Ode to my iPod...but can it replace my best friend?

It feels good to have done all you could have done. I think I have been saying this more often recently. I am plain and simple proud of myself. Way I have handled the situation. Trust me, I am not made up of champion material. I was on the verge of giving up. But thank God, I didn't end up becoming a loser. Neither have I lost hope. Hope about life, hope about sustenance of our relationship, hope about good things. I did all that was possible for me. Allowed myself ample rest, but didn't skip office (except for the morning after my beer pitcher), did my work moderately well (thank God again, that there was not much work - I was a bit sluggish, but didn't leave anything pending), tried to find actual ways of self betterment (and the betterment of my best friend as well), did extensive reading to explore our psychological situation (and I wrote to a psychotherapist as well). It's been a very much Forrest Gumpish existence in the recent days, (ran, slept etc etc) - but at length I am happy. Happy to have done everything, and now I simply wait for the results.

I must thank my iPod. 4 years 2 months back, when I got it for myself, I never knew it'd become such a good friend. Somehow it manages to play just the right tracks for me (I always put it in shuffle mode).

Tell you what, the futility is still there. I cried a lot last night. It is so difficult to do away without a family life. Nuances yes, but necessary nuances right? Sunday, dad's brother in law died, Wednesday, mom's youngest cousin got married. They participated in both, were with each other. It's never my family or your family, it's always, our extended family. To think I will never have someone to share this kind of feeling, is indeed disheartening. But practically, there's a very remote possibility now. I am a stupid girl I know. After everything, I trusted him. But can I trust another time? I don't think so. You see, it's a bigger woe to have lost your best friend, than to have lost your lover. May be miracles happen. But I needn't count on them anymore.