I am a crazy girl, no really...don't laugh. I am. I call myself crazy because I do things no one else of my age would be able to do. I sleep in the day time, and remain awake at nights. I watch movies, serials (Adaalat in Sony TV is my favorite), read, write and do a full time job also. I eat a lot, in different restaurants, and I eat all kinds of cuisine. I do not cook and I am never forced to cook, but then when I cook, the food always turns out to be amazing. Ya, I do lack a bit in traveling around, but courtesy my job, I have traveled more in India and around the world than I'd expect to do with my limited means.
Look at my friends. They are not having free time as I do...they have to look after their husbands, kids, and family members in general. They would be much more held up with this problem and that, because, considering I have very little responsibilities and very less number of people in my life - the amount of problems that I face everyday, I even shudder to think of the issues that might be coming up in their everyday lives. And then comes the depression. Oh, my husband doesn't care for me is the biggest one I hear. Then, my kid doesn't eat properly, or is turning out to be a really pampered child (who pampered? you did...I feel like telling, but somehow manage to keep quiet). There are other things. Husbands cheating on wives, wives cheating on husbands, and then I have also heard stories about - I broke up with my lover (the one who was being there along with the spouse), so I am depressed. And then I silently observe people and their bloated egos. I love money - I can admit it very simply and I have done it in my blog and with my friends a thousand times. I love money but I am not attached to it...I just keep track of my expenditure. But frankly, I have seen people who are every bit concerned about money, and won't be brave enough to admit it. And at the same time, keep complaining about problems related to financials. Fact of the matter is, people lack transparency in their own mind.
I have been reading this book called A Touch of Greatness. So, I particularly liked what Mother Teresa said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them". I see the drama going around me, people being unhappy for no apparent reason or for reasons they only have created. I thank God a thousand times for giving me enough logical sense, so as not to fall prey to such "self inflicted penance" in this one small life. Perhaps once upon a time, even I used to get victimized by petty things, but not anymore. These days, when I feel sad, it is always a temporary affair. I vent out in my blog, have a long chat with mom and there goes the choking feeling. I become neutral and refreshed again. This time, I got a little more involved than usual. So I suffered a little more. But then, I was to be blamed as, I didn't put the brake at the right time. As always, I thought I can make good things happen. As always, I wanted to return the love I had received and was kicked in the belly and told that I am not wanted, and not required. My friendships don't last - it is something that is clearly written in my destiny. Well...only reinforces my idea of taking refuge and going back to my parents - I don't understand this selfish world and the world doesn't understand the selflessness in me. It is as simple as that. Thank God, I don't have a life like others. Thank God I have my liberty. Thank God I am not chained.
The last couple of weeks have exhausted me. I haven't slept properly, haven't been eating properly, not even drinking water properly. I'd always ensure that I drink at least 2 litres of water everyday, and hardly I was drinking a glass or two. And occasionally I'd question myself, why am I doing this? I'd be so tired once I'd return home, I'd forget my beauty routines, my story books, everything. Last week I applied a hurried coat of brown nail paint on the already existing blue one, just to keep in accordance to my custom of changing nail polish color every week. This week, trust me, I don't even feel like doing that. Last week was a rare time when I didn't even shampoo my hair in the middle of the week. That is the cost I pay to survive another 3 months in this hellhole. It is a grueling task, I have to simply forget about my well being to stay here. First there is that monster, as if that was not enough, now there is this other failed friendship of mine. I really look forward to getting rid of this place, and yes Bangalore as a whole. Kolkata might have crazy politicos and a scary social condition, and no job and no money, but it has my parents, my home sweet home and nobody to blame me for my good intentions. Ha ha, marriage counselling is not my cup of tea - I'm one poor unmarried girl of 33 after all...what do I understand of human relationships? Human relationships are all about falsehood and pretensions, I am one brutally honest person who calls a spade a spade.
Look at my friends. They are not having free time as I do...they have to look after their husbands, kids, and family members in general. They would be much more held up with this problem and that, because, considering I have very little responsibilities and very less number of people in my life - the amount of problems that I face everyday, I even shudder to think of the issues that might be coming up in their everyday lives. And then comes the depression. Oh, my husband doesn't care for me is the biggest one I hear. Then, my kid doesn't eat properly, or is turning out to be a really pampered child (who pampered? you did...I feel like telling, but somehow manage to keep quiet). There are other things. Husbands cheating on wives, wives cheating on husbands, and then I have also heard stories about - I broke up with my lover (the one who was being there along with the spouse), so I am depressed. And then I silently observe people and their bloated egos. I love money - I can admit it very simply and I have done it in my blog and with my friends a thousand times. I love money but I am not attached to it...I just keep track of my expenditure. But frankly, I have seen people who are every bit concerned about money, and won't be brave enough to admit it. And at the same time, keep complaining about problems related to financials. Fact of the matter is, people lack transparency in their own mind.
I have been reading this book called A Touch of Greatness. So, I particularly liked what Mother Teresa said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them". I see the drama going around me, people being unhappy for no apparent reason or for reasons they only have created. I thank God a thousand times for giving me enough logical sense, so as not to fall prey to such "self inflicted penance" in this one small life. Perhaps once upon a time, even I used to get victimized by petty things, but not anymore. These days, when I feel sad, it is always a temporary affair. I vent out in my blog, have a long chat with mom and there goes the choking feeling. I become neutral and refreshed again. This time, I got a little more involved than usual. So I suffered a little more. But then, I was to be blamed as, I didn't put the brake at the right time. As always, I thought I can make good things happen. As always, I wanted to return the love I had received and was kicked in the belly and told that I am not wanted, and not required. My friendships don't last - it is something that is clearly written in my destiny. Well...only reinforces my idea of taking refuge and going back to my parents - I don't understand this selfish world and the world doesn't understand the selflessness in me. It is as simple as that. Thank God, I don't have a life like others. Thank God I have my liberty. Thank God I am not chained.
The last couple of weeks have exhausted me. I haven't slept properly, haven't been eating properly, not even drinking water properly. I'd always ensure that I drink at least 2 litres of water everyday, and hardly I was drinking a glass or two. And occasionally I'd question myself, why am I doing this? I'd be so tired once I'd return home, I'd forget my beauty routines, my story books, everything. Last week I applied a hurried coat of brown nail paint on the already existing blue one, just to keep in accordance to my custom of changing nail polish color every week. This week, trust me, I don't even feel like doing that. Last week was a rare time when I didn't even shampoo my hair in the middle of the week. That is the cost I pay to survive another 3 months in this hellhole. It is a grueling task, I have to simply forget about my well being to stay here. First there is that monster, as if that was not enough, now there is this other failed friendship of mine. I really look forward to getting rid of this place, and yes Bangalore as a whole. Kolkata might have crazy politicos and a scary social condition, and no job and no money, but it has my parents, my home sweet home and nobody to blame me for my good intentions. Ha ha, marriage counselling is not my cup of tea - I'm one poor unmarried girl of 33 after all...what do I understand of human relationships? Human relationships are all about falsehood and pretensions, I am one brutally honest person who calls a spade a spade.
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