Sanity

Baby, I am going to inject some sanity in you. Because, this, what you are doing to yourself, is harmful. You call it your bubble. But then you start trusting the make believe world. You think of reciprocation. Which is not possible, at least in this case. So, please for the sake of God, forget this. Come out of this madness. Even the booking clerk was more real than this. Rito was more real, he spoke to you and ended the relationship on his own accord.

You have chosen your miseries. You have to live with those. Conformation is not your strong point. You have to bear the consequences of having chosen a life that doesn't conform to the society's norms. But don't even dare to be this kind of a non-conformist. It won't work out and the mess would really weigh on your well-being. Resort to the break up song and break up with your fantasies. Don't bother to delete these recent entries. Let that be your only consolation. If someday he reads them, he'd call you mad and heave a sigh of relief knowing that you broke up with him.

And then I'd get drunk and keep walking on the roads at night. I once called him in the morning. Not morning, 11-ish. He must have been sleeping. That sleepy, grumpy tone of his voice still rings in my mind. And I am asked to differentiate reality from imagination. Reality is that I am depressed - and when I am depressed I stop taking care of me. I haven't taken a decent bath in the last two days, I am not going to the doctor when I know that something is seriously wrong in my system. What more can die within me, after what I have already killed, and I can never bring back? Yes all that is reality, my reality. And his reality is that he is the kind of person who'd be able to love a girl like me. There's no imagination in that.

A girl like me, but not me. That's called irony. Welcome to India :)