The biggest thing I fail to understand is why I love him so much. Let alone so much, why do I love him at all after what he has done to me?
Me and M, happy with our drive in at McDs (which also got us some free drive in coupon which we dint even open and see to know in details about the freebies we are entitled to, but simply got happy), came back sporting our packets of McSpicy paneer meal and entered a seemingly empty 3rd floor pantry, only to discover him sitting at the last table near the window with one of his favorite Tam PMs. They were in some local language discussions when the other guy got a call and our gentleman just chose to keep sitting there, with the worst possible frown on his face. No, he didn't look at me, and no he made no attempts to leave. It was we who finished the lunch and left finally...he stayed back and just waited for the other guy's various calls to get over. Oh that frown, how it kept bothering me. How long will she continue to be in front of my eyes and keep troubling me, is all that the frown said, or may be, why doesn't she simply die?
It rained a lot last evening, a sudden rain that gave me a chance to meet Cucu for a while. The child can spread so much joy, it is absolutely unimaginable. I was in a strange mood, I chose not to wear the woolen scarf I always carry to protect myself from catching cold, while I was returning home in the auto. What with getting wet in the rain, the car AC and the auto ride afterwards, I woke up at 4 o'clock in the morning sneezing vigorously. Since then my ailments keep branching in several other directions as well, body pain, sore throat and what not. And I have not been near him even for once. He has that stupid cold of his that bothers him so much. Didn't come to office on Thursday, Friday he comes decked up in a full sleeve sweater. For once like magic I returned to my 1 year old self, and whispered to M, should I give him a kissy? He'd be alright then...and then in my horror I discovered, shit, shit man shit, I can't talk like this about somebody else's husband...
So there comes the point of contention. Somebody else's husband is it? What has the high court of his state ruled? "If a bachelor aged 21 years or above and a spinster aged 18 years or above had premarital sex with intention to marry and subsequent to this the man deserts the woman, the victim woman can approach a civil forum for remedy after producing necessary substantial evidence to grant her social status as wife. This remedy is not only for the purpose of giving relief to the victim woman but also to maintain the cultural integrity of India." - a verdict that is all over the social media anyways. So sweetheart, you needn't defend yourself. We didn't have premarital sex in the proper sense of the term, but yes sexual gratification was definitely there when we slept together, and then you did mention that you have waited for 29 years for this, which actually means quite clearly that I was the first girl you slept with. You didn't promise to marry me, but didn't say at the same time that you have no intention to marry me, for as I felt at that time, there was a lot of love involved. So even I didn't ask questions and didn't probe you further, I just trusted you and went with your emotions. Whom to trust if not one's best friend, tell me? A best friend that has known my wounds - was it so wrong to assume that he won't hurt in the same place? Was it so wrong to trust in God and believe in the miracle that was happening? So my dear Boo Boo, am I right or am I right, if I question the sanctity of your marriage? It is your own state's high court which suggests you are guilty as hell.
Having said that, your frowns and unhappiness still troubles me. And trust me I'd go away. I love my career to an extreme extent, but then, this place stifles me. Everyday I am the sole witness of the immense effort it takes on my part, just to take myself to office. Yes I love my work, but then, because nothing else is in sync, and I am not habituated to such extensive abuse, I have decided to call it quits. I don't call myself courageous. I couldn't bring you down and slap you in public for what you have done. But then I am vulnerable enough with my baseless emotions for you - so just forgive me for this outburst...I needed to tell the truth somewhere - I need to unmask you somewhere...as much as I love you...there is no denying that you are indeed a monster....one more time you show me the frowning face of yours....I'd be brave enough to face you and tell that it is entirely your problem that you can't deal with the situation your mistakes have created...you dare not blame me for anything...
Me and M, happy with our drive in at McDs (which also got us some free drive in coupon which we dint even open and see to know in details about the freebies we are entitled to, but simply got happy), came back sporting our packets of McSpicy paneer meal and entered a seemingly empty 3rd floor pantry, only to discover him sitting at the last table near the window with one of his favorite Tam PMs. They were in some local language discussions when the other guy got a call and our gentleman just chose to keep sitting there, with the worst possible frown on his face. No, he didn't look at me, and no he made no attempts to leave. It was we who finished the lunch and left finally...he stayed back and just waited for the other guy's various calls to get over. Oh that frown, how it kept bothering me. How long will she continue to be in front of my eyes and keep troubling me, is all that the frown said, or may be, why doesn't she simply die?
It rained a lot last evening, a sudden rain that gave me a chance to meet Cucu for a while. The child can spread so much joy, it is absolutely unimaginable. I was in a strange mood, I chose not to wear the woolen scarf I always carry to protect myself from catching cold, while I was returning home in the auto. What with getting wet in the rain, the car AC and the auto ride afterwards, I woke up at 4 o'clock in the morning sneezing vigorously. Since then my ailments keep branching in several other directions as well, body pain, sore throat and what not. And I have not been near him even for once. He has that stupid cold of his that bothers him so much. Didn't come to office on Thursday, Friday he comes decked up in a full sleeve sweater. For once like magic I returned to my 1 year old self, and whispered to M, should I give him a kissy? He'd be alright then...and then in my horror I discovered, shit, shit man shit, I can't talk like this about somebody else's husband...
So there comes the point of contention. Somebody else's husband is it? What has the high court of his state ruled? "If a bachelor aged 21 years or above and a spinster aged 18 years or above had premarital sex with intention to marry and subsequent to this the man deserts the woman, the victim woman can approach a civil forum for remedy after producing necessary substantial evidence to grant her social status as wife. This remedy is not only for the purpose of giving relief to the victim woman but also to maintain the cultural integrity of India." - a verdict that is all over the social media anyways. So sweetheart, you needn't defend yourself. We didn't have premarital sex in the proper sense of the term, but yes sexual gratification was definitely there when we slept together, and then you did mention that you have waited for 29 years for this, which actually means quite clearly that I was the first girl you slept with. You didn't promise to marry me, but didn't say at the same time that you have no intention to marry me, for as I felt at that time, there was a lot of love involved. So even I didn't ask questions and didn't probe you further, I just trusted you and went with your emotions. Whom to trust if not one's best friend, tell me? A best friend that has known my wounds - was it so wrong to assume that he won't hurt in the same place? Was it so wrong to trust in God and believe in the miracle that was happening? So my dear Boo Boo, am I right or am I right, if I question the sanctity of your marriage? It is your own state's high court which suggests you are guilty as hell.
Having said that, your frowns and unhappiness still troubles me. And trust me I'd go away. I love my career to an extreme extent, but then, this place stifles me. Everyday I am the sole witness of the immense effort it takes on my part, just to take myself to office. Yes I love my work, but then, because nothing else is in sync, and I am not habituated to such extensive abuse, I have decided to call it quits. I don't call myself courageous. I couldn't bring you down and slap you in public for what you have done. But then I am vulnerable enough with my baseless emotions for you - so just forgive me for this outburst...I needed to tell the truth somewhere - I need to unmask you somewhere...as much as I love you...there is no denying that you are indeed a monster....one more time you show me the frowning face of yours....I'd be brave enough to face you and tell that it is entirely your problem that you can't deal with the situation your mistakes have created...you dare not blame me for anything...
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