I know my entries are becoming progressively negative, but I don't care. I want some stability. I want a house to live in. A place where I can permanently stay. I cannot float around like this. When I look back, from 2007 to 2011, everyone's world has changed in more than one way. Even mine changed. In what way? I am even more of a dead creature, than I used to be before.
I don't think it can ever get better than this. I don't hope too. I trusted that lady. An astrologer lady I had been to. Last year, around this time only. Naveen had taken me to her. She had said, I'd get married by this year April. I know everyone will laugh. But I trusted her. I expected something good to happen, and waited patiently. Now I know it won't happen. I am done with life. All this while, I knew death was near. I was just keeping it at bay. Allowing myself some more time to live. What did I gain by being a thoroughly honest and upright person? By giving my best in everything. Nobody simply cared. There's no end to my tears, I know. I doomed my own life. I simply don't care anymore. I give up. Actually give up. I can feel in myself, that reluctance to live. No miracle shall ever happen, there is no God on earth. I am not cribbing, I am just destroying my dream world. The world that kept me alive.
No comments:
Post a Comment