Happy thoughts!

Having said that I am not the one who wants to 1) hurt people just like that and 2) particularly hurt back people who hurt me without a reason, this rather saintly behavior at times costs me every ounce of my self control.

But I am happy that at the end of the day I am a strong girl. I am not immune to hurt, no. But even in an already depressed state of mind, I make it a point to strongly resist a further doze of negative thoughts. E.g. I almost broke down once in the morning and asked myself what's the point in wearing the nose ring. And I found the answer from within. You don't groom yourself to be appreciated by the outside world, you want to look pretty to make yourself happy. A beautiful girl with a smiling face is such a boon to the disaster struck world...isn't it so?

And so I went out, beautiful in my skirt and color coded short top, the scarf and the sunglasses in place, kajal in my eyes, my favorite crystal earrings - and of course my diamond nose ring. Very sad, shaken and tired from within, but looking happy anyways.

My realizations don't die, the music that has comforted me all this while and given me company - are still my favorite, I still like humming those tunes, only the hero is dead. My hero, who, I had thought once in sheer agony, would be hitting the monster who dared to cause me pain. That hero doesn't remain a hero if he calls our friendship as a relationship. Even if we went physical, even if we had married, it still should have been friendship and nothing else. Calling it a relationship was a clear end to all these 18 years of hero worship. And a good enough closure too, because I feel like loving someone new...someone who's not gone so stale.

I find myself beautiful and I don't pretend. I am happy with my lonely existence, I don't spread bitterness. Yes, I shall die a lonely death - big deal, that!

Oh, to end this well, shopping is indeed therapeutic...and so is eating junk, or drinking cold coffee :) Just go for anything that makes you happy, important thing is to feel happy...