I don't know what I am writing and why I am writing. I am just going mad with this "new guy" in my life, and my extreme childishness. God knows what I want to prove. God knows what he wants to prove. I am happy, I am angry, I am lost. And he, apparently, seems to have similar mood swings. Or maybe it's just my imagination. Over that ADHM. My God, KJo, why? What was going on in your mind when you conceptualized the movie? See, I am not calling it good or bad. But KJo and I are virtual thought buddies. It is difficult to see him as confused as I am.
It was in Delhi, on the Saturday when I read my paper. We came back to the hotel dog tired. It is usual that whenever I go to Delhi I am bound to get a toothache. Probably because I eat too much. But that's besides the point. Have I ever mentioned here the broken tooth, the one I broke when I was 17 years old? I refuse to get rid of it till I get married (I already have one tooth plucked out, not another one before my marriage). So I live with that broken tooth, and a subtle threat to my life and well being. So, I could understand that something has got stuck inside the broken inner wall of that tooth, and I was trying to bring that out. Finally I gave up and dozed off. When I woke up, it had come out by itself...through some magic. It was a coriander seed. My first bout of "it's a sign!"
The second bout came at 11:59 pm of 29th October. His mail (last of those philosophical mails) came in and I won my first chess game with the CPU, almost at the same moment. It was uncanny. I got entirely dumbfounded. At times you have to stop yourself from pursuing things that you want to do. I too had to opt out. Who knows how far things would have got?
It was in Delhi, on the Saturday when I read my paper. We came back to the hotel dog tired. It is usual that whenever I go to Delhi I am bound to get a toothache. Probably because I eat too much. But that's besides the point. Have I ever mentioned here the broken tooth, the one I broke when I was 17 years old? I refuse to get rid of it till I get married (I already have one tooth plucked out, not another one before my marriage). So I live with that broken tooth, and a subtle threat to my life and well being. So, I could understand that something has got stuck inside the broken inner wall of that tooth, and I was trying to bring that out. Finally I gave up and dozed off. When I woke up, it had come out by itself...through some magic. It was a coriander seed. My first bout of "it's a sign!"
The second bout came at 11:59 pm of 29th October. His mail (last of those philosophical mails) came in and I won my first chess game with the CPU, almost at the same moment. It was uncanny. I got entirely dumbfounded. At times you have to stop yourself from pursuing things that you want to do. I too had to opt out. Who knows how far things would have got?
What's friendzoning? I don't know. There are so many new terms in use these days. I get to know about most of them from (as usual) things he reads. And at times I am left thinking for hours. He says such strangely mature things at times. How this guy became the person he is? How he developed this thought process? Such original and unbiased thinking.
Yes, I am in sheer, disastrous, devastating love. Yes, I have our moments and chuckles. Yes, I want to die. Because I recognize him and can't even acknowledge that...
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