It is not appearing in an interview that I am scared about. It is the aftermath. The bitter taste of failure. Firstly interview calls are so rare here, that I am almost convinced about taking up any run of the mill job. That I am an IT person seems like a past dream. Over that, despite giving my best, the offer doesn't materialize. Mind you, all these I am judging on the basis of the single interview I have had here, so far. If you will believe me, I reached the place around 11:40 AM or so and left it around 4:30 PM. There were rounds of interviews including HR, CTO and CEO. The CTO part didn't go too well, me not being a technical person and all. But the CEO guy liked me. He only gave me the project SOW and asked me to work out a basic design, which I did. I explained my situation as best as I could. But still, it has been 2 weeks since the interview and no intimation.
Now, there is this call for walk in drive from this famous MNC. As is the case with MNCs they have lots of "Nakhra-s". As in get some 20 odd documents and proofs and xerox copies. Like, the first boyfriend from the first MNC I worked for, used to say, "Phalana, Dhimkana". But then what to do. A job is absolutely necessary. I am going mad. Being the self styled psychologist that I am, I can see very grave indications in myself. Lack of self grooming, self torture, frequent mood swings, oversleeping, a permanent sense of fatigue and the recurring thought of "what is left in this life" are not good signs. But first I was hesitant in going for the interview. The previous two occasions of rejection was not handled well by me (this job interview that I had on the 8th and the marriage proposal on 21st of last month). Bigger problem is that they don't reject in an outright way. They don't just communicate, and when you are in as much soup as I am, you, knowing very well, that the silence means they are not interested, can't but stop hoping for a different angle.
Finally I could coax myself in appearing for the interview. I don't know what will happen. The job is about service management and ITIL and I am not a service person. I am a product person. All I have as experience is couple of ITIL based proposals I had written in my previous organization.
And then there is Facebook. Why it is out there to torture me thus, I can't say. Everyone is so eager to show off their picture perfect life. But then, that's not what bothers me. God's sense of injustice bothers me. He ruined my life, and is having a second honeymoon, and for me nothing is working out. I am still unsure, but I guess, yesterday I saw myself shooting the "daantwaali" in my dream. My brother does say, শকুনের শাপে গরু মরেনা -to translate, the cow is not killed by the curse of the vulture, but then, after so many days, the pinch of hatred is still there. I am still not indifferent to their existence. I never faced this with Anand, he was careful enough to go away completely from my life, at least this request of mine he had kept. Had Deepti not researched in linkedin about his current job and all and told me in turn, I wouldn't even have known that he exists.
Deepti and Meenu, two friends who came back in my time of need. And then Ananya, who was always there. Then there's Bee and the other girl, my student from the engineering college where I taught, who never seem to lose faith in me. There are couple of kids from my previous organization who still keep in touch. That's all God has cared to give me. I don't complain or ask for more. But I really need a job. It won't just be a job, it will be a life saver, if only it comes in time. Trust me, it is a question of life and death now. I can't live without work.
Now, there is this call for walk in drive from this famous MNC. As is the case with MNCs they have lots of "Nakhra-s". As in get some 20 odd documents and proofs and xerox copies. Like, the first boyfriend from the first MNC I worked for, used to say, "Phalana, Dhimkana". But then what to do. A job is absolutely necessary. I am going mad. Being the self styled psychologist that I am, I can see very grave indications in myself. Lack of self grooming, self torture, frequent mood swings, oversleeping, a permanent sense of fatigue and the recurring thought of "what is left in this life" are not good signs. But first I was hesitant in going for the interview. The previous two occasions of rejection was not handled well by me (this job interview that I had on the 8th and the marriage proposal on 21st of last month). Bigger problem is that they don't reject in an outright way. They don't just communicate, and when you are in as much soup as I am, you, knowing very well, that the silence means they are not interested, can't but stop hoping for a different angle.
Finally I could coax myself in appearing for the interview. I don't know what will happen. The job is about service management and ITIL and I am not a service person. I am a product person. All I have as experience is couple of ITIL based proposals I had written in my previous organization.
And then there is Facebook. Why it is out there to torture me thus, I can't say. Everyone is so eager to show off their picture perfect life. But then, that's not what bothers me. God's sense of injustice bothers me. He ruined my life, and is having a second honeymoon, and for me nothing is working out. I am still unsure, but I guess, yesterday I saw myself shooting the "daantwaali" in my dream. My brother does say, শকুনের শাপে গরু মরেনা -to translate, the cow is not killed by the curse of the vulture, but then, after so many days, the pinch of hatred is still there. I am still not indifferent to their existence. I never faced this with Anand, he was careful enough to go away completely from my life, at least this request of mine he had kept. Had Deepti not researched in linkedin about his current job and all and told me in turn, I wouldn't even have known that he exists.
Deepti and Meenu, two friends who came back in my time of need. And then Ananya, who was always there. Then there's Bee and the other girl, my student from the engineering college where I taught, who never seem to lose faith in me. There are couple of kids from my previous organization who still keep in touch. That's all God has cared to give me. I don't complain or ask for more. But I really need a job. It won't just be a job, it will be a life saver, if only it comes in time. Trust me, it is a question of life and death now. I can't live without work.
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