When was the last time...

You used to say...where did you go away? I miss you every moment...jahan bhi raho...bus khush raho aap...

I surprise myself in so many ways, you know. When I go for fully vegetarian meals all of a sudden, and hear out the names...spring dosa, chinese bread pakoda, raj kachori chaat, dahi vada and kesar falooda (yummyyyyyy - but don't think I ate everything...shared it with bhai also), buy myself a pink nail polish (OMG), a fluorescent green flowery earring (God help me...but ahem...there was same pattern in fluorescent orange as well...I managed to divert my mind from that), smilingly fight with an autowallah and convince him to take me home in 20 Rs...you know, you should see me to believe this. For the first time in my life, I am being myself. I am happy the way I am. Things are going smooth in life. My previous PM was good enough to mail me that the project I was handling, went through testing with "decent enough quality". That's two successes in a row.

Of course I know how temporary this is. I know I cannot have a smooth life. So I am not at all tempted to change my general state of mind - being disinterested about everything. But for some strange reason I feel confident. I feel less weighed down. I don't worry as much as I used to...

Tukro kore kachhi
Aami dubte raji achhi...aami dubte raji achhi...
Tomaar khola haway...

Want to get my driving license. I am not fully sure, but somehow I feel, this driving thing will make my life better. Bring in some speed. I don't really care about petrol prices on the rise. All I care about is...not hitting street doggies and ya...humans as well...but anyways...I need the openness. I am tired of buses and auto rickshaws. May be a year...or two. I won't take too expensive a house...and anyways it's gonna be a rented one only. If I lose the job (or simply decide to leave the job), I vacate the house, sell off the car and go back to Kolkata. Actually why sell off. I shall keep the car. In Kolkata I shall start my business, or probably take up a job of teaching or administrative work. Anything is fine for me...I am capable of doing a multitude of things. I shall live bossie, I wanna live. I don't feel lonely anymore. Whenever I am successful, people show their confidence in me...I can feel you standing by my side. ...

now you are ML

shud manage all these chottu chottu things

Kitni badi hogayi hun nahi? Zindagi se ladte ladte aakhir jeena sikh hi gayi...(wah wah)

It started raining...see...this life...I shall manage...keep myself busy...in finding ways to survive. I shall enjoy life. Don't worry. But not beyond this life...you shall come back after that...won't you? When did you ever go away? That I ask you to come back? If you were not there, could any of these things happen?

Achhe se nayan taray...alok dharay...tai na haray...
ogo tai dekhi tay jethay sethay...takai ami jedik paane...
praner manush achhe prane...tai heri tay sakal khane...

:) :)