Sunday, December 7, 2014

Lost in the crowd...

Interstellar, though incomprehensible, left a nice aftertaste. Probably the first movie I watched where the audience broke into a spontaneous applause at the end of the movie. May be most of them are বোকা বাঙালি - বিশেষ কিছু বোঝেনা, me included, but liked it all the same.

I had slept off after I returned home, had lunch and had an unwelcome argument with dad. I don't like the traditional avatar of my dad, where he undermines me as a human being, and thinks of me as one example of the female species. I marched to my room and just collapsed. When I woke up, it had grown dark. I don't like this particular phenomenon, so I don't tend to sleep during the daytime. It is fine by me, when I sleep late at night, and I wake up when the sun is shining bright. Not when light is pouring in through the curtains when I close my eyes, and I wake up in total darkness.

Yesterday I finally called Pamu's mom. I have been worrying about her. She hasn't responded to my messages in Facebook ever since September, when I had forgotten her birthday. Seeing her in the dream day before shook me up - I had to do something about it. Her mom said, she is fine, must be busy with work and family...she will tell her.

I felt a bit reckless like Bella Swan in New Moon. I was clumsy at times (bought a notebook to maintain day to day car and driver data, dropped it on the way, and while collecting it back, dropped my bag - thank God there were not many onlookers) and smart (watching a movie all by myself was smartness in itself...haven't watched any movie all alone except ইতি মৃনালিনী once upon a time in Bangalore, then I didn't buy a water bottle all for myself, and went out from time to time to get a sip of water so that I don't get dehydrated...and...I crossed the roads without the signal on - something I wouldn't have believed I am capable of) and suddenly amid all these, I remembered that dialogue from ZNMD - I haven't learned to repent. It's ok, it's just fine...I have means to sustain myself. I am proud of my apparent foolishness. At least when I meet God up there, He might mock me a bit, and imitate my various failures and we shall have a hearty laugh over that, but He won't be able to say, I don't help those who don't help themselves.

Going to read up Interstellar a bit. My dongle data pack dies today - I am uncomfortable recharging it online - Reliance is not as organized as Vodafone. So whatever I can do with the remaining 300 odd MBs by 12:00 midnight.

I was a child of 5 when I had gone to a circus with my cousin brothers. I was very surprised when I went there. I could hardly watch the circus going on. I was busy watching the crowd. Why is the place so crowded? How many people are there? Is the world so densely populated? Are there so many human beings? Is it required?

The questions were so deep seated in my mind that I still remember that time. I feel the same today. Wish the world was not so crowded.

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