Oh it's been a long tiring week (you remember KANK? way the character of Preity Zinta used to come back home and complain, oh it's been a long tiring day :D)...
Last couple of weeks have been so so tiring...last weekend I did little more than sleeping like a log. But then, I sleep in the day time. Nights are for me to read, write and contemplate. So, even though I am like, almost dozing off, my fingers are furiously typing away...to shed off the weight (not literal but virtual - i.e. not on the body but on the mind) that I have gained in this time frame.
The state is, as the acronym suggests, Total Nonsense or Total Namuna. So, there was this girl, ok. She married a guy from a lower caste (most westerners might not even be familiar with the term caste). And the girl's dad committed suicide out of shame (or God knows what other sentiments). And then his (the dad's) caste mates (don't really know if this terminology exists - just rhymed with classmates) torched couple of lower caste villages and it became major news. This happened during Boo's engagement time I guess - as I quite remember muttering to myself, crazy lot, crazy lot...reading the newspapers. And then the girl, she gets haunted by the incidents and decides to return to her mother (though she says she didn't face any discomfort in her in law's place and nobody blamed her for the torching and all). To top it all, days after she leaves for home, the guy she married, gets murdered. Today as I walked back home, I was telling myself, thank God, He saved me from getting married into this place. And although I am sure my dad would never ever have taken his life on the question of my marriage, and would wholeheartedly accept any decision I take, I am not so sure about Boo's safety had he chosen to marry me. His crappy family would have surely killed him - thank God for saving my Boo's life. Now let him rot with "the girl who has long teeth". And I really pity his transformation. His dressing sense used to be excellent, what has happened to that...why does he wear shirts made of lungi material? Oh...I forgot once again, the state he comes from - it is but obvious to make such selections...
Ok so, time for next venomous attack. Disclaimer - don't be shocked, if I could talk about Boo the way I did, I can talk like this about anyone. But yes, I feel a tad bit sad - you know I really try to love people, just that people can't live up to my love.
So, she, doesn't have any idea how choked I get in her company. She chokes me with her whims, her insecurities and constant complaining nature. And what tremendous autocracy man...she has to have her way - people she feels are good have to be good, and people she feels bad have to be bad. Nobody can question that. But then I have become neutral about her personal life. This week, I decided I won't let myself be bothered by it, and quite enjoyed the zombie stand - I kept talking utter rubbish without caring a heck about what I am talking about - and was quite enjoying the camouflage, cause in my mind, I had stopped getting involved. She lost all my love and gratitude, because of her uncaring nature. A woman who is born to nourish and nurture the society just doesn't deserve to be so selfish. But then God is so so terribly one sided. She would keep demanding, and her demands would keep getting met. I ask humbly and I am turned down. She is so conceited that she happily, openly, in my very presence says I haven't suffered enough to understand her suffering (and she is the same person whom I have told about each and every of my suffering). So, she can look down upon anybody and everybody, but nobody should dare to take a similar stand with her. Problem with me is, I can't stand anything unfair. And given my sleuthing tendencies, and presence of mind, and accounting abilities, facts present themselves very easily to me. And fact remains that she is not at all good at her work - she has no planning and managerial abilities - still she is better appraised and at a better position than me - yes she is strong technically - or may be I just get impressed by the jargon she talks because I don't understand all of it...apart from that...I find her credibility to be a big big zero...and then where is the professionalism? Who comes to office to settle personal matters? Still, fact remains that she gets 33% or may be even a bit more than my salary (surprisingly - I knew this fact from few months, as she had let out her PF amount once and I had back calculated - but didn't want to believe it for a fact until I got confirmation yesterday from a chance remark made by her husband). Then, I hate the fact that she conveniently forgets money matters from which she stands to benefit...in my calculation if fair accounting was done, she needs to pay me around 7K INR (another 3.5K to come, if I actually give her the loan she's asked for), but then as I said, her convenience matters, my calculation doesn't. All these things choke me - and I wanna give up my career...all my life I have fought unfairness. It doesn't matter who's the victim...I have to and need to take my stand...oh why...oh why doesn't October come sooner. I used to be so fond of her thinking she is caring and kindhearted, but then...she cares only for people when she gets back the care in kind. Else she'll be the biggest bitch around. I DO NOT like such a person...I wish I could tell that at her face, so that she'd stop talking to me and I'd be freed of her friendship and can stop acting (I hate acting you know...but I'm so good at acting, like I'm good at everything else). Frankly speaking, I don't like the fact that being so so mean, she has everything in life, parents, kid, job, money and I have nothing. But thank God for making me the way I am. She keeps telling me to discuss things face to face...but when I try, she has never cared to listen or digest. She doesn't have the guts to do that. So, I have little option than to take out the truth openly...I being the non judgmental person I am trying to become, I do appreciate the goodness she has, but if one has to weigh, she's indeed more crappy than good, the way the world finds her to be. Funny thing is, you should learn to be in your own utopia from this lady, 90% of the worlds' opinion doesn't matter to her, she thinks she's someone great. She reads this or not doesn't matter, I know she's totally non receptive and won't change her ways.
Frankly speaking I don't care for friends. I am happy in my world - I am so happy learning new things - was delighted to have written and deployed my first servlet. I am sure I shall survive in this unfair world, I have the strength, but then....one wants some respite once in a while. Hail weekend, give me a break...I hate my office and the people there...
Last couple of weeks have been so so tiring...last weekend I did little more than sleeping like a log. But then, I sleep in the day time. Nights are for me to read, write and contemplate. So, even though I am like, almost dozing off, my fingers are furiously typing away...to shed off the weight (not literal but virtual - i.e. not on the body but on the mind) that I have gained in this time frame.
The state is, as the acronym suggests, Total Nonsense or Total Namuna. So, there was this girl, ok. She married a guy from a lower caste (most westerners might not even be familiar with the term caste). And the girl's dad committed suicide out of shame (or God knows what other sentiments). And then his (the dad's) caste mates (don't really know if this terminology exists - just rhymed with classmates) torched couple of lower caste villages and it became major news. This happened during Boo's engagement time I guess - as I quite remember muttering to myself, crazy lot, crazy lot...reading the newspapers. And then the girl, she gets haunted by the incidents and decides to return to her mother (though she says she didn't face any discomfort in her in law's place and nobody blamed her for the torching and all). To top it all, days after she leaves for home, the guy she married, gets murdered. Today as I walked back home, I was telling myself, thank God, He saved me from getting married into this place. And although I am sure my dad would never ever have taken his life on the question of my marriage, and would wholeheartedly accept any decision I take, I am not so sure about Boo's safety had he chosen to marry me. His crappy family would have surely killed him - thank God for saving my Boo's life. Now let him rot with "the girl who has long teeth". And I really pity his transformation. His dressing sense used to be excellent, what has happened to that...why does he wear shirts made of lungi material? Oh...I forgot once again, the state he comes from - it is but obvious to make such selections...
Ok so, time for next venomous attack. Disclaimer - don't be shocked, if I could talk about Boo the way I did, I can talk like this about anyone. But yes, I feel a tad bit sad - you know I really try to love people, just that people can't live up to my love.
So, she, doesn't have any idea how choked I get in her company. She chokes me with her whims, her insecurities and constant complaining nature. And what tremendous autocracy man...she has to have her way - people she feels are good have to be good, and people she feels bad have to be bad. Nobody can question that. But then I have become neutral about her personal life. This week, I decided I won't let myself be bothered by it, and quite enjoyed the zombie stand - I kept talking utter rubbish without caring a heck about what I am talking about - and was quite enjoying the camouflage, cause in my mind, I had stopped getting involved. She lost all my love and gratitude, because of her uncaring nature. A woman who is born to nourish and nurture the society just doesn't deserve to be so selfish. But then God is so so terribly one sided. She would keep demanding, and her demands would keep getting met. I ask humbly and I am turned down. She is so conceited that she happily, openly, in my very presence says I haven't suffered enough to understand her suffering (and she is the same person whom I have told about each and every of my suffering). So, she can look down upon anybody and everybody, but nobody should dare to take a similar stand with her. Problem with me is, I can't stand anything unfair. And given my sleuthing tendencies, and presence of mind, and accounting abilities, facts present themselves very easily to me. And fact remains that she is not at all good at her work - she has no planning and managerial abilities - still she is better appraised and at a better position than me - yes she is strong technically - or may be I just get impressed by the jargon she talks because I don't understand all of it...apart from that...I find her credibility to be a big big zero...and then where is the professionalism? Who comes to office to settle personal matters? Still, fact remains that she gets 33% or may be even a bit more than my salary (surprisingly - I knew this fact from few months, as she had let out her PF amount once and I had back calculated - but didn't want to believe it for a fact until I got confirmation yesterday from a chance remark made by her husband). Then, I hate the fact that she conveniently forgets money matters from which she stands to benefit...in my calculation if fair accounting was done, she needs to pay me around 7K INR (another 3.5K to come, if I actually give her the loan she's asked for), but then as I said, her convenience matters, my calculation doesn't. All these things choke me - and I wanna give up my career...all my life I have fought unfairness. It doesn't matter who's the victim...I have to and need to take my stand...oh why...oh why doesn't October come sooner. I used to be so fond of her thinking she is caring and kindhearted, but then...she cares only for people when she gets back the care in kind. Else she'll be the biggest bitch around. I DO NOT like such a person...I wish I could tell that at her face, so that she'd stop talking to me and I'd be freed of her friendship and can stop acting (I hate acting you know...but I'm so good at acting, like I'm good at everything else). Frankly speaking, I don't like the fact that being so so mean, she has everything in life, parents, kid, job, money and I have nothing. But thank God for making me the way I am. She keeps telling me to discuss things face to face...but when I try, she has never cared to listen or digest. She doesn't have the guts to do that. So, I have little option than to take out the truth openly...I being the non judgmental person I am trying to become, I do appreciate the goodness she has, but if one has to weigh, she's indeed more crappy than good, the way the world finds her to be. Funny thing is, you should learn to be in your own utopia from this lady, 90% of the worlds' opinion doesn't matter to her, she thinks she's someone great. She reads this or not doesn't matter, I know she's totally non receptive and won't change her ways.
Frankly speaking I don't care for friends. I am happy in my world - I am so happy learning new things - was delighted to have written and deployed my first servlet. I am sure I shall survive in this unfair world, I have the strength, but then....one wants some respite once in a while. Hail weekend, give me a break...I hate my office and the people there...
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