Sedin dujone....

God, spare me this. Why do You do this to me everytime. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I don't want to love anymore God, let me live alone.

Would You ever understand the pain of loving and losing? Struggling at every step? Feeling lonely? Bracing Yourself and trying to keep Yourself steady? And being uprooted? Regularly? Since You are God, You don't need to do that.

I hate this uprooting. I don't want to go now. But when I think deeply, I think it is perhaps better to go. It is better not to get myself in any kind of illusion. Harry Potter won't come and save me everytime with his crude magic (yeah to tell the truth, the magic you did Harry, was indeed undesirable number 1 :D :D ).

Should I really think about marrying and settling down? Do away with the childish romance? Can I live life after that? But if I don't do that, what is the other way out? Ok then, let's give it a shot. I anyways don't have anything to lose.

Today I feel, as if each and every decision I have taken in life has been wrong. Has somehow backfired on me. I want to tell like Laila in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, "Mujhe apsos karna nahi aata" - but himmat hi kahan hai mujhmein? All I know is to crib, crib crib. Never did anything for myself. Never made my parents happy. Just lived this life...without being alive ever.

Today, it all seems like a dream. It really does. That day it seemed so real...so so real. How was I mistaken to this extent, why had I to do this foolishness. Why have I been such an idiot?

Dekho...apsos hi bus kar rahihun...nahi? Huh...I won't change. I can't change. I shall never intervene and finally say, God does everything for good. Good???!!!

When shall I start trusting myself and my instincts? When shall I do something for myself, to make me happy?