Now what?

And now…I am really scared to write…দুষ্টুমি is good...pranks are good, but not when they backfire. 

And my hell bent stubbornness was by any means not good at all. It was as if I had to break the shell of this guy. Try as I might to act as if I don't know him, I do know how reserved he is. What have I gained by breaking his barrier and setting up a meeting. Beg, borrow, steal or kill, but just don't let him be evasive. Ok, so he stopped being evasive, he's agreed to meet me. Now what? Have I not invited someone to break my dreams in front of me, one more time?

There is no point denying this. I might like to live in my own bubble, but the rest of the world doesn't. Why had I to make such a fool of myself?

It was as if, I just couldn't let it get over, just yet. I was desperate. I must have sounded like that, pleading with him. Yet, trust me, I didn't plead. For the first time I have been myself, comfortably talked out my mind before someone. I was compelled to do that.

I don't know what happens now.  I don't even want to think. I was scared to read my previous entries today. Last week there was no trace of this...now a mountain seems to have sprung up from a molehill. Was I better off then or am I better off now? 

Tell you what, it is not easy for an Indian girl to behave like a westerner. I really don't know where from I gathered the courage. At least let me sleep happily tonight, with this sense of triumph :)

Ok we'll follow through with grief or happiness whatever chooses to come my way, for now - let us not speculate anymore.

My bossie's mantra is the key to everlasting serenity - Expectation...rakkho hi mat :)