Loneliness is the greatest destroyer on earth. It has powers more than a nuclear bomb. It makes you vulnerable. It makes you lose faith in yourself. It makes you bitter and you despise the surge of happiness that is sweeping the world...জগতের আনন্দযজ্ঞে আমার নিমন্ত্রণ - the world has invited me in its celebration of happiness - seems so meaningless then.
Just four more days, then back to the usual routine. If only I had some more friends here, I'd have been so happy to stay back. The comfort of life is immense. The lethargy does get you a bit fat, but you can always work out for that. And you get so much time for yourself. Forget about me, I am a hopeless case. But imagine how wonderful it must be to return to a loving family, not even in the evening but in late afternoon itself.
Once in a while I feel...let us enjoy the remaining days. Roam around, shop, drink hot chocolate and just love the sunshine. But then, loneliness brings such a fatigue, which is difficult to overcome. You feel unwanted all the time. I am not like this. I am this chirpy girl when I have company. Talk talk talk...during lunchtime and realize everyone else in the table has finished their lunch and glaring at you...and you still have a near full plate. You concentrate on eating and after a while, once again, involuntarily start talking. That is me. Not this lonely brooding girl, who feels so despicable that locks herself up indoor all weekend, to avoid the human eye.
There is one more thing I dislike about people here. They are too self centered. Some are polite no doubt, but even that seems a bit plastic. I especially have complaints against Interspar counter girls. They are rude to limit of hurting. Almost all the while they ignore greeting me because of my dark skin probably. If I'd be a bit lost in thought and ask for something after the bill is made, way they'd glare, it makes me feel as if I have done the greatest crime on earth. The people at office are good and nice, but they maintain their distance. Some are outright ignoring me, some talk once in a while. My client manager is very nice, almost a friend now (I even missed him - he is going on his vacation this weekend...for all I know I won't be seeing him ever again in person), but even he is a bit aloof at times. This is a strange place.
Well loneliness has one virtue, against my will even, it makes me listen to a lot of songs, watch a lot of movies, and indulge in art in general. So here is the next song, with a small background.
I suddenly discovered this link and was mesmerized by the guy's voice and singing style. In one word, it is lovely. That first, then the entire music arrangement. Finally seeped in the actual magic, the tune and lyrics. That at least is very much authentic Tagore stuff, though you are now allowed to experiment with that too. I heard the song at least 10 times over two days. I haven't heard this song much...may be dad has casually sung once or twice, and there was a bit of drama in গানের ওপারে over মাঝে মাঝে তব দেখা পাই - the usual Rituparno style. At that time I didn't imagine this song has so much in it. After a long long time some song has appealed to me to this extent.
Just four more days, then back to the usual routine. If only I had some more friends here, I'd have been so happy to stay back. The comfort of life is immense. The lethargy does get you a bit fat, but you can always work out for that. And you get so much time for yourself. Forget about me, I am a hopeless case. But imagine how wonderful it must be to return to a loving family, not even in the evening but in late afternoon itself.
Once in a while I feel...let us enjoy the remaining days. Roam around, shop, drink hot chocolate and just love the sunshine. But then, loneliness brings such a fatigue, which is difficult to overcome. You feel unwanted all the time. I am not like this. I am this chirpy girl when I have company. Talk talk talk...during lunchtime and realize everyone else in the table has finished their lunch and glaring at you...and you still have a near full plate. You concentrate on eating and after a while, once again, involuntarily start talking. That is me. Not this lonely brooding girl, who feels so despicable that locks herself up indoor all weekend, to avoid the human eye.
There is one more thing I dislike about people here. They are too self centered. Some are polite no doubt, but even that seems a bit plastic. I especially have complaints against Interspar counter girls. They are rude to limit of hurting. Almost all the while they ignore greeting me because of my dark skin probably. If I'd be a bit lost in thought and ask for something after the bill is made, way they'd glare, it makes me feel as if I have done the greatest crime on earth. The people at office are good and nice, but they maintain their distance. Some are outright ignoring me, some talk once in a while. My client manager is very nice, almost a friend now (I even missed him - he is going on his vacation this weekend...for all I know I won't be seeing him ever again in person), but even he is a bit aloof at times. This is a strange place.
Well loneliness has one virtue, against my will even, it makes me listen to a lot of songs, watch a lot of movies, and indulge in art in general. So here is the next song, with a small background.
I suddenly discovered this link and was mesmerized by the guy's voice and singing style. In one word, it is lovely. That first, then the entire music arrangement. Finally seeped in the actual magic, the tune and lyrics. That at least is very much authentic Tagore stuff, though you are now allowed to experiment with that too. I heard the song at least 10 times over two days. I haven't heard this song much...may be dad has casually sung once or twice, and there was a bit of drama in গানের ওপারে over মাঝে মাঝে তব দেখা পাই - the usual Rituparno style. At that time I didn't imagine this song has so much in it. After a long long time some song has appealed to me to this extent.
Here is the link and translation (I feel the translation is really feeble this time, but still didn't feel like keeping the magic to myself)
Why cloud comes on the sky of my heart…and doesn’t let me see you?
The cloud of attachment doesn’t let me see you…
The cloud of attachment doesn’t…
It blinds me…it doesn’t let me see you…
Why do I get to see you only at times? Why not all the while?
In the dim light, as I open my eyes, and behold you -
O I might lose…always I fear …O I might lose you all of a sudden
Before my desires fulfil I might lose
Before I can blink I might lose
Before my heart’s thirst is quenched I might lose you all of a sudden
Why do I get to see you only at times? Why not all the while?
O do tell me what do I do..to get you? To keep you in my eyes…
O where do I get so much love my lord? To keep you in heart..
What means do I have that I can...
If you can’t have mercy on me…who can?
If you don’t come yourself…who can keep you in heart?
Why do I get to see you only at times? Why not all the while?
O I won’t look at anyone else anymore – I will make this vow on my life.
O if you tell me, right now I shall give up all my urges for material pleasure.
Will put at your beautiful feet my urges..
Will not clinch a bit to give up my urges..
Will give up for your sake, all my urges for material pleasure.
Why do I get to see you only at times? Why not all the while?
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