“Subarnalata” is not my type of story. My type of story would be with soft spoken, dreamy, romantic girls. She is a rather strong lady. Though she is deeply, severely hurt, she never gives up.
These days, every night, after returning home, I read a bit of her story. Then I sleep. Inevitably, I’ll wake up early in the dawn because of the some discomfort or the other. When it is time to come to office, I’d have to plead with myself.
After Sunday, I kept wondering about the consequences. I wrote yesterday about the blank decision box, right. Neither did I know what question to ask inside it, nor did I know where the yes/no branches might head to. My favourite “Kareeb” song:
“Jaane kyon ruki hai zindagi…tham gayi hai kyon…gujarti nahi…”
Was it a slap on my face? I already knew in my heart of hearts right, that the outcome of all my hard work would be negative. It’s only me, who has been demanding estrangement. So, when it finally comes, why the sudden jolt of pain? My favourite “OSO” song:
“Chhan se jo tutey koi sapna…jag suna suna lage…jag suna suna lage re…Koi rahe na jab apna…jag suna suna lage…jag suna suna lage re…”
She died at 50. I don’t know when death will finally embrace me. Till that point, this pain will be there.
I sat quietly at my desk, with the song going on in my mind – “Mere saajan hai us par…main mann maar…hun is paar…o mere majhi abki baar…le chal paar…le chal paar” – and thought, why do I love music so much? May be so that it can keep me alive in the worst of times.
As usual, me, the elder sister of myself, try my best to comfort. The day moves on. His laughter comes vaguely to my ears. I go all cold and numb. But still I breathe on...
"Aankhen na kholun main...shayad sapna ho..."
"Mujhe gham bhi unka ajeez hai...ke unhi ki di hui cheez hai..."
Like waves lash on the shore, songs lash on my mind. A smile comes up.
"Bodhua aamar chokhe jol enechhe haye...bina karone..."
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