All this while, I have been talking about giving up. Why should I give up? I choose to be a survivor. What I could do, I have done. I think I have shown him the entire truth, now if he chooses to be blind, that should not be my problem.
It felt so lonely to have finally lost him. If I had wanted I could have maintained our friendship, but after a lot of deliberation, I am quite sure now, that's not what I want. And that won't help us anyways. Loneliness has a certain virtue. It gives you a lot of courage and strength. But it definitely doesn't take away the pain.
Thank God I won't be bothered by questions such as, "how did he change so much", "did he never love me" etc. anymore. I know the answer to that. One clear, emotionless, factual and extremely sweet "Ok, I love you". If he doesn't want to take it forward, I don't want to coax him anymore. I did ask him, if he's happy after telling this. He said yes. So after that, I can safely leave it to him. I can hope, I can have faith, but I cannot nag. And I cannot continue this stupid friendship, when all we need is to be with each other for life. Moving on is definitely not on the cards, but survival is :)
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