They say, whatever God does is always for the best. I am currently in a mental block, so I can't really analyze this statement in the light of recent incidents and comment intelligently on this. I don't regret what happened last night. If I had allowed this euphoria through a drug-induced illusion to go on without reason for another couple of weeks, it could have paralyzed me, even damaged me permanently. I don't know yet how much damage is done, except for a state of numbness, and mild irritability, I don't feel much. I thought I'd cry last night, but was so exhausted, I just slept. I met Pamu and a particular Professor of mine, in my dreams, as I walked down the roads. I don't remember exactly what we talked about.
The only emotional thing that happened was when Ananya called me in the morning. As soon as I had woken up today, I had given her a SoS call...and she called me back after she reached school. Just hearing her voice, I reached liquid frequency - "something happened last night, which is not good news, and I don't know how I feel about it". "But why are you crying?" - "I am not crying idiot, I just heard your voice and started crying, I was not crying earlier".
She had classes. I couldn't tell her anything. I thought, I better write things down and remove memories that are weighing upon my mind, if I want to go down and meet my parents with a straight face.
So yes, I asked him if he would like to try me as a prospective partner, and he said, he doesn't like me enough to do that. I didn't bring this up deliberately...our easy, free flowing conversation led to this topic...but at the same time, only I know how much bravery and prayers I needed to be able to do this...and yet I could sense how he wanted to run away from it.
He spared me a lot of agony that would have resulted, had I gone on analyzing unconvincing data sets and dreaming big. I don't know if we'd be friends again. As two very similar human beings, I had thought we had more to share with each other in this life itself. Yes, my happiness is gone, and that hurts, but then this is me, this is my life, and my destiny...and as I always do, I will just accept and go on. I will miss my friend, and I will miss my dreams :)
The only emotional thing that happened was when Ananya called me in the morning. As soon as I had woken up today, I had given her a SoS call...and she called me back after she reached school. Just hearing her voice, I reached liquid frequency - "something happened last night, which is not good news, and I don't know how I feel about it". "But why are you crying?" - "I am not crying idiot, I just heard your voice and started crying, I was not crying earlier".
She had classes. I couldn't tell her anything. I thought, I better write things down and remove memories that are weighing upon my mind, if I want to go down and meet my parents with a straight face.
So yes, I asked him if he would like to try me as a prospective partner, and he said, he doesn't like me enough to do that. I didn't bring this up deliberately...our easy, free flowing conversation led to this topic...but at the same time, only I know how much bravery and prayers I needed to be able to do this...and yet I could sense how he wanted to run away from it.
He spared me a lot of agony that would have resulted, had I gone on analyzing unconvincing data sets and dreaming big. I don't know if we'd be friends again. As two very similar human beings, I had thought we had more to share with each other in this life itself. Yes, my happiness is gone, and that hurts, but then this is me, this is my life, and my destiny...and as I always do, I will just accept and go on. I will miss my friend, and I will miss my dreams :)
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