Was planning to start learning something for a while now. And I decided to relearn java. When I was a java programmer, in 2003-2004, since then there has been so many terms introduced in java, that nowadays it looks unfamiliar. I don't know these spring, hibernate and struts thingies. But before learning those, I need to revise my core java a bit. So today, finally I started off. And I am not yet using an IDE, and was surprised to find that my handwritten java programs are compiling in one shot. And that I remember the basics pretty well, setting path and class path, the common methods used etc. etc. Anyways my OOP concepts were always quite strong. After Java, I will revise my SQL and PL SQL a bit.
I find it strange, way life acts like a see saw. Some days are always a little happier and more fruitful, than the other days which are dull and make you gloomy. Reminds me about Suman's এক একটা দিন, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3T0KSMo_pwY - I often feel that Suman's songs were the best things that happened in my childhood.Today, as জাতিস্মর played with the closing titles of the জাতিস্মর movie, and I sang along - it was almost as if relived my childhood. Job, or no job man, my life in Kolkata has a certain freshness mingled with reminiscence, which makes it far more livable. And then, frankly speaking, I am extremely disillusioned. Who are these idiots that are actually working, whereas I don't have a job? If you, or for that matter, any rational person with a minimum common sense had to speak with the bunch of idiots at naukri.com, the reason for my frustration would be apparent. They don't understand the service they have promised me, let alone working on it. And they take money upfront - if not cheating, then what can this be termed as? At times in exasperation, I feel like giving it up, it is just a matter of 6K odd bucks. But then, giving up without doing all that was in my power to do, is something that I can't reconcile with. You see, I have to fight it out, tooth and nail, till there is death or oblivion. So I keep hoping. Some day, somebody comes back with some promise of a job, but nothing finally works out. It has now been 4 months that I am sitting idle. Every day, every moment, I feel the pangs, the ache. When I gave it away, my precious career, it was to save my life. But then, what I didn't realize was, how much this has become a part of my life. Much like the dialogue in মহানগর movie, I wonder why this big a city doesn't have a job to offer me.
I have learnt so many truths over this time. E.g. people who can help in your time of need, never come forward. People who have very limited means, try to reach out just because they care. Your calculations often go wrong. Your confidence is taken for a ride, after working successfully for 10 years, you find that the job market is so full of bribery and middle men. All this, only because I wanted to change the location of my job, I wanted to live with my parents. At times I am so tired of this constant struggle, I don't even feel like waking up in the morning. The entire world is struggling to survive, and I am just whiling away my time. No, I don't want retirement right now. I am a very lonely person. Being without work is like cancer to me. It is eating away my insides.
At times I do feel like preparing for GMAT. To challenge myself once, to find out if I can get enrolled in one of the best universities in the world, and pursue my preferred stream, which I guess is management. Well, I was never good at a lot of things, so that I'd have any confusion about what is my favorite subject. Bengali and Computer Science stood out head and shoulders above the rest. But then, why management? Because throughout my career, I have realized, people management is the crux of it all. There is nothing more awe inspiring than the human mind, whereas psychology provides an insight to it, management lets you push it to its limits. But given all these facts, I am right now too weak to take a bold decision. So like a poor praying soul, all I keep asking God is some means of redeeming my career. No, I am still not that desperate that I can risk going away all alone in some alien city just for a the sake of it. Why not in Kolkata, I ask myself. I keep faith. But I do not get any positive answer to my prayers.
I find it strange, way life acts like a see saw. Some days are always a little happier and more fruitful, than the other days which are dull and make you gloomy. Reminds me about Suman's এক একটা দিন, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3T0KSMo_pwY - I often feel that Suman's songs were the best things that happened in my childhood.Today, as জাতিস্মর played with the closing titles of the জাতিস্মর movie, and I sang along - it was almost as if relived my childhood. Job, or no job man, my life in Kolkata has a certain freshness mingled with reminiscence, which makes it far more livable. And then, frankly speaking, I am extremely disillusioned. Who are these idiots that are actually working, whereas I don't have a job? If you, or for that matter, any rational person with a minimum common sense had to speak with the bunch of idiots at naukri.com, the reason for my frustration would be apparent. They don't understand the service they have promised me, let alone working on it. And they take money upfront - if not cheating, then what can this be termed as? At times in exasperation, I feel like giving it up, it is just a matter of 6K odd bucks. But then, giving up without doing all that was in my power to do, is something that I can't reconcile with. You see, I have to fight it out, tooth and nail, till there is death or oblivion. So I keep hoping. Some day, somebody comes back with some promise of a job, but nothing finally works out. It has now been 4 months that I am sitting idle. Every day, every moment, I feel the pangs, the ache. When I gave it away, my precious career, it was to save my life. But then, what I didn't realize was, how much this has become a part of my life. Much like the dialogue in মহানগর movie, I wonder why this big a city doesn't have a job to offer me.
I have learnt so many truths over this time. E.g. people who can help in your time of need, never come forward. People who have very limited means, try to reach out just because they care. Your calculations often go wrong. Your confidence is taken for a ride, after working successfully for 10 years, you find that the job market is so full of bribery and middle men. All this, only because I wanted to change the location of my job, I wanted to live with my parents. At times I am so tired of this constant struggle, I don't even feel like waking up in the morning. The entire world is struggling to survive, and I am just whiling away my time. No, I don't want retirement right now. I am a very lonely person. Being without work is like cancer to me. It is eating away my insides.
At times I do feel like preparing for GMAT. To challenge myself once, to find out if I can get enrolled in one of the best universities in the world, and pursue my preferred stream, which I guess is management. Well, I was never good at a lot of things, so that I'd have any confusion about what is my favorite subject. Bengali and Computer Science stood out head and shoulders above the rest. But then, why management? Because throughout my career, I have realized, people management is the crux of it all. There is nothing more awe inspiring than the human mind, whereas psychology provides an insight to it, management lets you push it to its limits. But given all these facts, I am right now too weak to take a bold decision. So like a poor praying soul, all I keep asking God is some means of redeeming my career. No, I am still not that desperate that I can risk going away all alone in some alien city just for a the sake of it. Why not in Kolkata, I ask myself. I keep faith. But I do not get any positive answer to my prayers.
2 comments:
I dont know who you are.. but i spent last two days reading your blogs.. Rabindranath er Gaaner o[are google e search korte giye tomar blog ta pelum.. jata pori tata mone hoche as if keo amar bhetorer kotha gulo bolche... as if someone is telling what i have had actually felt when had fallen in love.. when i have got heart brocken.. ami nije khub ekta bhalo likhina.. emotionally ourburst kori khub jadio onek kichu likhe.. but it is very momentaty.. jai hok.. i loved reading your blogs... it made me felt like i have found someone who knows exactly what i have felt in past... i m glad that i found you.. or your blog :)
Thanks dear, most encouraging to know that you liked my entries - I thought they are boring and so full of gloom - but frankly I like to write, my blog is the place where I vent out my emotions, and so your appreciation means a lot :-)
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