Hatred and love...

See, I have no sympathy for Tamil people as a race. I have couple of very good friends from the place, but that doesn't change the facts. They are crude, superstitious, sadistic and irrational in general. They are hugely talented, make no mistake about that. But that doesn't make up for their lack of sensitivity and empathy. Ask Arjun Kapoor how he feels about a Tamilian seducing his dad while his mom was dying? Basically they are all actors and have no real feelings in their minds. Everyone mourning for this amma lady must be an actor too. They have been brought up like this. To be fake, to show off. I hate sycophants.

Life's about small triumphs nowadays, because the big ones don't come by. I am so much irritated by pretentious people these days, that I lose my composure and give it back. And these people are surprised. How can someone be like this? So much reckless? Stupid things don't understand that I have nothing to lose in the battle of life. The only thing I want to keep intact when I die is my self-respect. And I can fight tooth and nail for it. Way I play chess. Attacking. Going for draw is not my cup of tea. Win or lose.

He touches a chord. See, the disruption is also in my imagination, like the nearness. Nothing might be true in reality. But when he surprises me by turning up in the office unannounced, coming near me, standing beside me, handing me papers - I can't even show him that I tremble from within. It's such a peace, so much joy. This sense of being in love with someone. And this almost rare feeling of wishing someone well, selflessly. Because you see, he is one person who deserves to be treated like that. Like telling God, please give him my share of happiness too. He's my baby in a way :)

I miss Nikhu all the more when I return from my music classes, rather late at night. Nikhu used to get really upset if I'd venture out anywhere else, once I return home from office in the evening. He'd bite the hem of my dress and throw tantrums, and still unable to stop me, would walk me to the class and wait somewhere nearby. As soon as I would emerge out of the class an hour later and come close enough to him (Nikhu was a bit shortsighted) he'd let out a joyous howl (which was music to my ears) and would happily trot alongside me, until I reached home.

Nikhu, I hate sycophants. But I am your fan. You were really my world. And though you wouldn't share your food with your friends, and would be stupid and stubborn at times (like getting wet in the rain - what finally killed you), you were the model dog in every other respect. You endured a lot in your small life. Being orphaned, losing your siblings, your first two girlfriends. I have seen you go through it all, better than a strong human. And finally to regain your happiness after recovering from each and every blow. I miss you Nikhu, you were my hero, and I shall always love you...I shall always be lonely without you...