Uff...

Today was a really happening day, after a long time. I was once again getting accustomed to the boring monotony of my life, yesterday, as I was on the verge of finishing yet another book, my head and neck started hurting badly, and suddenly I told myself that it wouldn't really matter if I finish the book today or tomorrow. I felt sick. I was tired fighting with myself. There was no way I could reach out...

Today was mom's birthday. So I decided to do some long pending household tasks, mostly for myself, not for her, but in her honor. Minor tasks like refilling the hand wash and stashing a new bin bag in the garbage can. While I did that, in the back of my mind it went on that I need to finish the book. But that would have to wait as yet another of my মামাs decided to arrive at our home. I got busy talking to him, made coffee for all of them, and was amply pleased when he admitted to my grandmother that he really likes me and thinks I am special. Yes, I talked to him about everything on earth, and I know these things because I keep reading, and I read so much because I have nothing else to do. Get the irony? Didn't tell him though. He asked me if I have any void about not getting married. I pretended to be the brave girl, "no, I am just worried a bit about dying alone and being pitied", I said. I saw him off, came up to my room, and finished the book. No reaction, no pondering, I started reading the next book. When it was 4 o'clock, I took my bath, pulled on a jeans and a regular loose top, and accompanied my dad to big bazaar to get grocery. Earlier they had two hours free parking, now it's reduced to an hour. It needs meticulous planning, fighting with the crowd...and I managed it once again. Bang on, payback points collected, free calls recharged. We moved on to the florist, and the take away shop. Ordered in tandem, to save time. Here the food got packed, there the bouquet got prepared. Hurried home. Fed the dog. Quickly tied a saree. Put on some eye makeup and an elaborate bindi without thinking much. Rubbed lipstick on my lips. Asked dad to take a photo. Reached the marriage venue. More photos. Food. Cracked some silly jokes. Everyone laughed. Wow, look, I am socializing. Came back home. Regular chit chat with mom. Helped granny to bed. Came upstairs again. Couple of official mails, couple of Facebook posts. It was then that I noticed. My friend who was supposed to get married today. From usual girlish inquisitive nature, I looked for the groom's photo in her profile. Don't ask me if I had faint hopes of seeing my best friend in one of those pics. Because I didn't. I saw the groom though. Sad kind of fat person, I knew it is wrong but still couldn't help wondering why she married him...before I'd get back to the story book, I decided to write about this.

PS - What I love about my best friend is that he hasn't changed a bit from the college days. Why, I could be his aunt :( But jokes apart, I am losing weight slowly but steadily. One problem that I discovered is that I am really not attracted towards him in the wild sort of way, really, you may laugh, but that's true, in fact our sheer familiarity comes in the way probably. Whatever, like he used to say in college (funny how it still reverberates in my ears), he can, (or, in those days, he could) create attraction between any two people...so I guess that won't be much of a problem so long as he looks like he did...
Cut, cut, cut, but thank God I'm in love with him, and not keen on marrying anyone else, thin or fat. All I wish is that I get some respite from the story book thingy, psychological thrillers, grrrrrr :( :(

PPS - The Jiah Khan story brings back horror to me in unspeakable ways. But she died, and I am living, and I don't know if that in itself is a crime...