My parents have taught me...I don't know how many parents teach this to their children, and how many of them learn it...but my parents have more or less succeeded in making me a good human being.
I have realized it often...mostly when people hurt me. I don't hurt them back. If I can find even one reason behind their desire to hurt, I take the blows silently. The only guy whom I had consciously hurt back was the Mumbai guy...because he was so full of pretensions...he didn't have even an ounce of honesty about himself.
Anand had a lot of honesty in him. He was honest in feeling his pain and going insane because of that pain. It was pain and anger built up for a lifetime - and now that I have grown up, I realize that he didn't have a way out than inflict it upon me. I don't blame him for that. Anand is the guy who came closest to becoming my husband, and I shouldn't give up my respect for him only because I regret his insanity. If he is happy today, he is happy because he could take out that venom on someone. That the someone was me doesn't count...
There's no substitute to loneliness...I have finally realized that...I was wrong in thinking that I have a safe haven somewhere...everyone can hurt me, even my parents can. I guess because I didn't have children, there's been a role reversal, my parents have become my children. And ever since mom became sick, I kind of lost it...I couldn't take the tension alone...all the madness that followed was really a result of that. I just needed some real support of a man during this time of crisis. I had no idea that the man I resorted to has become so weak that he himself needs support...
Happiness is for other people...I don't count...
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