Some thoughts, some incidents...that's what I'm gonna write about today. I know my thoughts are becoming repetitive, but given my gluing properties, when can I think beyond the problem at hand?
I'm pretty relaxed otherwise. But once in a while negative thoughts come over, mingled with memories of our good old days of friendship. We used to bitch like buddies...once in a while I'd scream and say, man, you are not at all a gentleman. He'd give a condescending smile and say, I am not a gentleman...
In one of these days we were discussing a certain colleague. "He's a psycho"...he'd say. "No way", I'd say, "He's a perfect gentleman" - you see...first thing is except idiocy (lying, bossing and boasting, I have grown to tolerate to some extent), there's hardly any negative quality I see in a person, and then, this guy had become quite a good friend. It was then that he'd tell me the stories of his folly, stories I had already heard from other people. This guy was so desperate about marriage, that he'd follow new girls in the company, and reach up to their home in pursuit. We'd laugh a lot, and then I'd again try to protect this guy, and talk to him about what follies I had committed with the same goal in mind. The navy guy, the Mumbai guy, the Egypt guy, the famous stupidities of my life.
What does he think now, I wonder. Makes fun of me in his mind? Compare me to this colleague thinking that I am equally crazy about marriage? And then I remember our moments together. About whom am I thinking like this? My best friend? The guy who has literally cradled me through all tough times? The guy who never says no to anything I do (except probably eating food that's dropped on the table or his leftovers - the no wastage freak that I am). Who taught me to follow my mind, to be myself, to stop being apprehensive about everything. Why on earth should he have such ideas about me today - does he not know me inside out for a long time now. And flashes would come back - me breaking down into spontaneous tears, and he asking...tell me sweetie, what is it? It's only me...now that I have finally told...it doesn't matter to him anymore...
A girl in the office came back today from her hometown. Poor kid had been facing a lot of hardships. Had been into a divorce like situation - but thankfully matters were resolved today. She fought her bad time so bravely, hardly let anybody know about her misfortune, but today you should see her. She's literally coaxing people to see her marriage album. Girls are like that only, they'd go overboard when something good happens. You should have seen me on October 15. I literally felt I don't need anything else on earth, I have got all I ever wanted. I'd still label it as the only miracle that ever happened in my life.
All said and done, I am gradually going back to my usual life. I am doing a bit of office work, which thankfully is keeping me engaged. I am still averse to seeing the doctor, but at least I am taking self prescribed medicines (don't know if that's good or worse). I can't read long enough, but still I target and read 30 pages or so every night (though I'd be very fidgety and revolting). I still don't watch movies or TV, but that night I managed to watch Exorcist with my bro, and quite liked it. And meanwhile I keep praying to God, God Who has always been my friend, despite all He did to me...make this miracle happen, I know You can...
Who knows if the miracle will happen again or not? All I want is - reason enough that I am never forced to blame the person I have loved so much...he is my cutie pie...I just don't want to judge him...I know there's no way I can revive our sweet old friendship, just wanna have good thoughts about the past.
Today I celebrate 7 years of joining my first IT company. 7 years of living away from home. A journey from being 25 to being 32, 49 kgs to 67 kgs, having hundreds of friends to friends you can count by your fingers, software engineer to manager, pauper to millionaire, dreamer to loner - a day worth celebrating no?
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