How am I?

I have never been so shocked in my life. Yesterday, from the bus window, I literally saw a poster outside a park in Wilson Garden area, big banner you may say...you know saying what? Lovers Not Allowed

!!!&@%What the hell man? Really, it happens only in India. I was laughing aloud in the bus. Me crying in a volvo bus is a pretty common sight, first time people saw me laughing :) :)

Then, the laughter kind of stayed with me. I was laughing away as I walked towards the office. I remembered that evening we spent together. He was supposed to make dosas for me. He has an apron, gifted to him by some client. He wore that apron on his shirt, and he was making all preparations to make dosa. Now, if you have read "The Namesake" you'd be very well able to guess just what followed. So I remembered way we were laughing away at the sheer contrast of our getup when we finally cooked. I remembered that day and laughed.

Let's fast forward to the evening. I got into a pretty crowded bus, but got a ladies seat. There was a kid sitting in the front seat. Some old lady came and simply displaced her. Poor little girl was half asleep only, as she stood dozing, holding the rod, I wanted so badly to take her on my lap. But I tried to remain aloof. First time the bus gave a jerk, and she was about to fall down, I grasped her and made her seat beside me - resulting in a very uncomfortable posture for me (I was barely sitting). But it was such a comfort having the girl cling to me, I never felt anything else. After she got down, I felt such a terrible void. Once again I tried to divert my mind to the earlier thoughts, same day...same events...came back. This time I burst into tears. It was so so embarrassing, all the while I remembered his old attitude towards me, I couldn't help wondering just why people change. Why, what is so permanent to you is so temporary to the other person? Why do people and their thoughts change so much? As the tears dried up, I gradually started comforting myself...it happens, it happens.

Now the truth is vivid. I spend this one month...somehow, and travel to Prague. I have also accepted it, kind of. Trying to see the silver linings, my favorite breakfast, my mascarpone cheese, the prawns and the nuggets...I told you...I always tend to accept. The detachment process has also kind of begun, though that seems so so impossible. But is there any other go? Yesterday's dream in the night was so disturbing. It seemed I had gone to the airport, but was in no hurry to catch the flight. I was roaming around, exploring the place, when to my extreme alarm, I realized, my luggage was supposed to have gone by another flight, which had taken off long back...and I simply forgot to deposit my luggage. Though I have Sigmund Freud's Interpretation of Dreams, I never really read it properly. But doesn't this typically signify that you are reading the situation wrongly or missing out the obvious, because you are so engrossed with something else?

He sms'ed today. Said, he's been occupied, how am I? How are things with me? I didn't know what to reply, so skipped it altogether. What's the point in saying things that don't make an impact?