Fixing myself...

I don't know how much time it took to fix myself...perhaps an hour at the most? I just pulled out a few extra eyebrows with my tweezers (European - bought from Prague, because there I didn't get to thread my eyebrows)...cleaned up the face, and applied nailpolish. But I felt happy (despite the apparent sadness at my balding head - the imaginative girl in me pictured this old lady with an inch wide parting on her head - going to the sweet shop. Moral of the story, Pupu can probably even avoid blood sugar but won't be able to avoid balding...)

The last few days were hectic and stressful. Mom had the D&C and she's been quite bedridden with pain. I had to take up most of the household work as well. But whatever efforts it might demand, there's a certain satisfaction in serving your family. Since I am never going to have my own family, I draw it as much as I can from these little chores. Like serving a hot meal...

But end of the day there's just too much to handle. I try out things...watch movies, download books, and warn myself, if you start reading this now, there goes your paper. Unfortunately the Hyderabad trip was planned before I could foresee any of these things. So I must get along with the plans.

Head hurts, back hurts too. I am not habituated to do so much of physical work. Reason I am surviving is because coffee and sweets were invented by the human race. I break promises at times and post things on FB which I shouldn't. I am lonely and hurt and don't know the reason why I am being punished...by some one who'd rather have killed himself before hurting me. But then he is not in himself, such bitterness...in the person whom I have called my hero?

Happiness is, when some arbitrary person reacts to your rants, or bothers to reach out. A kid in my team, a good, original, frank and emotional guy. He's often told me in small unassuming ways that he admires my skills at work. Probably he appreciates my emotional side too...perhaps he tries to identify me as a complete (albeit screwed up) person? In a friendless, void, challenge of an existence even this much recognition means a lot.

Don't know if I deserve a pseudo holiday or if this is the proper time for it. I am still fixing myself, I am still fighting...