In life you can not have two minds, you must know what you want...

When I am in a good mood, and you ask me how often I get angry, I shall give you a sweet smile and say, I seldom get angry...

But the truth is, I get angry very easily. I get angry whenever I see wrong, unfairness. That is just a coincidence that most unfairness happens to me. I get equally agitated at unfairness to others.

I wanted to see what the company does for me, now that I have done my work successfully enough. To sum up,
1. I won't be allowed to keep the office laptop - which would have helped a lot in my work.
2. I would actually get LOP for the 4.33 days extra. This is a new policy and was not even communicated - just the same repetition of the reasons I left my previous company.
3. Worst thing is, I am not really going home only for personal reasons. I am going for official work as well, to get police clearance for the work permit thing. No leave for that
4. And you know what. In my company, if you land in India at 9 AM you get a leave for the day. But if you land the previous day, you don't.

Ok. I went to indigo site. Told myself, just 750 bucks. All your problem is solved. No LOP. You get to attend the training. And your stay at home is just 8 days less. I was almost going to submit the changed booking, when I stopped myself.

1. I needed rest yesterday. Just couldn't have made it to office. Needed to watch Gaaner Opare, do some cooking, and spend a more or less lazy day at home, just to convince myself, life won't be that bad at offshore. I needed to avoid the sun, needed to calm myself down. I need a lot of comforting these days. Almost to the extent of pampering. Only reason I took leave yesterday, was to attend to that. And I am sure, nothing is more important to me, than Gora singing "Aamar sakal kaanta dhanyo kore...phutbe phool phutbe..."
2. Why should I skip my trip home, or even shorten it. I have done it before for this stupid company which won't even give me a due promotion. As also for the company with which I was serving a notice period. I split up my trip home last time. This time I have to again shorten it. Why the hell? If I deserve anything on earth, I deserve the company of mom and dad, the cozy recluse of my home. Can anything else be more important, more worthwhile?
3. To hell with money. Let them siphon out my money. That doesn't make me any poorer. Now I have the confidence that I can survive anywhere. And even if I don't survive, please let's live now.

I won't do anything now. Just sit quietly. Spend the remaining 12 days. Then go home. Whoever said in my childhood, that I will have to struggle for anything and everything in life, was dead wrong. I stop struggling from today. What have I got to lose? Job? Money? Onsite? Travel? Doesn't stand beside mom's food, or writing silly poems in dad's notebook. I love my parents, and here I come :)