It became quite obvious pretty early in the morning that I have to spend the day in a very lonely way, pent up in my room. I accepted it happily...I hoped against hope that may be mom would volunteer to go out in the evening - I'd at least get an opportunity to go out. She didn't. When I got down for lunch, I asked her - she denied. I retreated to my room. I don't like to go out in a crowded world - I hate to show my loneliness to the world. I watched a movie, and then had a show down with dad. He reacted, then relented, as is his way. But for the time in between, he had managed to make me feel so bad...I finally wrote him all that was weighing on my mind.
After I had written the mail...I felt better. At least I felt unburdened. I felt light - I realized I have nothing more to do. I decided to watch another movie. শব্দ in the afternoon had been pretty nerve wrecking, a reason why I am afraid of watching new movies these days. I don't know whether they'd agree with my system. So - I chose a safe one for the evening - one of my most favorite movies, and I was watching it for the second time in life. First time I had watched it when I was in college, with Pamu and her mom. I had noticed for the first time that Pamu wore much better clothes than me. It was obvious that she was more cared for than me. Her mom was her best friend. They watched the movie together as if they were friends - and exchanged comments, I watched it alone, analyzing my world. I scribbled on a piece of paper, "don't let your story go unfinished..."
Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. A movie I have been remembering very often these days. Scenes from it, songs from it. When I was in college, I was this moving and talking cassette of the movie - one song or other would always go on in my mind, I'd be humming them all the time. This time as I watched it, the beauty of Europe in the second half enthralled me. The cobbled roads, the road side restaurants, people sitting and having beer, the churches, the bridges...it reminded me of my Prague, the most beautiful place of earth I have ever visited. Movie, did it touch me? Don't know - hardly one or two scenes. Rest simply seemed make believe, all credit to my bitterness.
I will sleep now...thanks to my parents that they didn't come and bother me further for dinner. I will sleep now. Tomorrow is another day.
After I had written the mail...I felt better. At least I felt unburdened. I felt light - I realized I have nothing more to do. I decided to watch another movie. শব্দ in the afternoon had been pretty nerve wrecking, a reason why I am afraid of watching new movies these days. I don't know whether they'd agree with my system. So - I chose a safe one for the evening - one of my most favorite movies, and I was watching it for the second time in life. First time I had watched it when I was in college, with Pamu and her mom. I had noticed for the first time that Pamu wore much better clothes than me. It was obvious that she was more cared for than me. Her mom was her best friend. They watched the movie together as if they were friends - and exchanged comments, I watched it alone, analyzing my world. I scribbled on a piece of paper, "don't let your story go unfinished..."
Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. A movie I have been remembering very often these days. Scenes from it, songs from it. When I was in college, I was this moving and talking cassette of the movie - one song or other would always go on in my mind, I'd be humming them all the time. This time as I watched it, the beauty of Europe in the second half enthralled me. The cobbled roads, the road side restaurants, people sitting and having beer, the churches, the bridges...it reminded me of my Prague, the most beautiful place of earth I have ever visited. Movie, did it touch me? Don't know - hardly one or two scenes. Rest simply seemed make believe, all credit to my bitterness.
I will sleep now...thanks to my parents that they didn't come and bother me further for dinner. I will sleep now. Tomorrow is another day.
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