If I happen to love someone, am I supposed to love everything he loves? What if our choices contradict?
Today I had a narrow escape, a really narrow one. I spent all night yesterday lazing about and didn't prepare for the class. I thought I'd get up early, I couldn't. Over that when I did get up I started chatting with my niece. Finally I could barely reach the university on time for the classes. I still tried thinking on my feet. "Hey guys you know what? Let's do some hands-on - instead of listening to my one way boring lecture..." - alas the machines, most of them, refused to boot up. Some problem with the UPS. Otherwise, correcting errors in the first hands-on class would have been cakewalk. Sigh, I began taking my classes impromptu.
Thank God that I understand computer science. Otherwise any teacher would know how it feels taking a two hours class without any preparation.
That apart, let's get back to the topic I had begun with. Intolerance. The very word. Something I have never understood. You don't like something. Well and good. Stay away from your object of dislike. Why criticize someone who likes it? Why impose your ideas on the other person? I remember from the college days the sheer anger when a friend laughed at me for listening to Yaadein songs. What is your problem man, if I listen to my favorite songs using earphones - how does it bother you? Similarly yesterday someone on my Facebook feed wrote (in that terrible chat shorthand) that she likes the Hemanta version of "Jabar belay pichhu theke daak diye" because supposedly Lataji's (she didn't mention the ji part though) voice is shrill. Please, anyone is free to like any version of a song, does it really, necessarily entail criticizing the other ones(s)?
Similarly for the Rahat Fateh Ali Khan Coke Studio version of Afreen Afreen. I am a huge fan of the Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan version. But the argument that's going on is on who's better. Why do we need to compare? As for the lady, she's sweet and has a certain freshness in her voice. I kinda like RFAK too, even if I didn't, I wouldn't have commented on his version. I shall never cease to be a fan of NFAK, Lisa Ray, the Afreen Afreen song that I have grown up listening to, the making of the CS version will not change any of these facts. So why disrespect someone else's honest attempts?
So am I devoid of intolerance? NO. I am on a blocking spree on FB - particularly people I don't like. People who are hollow and too much of a show off. People who try to portray themselves as great beings by doing apparently lame things.
But otherwise I am feeling extremely sad. Terribly dismal and lonely. A girl with a logical mind cannot dream of stupid things. Yes the heart skipped a beat for a moment - but how can he care? And even if in my wildest assumption, he does, how will he follow through?
I was walking briskly for the class this morning. I suddenly had this thought. Remembered the song "Tu jahaan" from Salaam Namaste. The part that says whenever it's sunny, I'll be your shade, whenever you're lonely, I'll be your shadow...fact remains that I'll never get that lover. Way my sister died out of her grief, even after having such a beautiful daughter - I'll also be forced to face the same consequences. However much I love you, however much romantic I be, things will never change for me. Such thoughts tire me so...
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