Well, for once I don't know what to write, in a time, when writing seems a compulsion. India seems ok, ok from a sense, that it's ok enough to adapt. At least it doesn't seem as revolting as Calcutta would seem, after I'd return from Shantiniketan.
I love beer these days. Last week I have been drinking quite a lot. I drank on Tuesday, Wednesday (mostly on my client manager's insistence, he's a simple Czech guy u see, who can't do without beer :P), then after coming back to India, on Friday and even yesterday. Yesterday I realized for the first time that I have started liking the smell of beer. The taste too. Addiction is though, a real faraway thing. But I have definitely grown a liking.
For the first time in my life, I seem to be so open to new things. Breaking barriers maybe. I am ok drinking beer. I am ok with most other things also. I don't bother much. Don't bring in silly ideological questions that tend to spoil the fun. Fact is, I don't want the fun either. I am ok in my solitude. I am ok with my zero expectation. I knew this was coming. For a long time now. Perhaps I'd spare some time to think of the probable consequences then, i.e. 2-3 months back. Now I am totally neutral. I don't care. Men, don't have the power to confuse me anymore. My life too, doesn't hurt me anymore with whichever direction it decides to take. I just want one thing. I should remain healthy enough to keep doing some work or the other. I can't afford to give my mind, idle time enough. I need to keep it engaged in some worthwhile work.
Words do not matter. The sense of possession, the ruthlessness of violation, the feeling of comfort doesn't need words to be expressed. But if I start thinking about it, I shall go mad. The option of going back to Kolkata acts as a shield. I am glad I have a home there. If I have nowhere else to go, I can take shelter there.
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