীন। আমার বুবু , আমার ঋত, এত আমার আমার করি কেন আমি? আজ এতদিন বাদে ঋত -র ছবি দেখে যেন মনটা ঝপ করে ১২ বছর আগে ফিরে গেল - with that same sense of possession. It took me to that ancient dreamland which I used to think is a wreck by now. May be how Rose felt when she was taken to the wreckage of the Titanic after so many years, and she suddenly realized, nothing had changed actually...
It came rushing to my mind, just how much I had loved Rito, depended on him, thought him to be the basis of my life. My Rito, my Rito, my Rito...Rito used to be the God in my life...
Today when life itself is reaching a standstill, it was nice to see the God again.
And even before that, it was a strange morning. A morning when my Boo Boo woke me up...though throughout the night, I had been with him only, I never felt he is away...I was too happy coexisting with him as a same soul, as he traveled back to me...but then...the happiness gradually seeped through reality and evaporated. What kind of a life is it, when you are not allowed to live it as per your wish? Oh why should I bother? I am all set to go...আমার তো ছুটি হয়েছে, তাই না? কেন চিন্তা, কিসের চিন্তা? যাকে ছেড়ে চলে যাব ঠিক করেছি, তাকে নিয়ে কিসের ভাবনা? সে কেমন থাকলো আমি কেন ভাবতে যাব, সে কি কোনদিন ভেবেছে আমি কেমন আছি বা থাকব?
I don't know...I am happy that time is ticking. Oh what would I have done if time would have stood still? They say a relationship fails when you cease to be yourself. But haven't I always been myself in my relationships? Have I not given a lot, always more than what the other person ever deserved, and then when I asked for the love, I have been turned down. As if I am supposed only to give. See...I don't care that my life is a wreck, and I guess it is not as bad a wreck as I think it to be. I am proud that I have asked back, I am proud that I haven't compromised, I haven't pretended. I am happy I haven't adjusted with a make shift life, I waited for it, and when it didn't come I accepted the emptiness, but I haven't resorted to brainwash myself. May be that is the reason, in some corners of my mind, my love stories remain alive, and as fresh as a newly blossomed flower.
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