Have you ever faced a situation when grief has made you quite speechless, yet in the back of your mind, a song is going on, which tells about dreams coming true?
Can there be so much self denial? Can human feeling change so radically – that it becomes non -existent? I just tell myself, I cannot hope. I shouldn’t hope. And then, when I’m walking down the road, some biker just fidgets with his helmet visor, and I feel a pang. I just see the road where we had walked across for the first time – he squeezing my hand and begging for the Chevrolet Beat, it’s the same road, but he is nowhere to be seen.
I must accept that I have lost him. I must accept that he never loved me in a way I wanted. He never loved me back. Period. Men do a lot of things in life, without actually feeling anything in their mind. I was a fool to have thought otherwise. I am a fool. It is not yet a past tense. I continue to be an idiot.
But you know what? If he ever talks again with me, I’ll dance with joy. If he ever kisses me again, I’ll be on seventh heaven. And if ever he decides to love me – I might stop breathing…
And you know what will happen in reality? He will never talk. In few months he will get married. And I shall live on with the fact that once again I got involved in a relationship and couldn’t make it work.
I will always regret having ruined our friendship. However, let us stop harping on this...
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