Reflections...

Well, however grave the last two days must have been, I am fine now. Early in the morning, as I woke up, I distinctly felt that my blog is beckoning me :) But first I had to take a bath, have breakfast and check my mails. Mails too seemed pretty positive. Opened youtube and tuned in to "Tu jo nahi hai to" once again - and started writing.

Well you might know, that I love reading :) I read everything...mostly fictions though, but even wikipedia and TOI and yahoo in details. So somehow or the other, yesterday I ended up reading about Parveen Babi. And for me, reading means research.

Ok, let me first write about what happened on Friday. When I wrote here I am adventure prone, I had no idea which is the next one in the row. I have this really silly habit of keeping the cell beside me, and not in my pocket. Friday evening, I came back after a long tiring day (in fact week) of work, ate a humble dinner, called mom, and was mostly lazing about and surfing the net. Around 10 in the night, I went to the bathroom. I was inside the bathroom, when the door handle broke and I got locked inside. It took me some time to realize the situation. I used my engineering knowledge and discovered that the screw is absolutely stuck in, no way that without a screwdriver I can open it. Being Friday, no one would have noticed that I am locked in, till Monday, and I also didn't have my phone to call from inside the bathroom. I broke down, just for a fraction of a second. "This can't be happening to me, no God, you can't do this to me...". But it took me a very little while to recover from the panic stricken stage. Shows how well used I am nowadays with crisis situations. First I started banging on the bathroom door, with my hands and shouted for help. Then I found a floor moper. To give my hands a bit of rest - I started using it to make noise. I had to desperately continue this feat for almost an hour, till I was heard. A neighbor lady called some locksmith, and he came and broke the lock. Even as the locksmith was mending the door lock, some bathroom fitting broke off. But crux of the matter, I was rescued in a time span of around 3 hours.

Yesterday, I was a bit dazed. Didn't get enough sleep. Over that had to go out and get money from ATM for paying the locksmith and had to wait for him to come over and finish the work. Till then, with the big holes in the main door, I was not at peace. Once he left, I went back to youtube, and started watching Arth, as part of my research on Parveen Babi. I don't know why this lady appealed to me to this extent. Because she had a Bohemian mindset like me? Suffered from insecurities and indecision like me? Never got enough love and died alone, and my end might be very similar? I am no celebrity, never even intend to be. I love being left alone. But still, I remember the cry I gave, when I watched Woh Lamhe, in one of the very intense scenes. I remember that Anand was very embarrassed with me, reacting like that in the packed theater. The wounds were still very sore then, and I could perfectly relate to the girl whose mind was going haywire for no particular fault of her's.

Do I await the same fate? I don't think I will ever go crazy. Enough has already happened in my life to jitter my mind, and I have maintained my stability all the same. If you talk of Schizophrenia, well, I created my alter ego pretty early in my life, and still maintain her, and I do talk to myself at all times (even in office), and I do laugh a lot and cry as well - with myself, but I don't think it's very scary. But dying alone is. And as time passes, it seems more and more probable. The locked in episode has shaken me a bit. I don't know what's in store for me, but I am very skeptical.