Well, life suddenly took a turn for better since the time I wrote here last. 27th was full of fun as I went out to visit my old school friend, Pamela. 28th of course was Ananya's daughter's birthday, and I was invited. Had a sumptuous lunch at Mainland China (for that matter, hadn't had such exorbitant lunches for 3 months now, last one was the party I had given to my colleagues at Barbecue Nation). But both the days were not memorable because of such trivial things like good food. The plain sheer joy of going back in a time machine to those flawless days, where nothing mattered much and we could laugh like crazy, gave me a rush of life that I so badly needed (you must have noticed that I was in really bad shape during my last entry).
Life is not...so as to say, idyllic even now. But reunion with my old friends was absolutely God sent. At least it helped in healing the pain that another failed attempt at arranged marriage had caused me. I was really really upset with that one - for you see, even I am a normal young girl (by the way not so young - I am again not getting my periods, and I am almost afraid that I am going to have menopause at 34) - even I look for a respite at times, and I am not yet particularly abhorrent to dreaming. What to do with menfolk who learn after meeting me for the first time that I am not meant for them, and do not even dare to look back. I often sit and think, what is my husband gentleman doing right now. Surely it is high time he acts (or else I might not be in a position to bear him a child).
Jokes apart, I have thoroughly given up on job search. The naukri.com paid services that I had taken turn out to be absolutely useless. They have created a CV which I am correcting all the time and sending back to them - and they cannot even act on my instructions. But man, do I groan at the very thought of going back to Bangalore? I absolutely, without a discretion, quintessentially loathe that city. I don't need a job man, just to earn money, please let's not return to that hellhole. I guess my allergy is mainly with South Indians. Certainly I don't hate Biharis because of Anand, frankly I quite like them - then why this discrimination with Karthik's fellow people. Because I firmly believe that no other race can give birth to an absolutely disgraceful and crooked person like Karthik. Yes, after all these days, I am finally able to hate him. Hate him as I should have - on the very first day he did wrong to me and his mask became obvious to me. I hate everything associated with him and around him, and I hate the very soil that gave shape to the narrowest mind like his. Frankly, I have very good South Indian friends, in fact Bindhu is like a daughter to me, but still, there is something in that soil that makes you a selfish, frog-in-the-well being. And ya, ya, ya...I get mighty happy these days when the frog suffers (you know, the lady frog who hasn't yet been able to get hold of her gentleman frog - alas the tadpole has to suffer because it belongs to a good for nothing mom). Yes, by now you must be quite sure that I am out of my mind - but I am happy when selfish people get what they deserve. Ha ha ha, now, just to prove that I am still sane enough, here comes the disclaimer (much similar to the one I had written out to dentists) - dear southies, among whom so many are my such good friends, even you guys would agree that there are these obnoxious human beings whom your soil has been nurturing, and who have driven me so much to the brink that I write mindless things about ye all. Please excuse this crime with all your goodness of heart.
I am happy with this jobless state, you know. I am becoming more fearless by the day. I know I won't starve to death. Rest of the bitter truths of life - also, I have pondered over and accepted. As of now, right now, giving me grief might be easy, but breaking my heart more than it is already broken looks impossible. The greatest, and most wonderful thing I have got in the past few months is my ability to appreciate whatever good of the minutest dimension that happens in my life. I was very contended with my new year celebrations. The joy of having a caring and supportive family around you is unparalleled. We had good food on both the days (31st and 1st) and spent a very quality time together.
2013 was horrid man, plain and simple horrid. Nothing worth mentioning with even the wee small bit of gratitude happened during the year. It absolutely destroyed whatever little of myself I was managing to save from the clutches of evil that was gradually taking a toll on me through all these years since I left home. But now it almost feels like a rebirth. I am extremely happy, I feel light with joy. The only pain is that of losing my career, trust me, I was good at it. But then, as I said, this is an informed choice. I am not going to embrace misery again. And I sincerely hope that 2014 is going to be better. If not better, will it at least take away the lifeless look from my eyes?
Life is not...so as to say, idyllic even now. But reunion with my old friends was absolutely God sent. At least it helped in healing the pain that another failed attempt at arranged marriage had caused me. I was really really upset with that one - for you see, even I am a normal young girl (by the way not so young - I am again not getting my periods, and I am almost afraid that I am going to have menopause at 34) - even I look for a respite at times, and I am not yet particularly abhorrent to dreaming. What to do with menfolk who learn after meeting me for the first time that I am not meant for them, and do not even dare to look back. I often sit and think, what is my husband gentleman doing right now. Surely it is high time he acts (or else I might not be in a position to bear him a child).
Jokes apart, I have thoroughly given up on job search. The naukri.com paid services that I had taken turn out to be absolutely useless. They have created a CV which I am correcting all the time and sending back to them - and they cannot even act on my instructions. But man, do I groan at the very thought of going back to Bangalore? I absolutely, without a discretion, quintessentially loathe that city. I don't need a job man, just to earn money, please let's not return to that hellhole. I guess my allergy is mainly with South Indians. Certainly I don't hate Biharis because of Anand, frankly I quite like them - then why this discrimination with Karthik's fellow people. Because I firmly believe that no other race can give birth to an absolutely disgraceful and crooked person like Karthik. Yes, after all these days, I am finally able to hate him. Hate him as I should have - on the very first day he did wrong to me and his mask became obvious to me. I hate everything associated with him and around him, and I hate the very soil that gave shape to the narrowest mind like his. Frankly, I have very good South Indian friends, in fact Bindhu is like a daughter to me, but still, there is something in that soil that makes you a selfish, frog-in-the-well being. And ya, ya, ya...I get mighty happy these days when the frog suffers (you know, the lady frog who hasn't yet been able to get hold of her gentleman frog - alas the tadpole has to suffer because it belongs to a good for nothing mom). Yes, by now you must be quite sure that I am out of my mind - but I am happy when selfish people get what they deserve. Ha ha ha, now, just to prove that I am still sane enough, here comes the disclaimer (much similar to the one I had written out to dentists) - dear southies, among whom so many are my such good friends, even you guys would agree that there are these obnoxious human beings whom your soil has been nurturing, and who have driven me so much to the brink that I write mindless things about ye all. Please excuse this crime with all your goodness of heart.
I am happy with this jobless state, you know. I am becoming more fearless by the day. I know I won't starve to death. Rest of the bitter truths of life - also, I have pondered over and accepted. As of now, right now, giving me grief might be easy, but breaking my heart more than it is already broken looks impossible. The greatest, and most wonderful thing I have got in the past few months is my ability to appreciate whatever good of the minutest dimension that happens in my life. I was very contended with my new year celebrations. The joy of having a caring and supportive family around you is unparalleled. We had good food on both the days (31st and 1st) and spent a very quality time together.
2013 was horrid man, plain and simple horrid. Nothing worth mentioning with even the wee small bit of gratitude happened during the year. It absolutely destroyed whatever little of myself I was managing to save from the clutches of evil that was gradually taking a toll on me through all these years since I left home. But now it almost feels like a rebirth. I am extremely happy, I feel light with joy. The only pain is that of losing my career, trust me, I was good at it. But then, as I said, this is an informed choice. I am not going to embrace misery again. And I sincerely hope that 2014 is going to be better. If not better, will it at least take away the lifeless look from my eyes?
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