I remember his sermon - expectation rakkho hi mat....everything changed but this fact didn't change. That I shouldn't keep any expectation from anyone.
Well it's certainly not like 26th August, 2007. But - aamake taan maare ratri jaga nadi...
You can call it a flash back. We eating pizza, he giving me the piece with more pineapple. She likes pumpkin curry, she likes pineapple, subtle facts, which, frankly speaking, probably even my mom and dad don't know. We used to sit side by side or facing each other - during each and every meal. I somehow remember the protection. The shielding.
Can't help quoting the chat I had today with Deepti.
me: n I dint feel anything bt care
it was like he was trying to shield me...protect me
koi galat intention laga nahi
Deepti: hmm
jyada soch mat
me: haan phir maine sochna chhod diya
Deepti: use bol shadi karni hai tabhi ye sab kare
otherwise koi jaroorat nahi
me: ha ha ha dadima
usse shaadi nai karni mere se
Deepti: has mat
abse kathor ban balike
me: it was just an act of comforting
mujhe bhi waisa hi laga
no attraction
Deepti: tell him no need to comfort in that way then if he doesn't want to marry
u wl be comforted only with marriage
me: deepti
tu kitni practical ban gayi hai
Deepti: and tell him marriage doesn't mean only fun n sex to u
me: tu yeh movie dekh
phir baat karenge
The movie I spoke about was of course, Iti Mrinalini. And Koushik Sen's performance as Chintan Nair was absolutely stunning.
"Minnie, you know only one kind of love. At times you have to just let go, don't have any expectation. There is a love that sets you free..."
All night I dreamt. It holds me back...aamake taan maare...
They say I am caring. Who did I learn the care from? They said I am a good host - who taught me? I am trying to do without you, but how can I ever do without your reflection? Which seems to be there in every good person I meet?
Maa pakhi is a very frequently used concept in bengali literature. As on this day, he seems to be my maa pakhi. I know it's a bit of an overstatement, but, frankly speaking, it's only him, who makes me gently put my head on front seat in the bus, and reflect and realize, with a lot of warmth and gratitude, that I feel shielded.
Finally I have reached that stage in life when I do not care. Still, I liked that fact that he just supports. Doesn't indulge weakness. Yesterday night, I really felt elated. I can live alone now. Can I have a friend like Mrinalini did? Who says, 'ami aschi', in my worst moment? Can I ask for just this much, dear God?
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