The lowest point today was my conversation with my once upon a time boyfriend. I don't know what made me ping him. Perhaps because, despite everything, the guy has cared to keep in touch. I know he is one of those people who can't stand up for themselves, and is dictated by the society. But he has loved me in his own way, cared to come back more than once in my life, tried quite a lot to convince his parents about marrying me (which they didn't accept because they belong to an upper caste), and when his relationship was not working with his wife, I had helped him tackle the situation, and then they reunited, and had a daughter afterwards. So in some way, we have shared our lives and helped each other.
He had pinged me couple of times, I had replied back late. Today, after a hectic first half, as I got some time to relax, I just pinged him to say hi. One thing led to another, and I just happened to tell him of my recent ordeal - met a guy, became friends and then things didn't work out. "Why don't you go for those - ask one question?" - he blurted out. I didn't quite get him. Asked him to explain. At this he says, his suggestion would be that I consult an astrologer and ask him one question - if I'd at all get married. And only if he answers in the affirmative, should I go and meet guys.
Frankly this was a bit too dumb even for my standards (I have met people of all kinds and I usually tend to accept them the way they are). I really am tired about this now. Why does everyone bother so much about my marriage? There is this paper-wallah who comes home to collect junks. Way my parents are - even he has become a family member. The other day, as I was going out for Interstellar, he came up, sat in the porch, and started saying, "this time I found a really smart guy - as much educated as your daughter - only problem is her age - everyone seems to be younger than her...". Other days, I make sure I wish him - this time I just walked past him and stormed out of the house. The guy who cleans our garden and overhead tank, the other day I woke up and got down in the morning to see him having his breakfast. He met me and started saying, "why don't you get married? Look at your dad, he's so worried. Look at your dad's friend, he's so relaxed, now that he's married off both his kids..."
It goes on and on and on. As if I have any objection to getting married. What if things go wrong? What if nobody likes me? What if I have become aged? Aged? Am I? I don't find myself old. Matured, yes. Seasoned well with the world's ways, yes. But old, no. I just don't want this dissection of my personal life by all and sundry. It tires me. I get frustrated.
Have you ever woken up with tired eyes, looked for something, groped in the darkness, and was unable to find it? Wished there was some light? I feel it is impossible for me to protect myself...from this pain. So I embrace it...
And I return to my own world...the world that makes me happy...me and my books. Have been reading up tesseract, and found out about this book called "A Wrinkle in Time". Wiki makes it sound interesting. So long as books are there, I won't be very lonely I guess.
He had pinged me couple of times, I had replied back late. Today, after a hectic first half, as I got some time to relax, I just pinged him to say hi. One thing led to another, and I just happened to tell him of my recent ordeal - met a guy, became friends and then things didn't work out. "Why don't you go for those - ask one question?" - he blurted out. I didn't quite get him. Asked him to explain. At this he says, his suggestion would be that I consult an astrologer and ask him one question - if I'd at all get married. And only if he answers in the affirmative, should I go and meet guys.
Frankly this was a bit too dumb even for my standards (I have met people of all kinds and I usually tend to accept them the way they are). I really am tired about this now. Why does everyone bother so much about my marriage? There is this paper-wallah who comes home to collect junks. Way my parents are - even he has become a family member. The other day, as I was going out for Interstellar, he came up, sat in the porch, and started saying, "this time I found a really smart guy - as much educated as your daughter - only problem is her age - everyone seems to be younger than her...". Other days, I make sure I wish him - this time I just walked past him and stormed out of the house. The guy who cleans our garden and overhead tank, the other day I woke up and got down in the morning to see him having his breakfast. He met me and started saying, "why don't you get married? Look at your dad, he's so worried. Look at your dad's friend, he's so relaxed, now that he's married off both his kids..."
It goes on and on and on. As if I have any objection to getting married. What if things go wrong? What if nobody likes me? What if I have become aged? Aged? Am I? I don't find myself old. Matured, yes. Seasoned well with the world's ways, yes. But old, no. I just don't want this dissection of my personal life by all and sundry. It tires me. I get frustrated.
Have you ever woken up with tired eyes, looked for something, groped in the darkness, and was unable to find it? Wished there was some light? I feel it is impossible for me to protect myself...from this pain. So I embrace it...
And I return to my own world...the world that makes me happy...me and my books. Have been reading up tesseract, and found out about this book called "A Wrinkle in Time". Wiki makes it sound interesting. So long as books are there, I won't be very lonely I guess.
No comments:
Post a Comment