It is strange way things come back to you... I was in Tamasha mood last night...haven't yet been to the theater to watch it, just waiting in fond apprehension - you know that typical feeling of slow and careful handling I had with my newly bought copy of Unaccustomed Earth...
I feel I have kept a sacred part of mine with that monster, whenever I remember that book...actually I often feel angry about my mistakes - like there was absolutely no need to be kind to that wretched guy from school, who frankly was stinking of snobbery - the particular characteristic that defines most of my fellow students from the so called elite institutions and what I have always hated them for. But no, I had to be blind at the wrong time and served me right to be humiliated in the way I was.
Like I have mentioned here probably a 100 times, the only safe person I can involve myself romantically with is my...my...what can I call him without sounding vulnerable? Best friend he's not, at least not anymore, I call him by his name in my mind most of the time, but I don't want to be that obvious. Oh just forget it, let's just call him by the pronouns, he's the only safe "he" in my life, the he who won't retaliate.
So, as I was relaxing with music and the book, last night and then repeat music and some beauty routine this morning, it suddenly came back to me. The song from Dil Kya Kare was playing, pyar kliye char pal kam nahi thhe...since he was already there in my thoughts, I suddenly found myself wondering, when did this movie release? Wasn't I at college then? Most inconsequentially, I remembered laughing about how a guy in the class had been crying buckets on watching Kajol's suffering - but then, I remembered that it had been another Kajol movie, the one with Anil Kapoor, something titled, Hum Aapke Dil Mein Rehtehai...giggles - what all names movies had then...but I loved the songs from this movie too...
But I was not talking about that, I was talking about how memories hit you - from places where they have been lying dormant in your mind all this time...13, 14 years, with you having no idea that they exist...
It was his voice and it was the ambience, that's all I could recognize...we were in one of our regular addas, with several other friends - you see, we were not lovers, so nobody ever shied away from sitting with us, in fact we talked talked and talked, and given his natural charm, one or the other from his regular gang would drop by... seems painful to remember now, when I hardly get to chat...well so we were chatting and he was commenting on the movie. I can still hear him saying every word, not having any idea that they'd get etched somewhere, to be recovered ages later, on a certain 29/11/2015 :)
He was just describing the scene where Ajay would be telling a lie, that her train is delayed. Someone urges Kajol to call up the station and inquire once again. She calls up and obviously gets to know the truth. She looks at Ajay, considers for a while and then comfortably says, the train is delayed by one more hour. He was ecstatic about this scene. None of them say it explicitly to each other, but they don't want to part as yet.
He used to tell movie stories wonderfully well. I have never watched Ijazat, because I have watched it through his story telling. I just don't want to watch the real movie ever - it'd always be through his eyes...
So in safe reassurance I keep romancing him in my mind. He won't stop me or feel irritated...ever...and in my ecstatic state I almost imagined telling aloud, you know I've got a daughter...she's very pretty, looks exactly like her father...I haven't met her though...will probably never be meeting her...but her dad, he absolutely dotes on her you know...
Moist eyes, may be, but don't you pity me, I am really happy with his memories - with every passing day I love him a little more, as memories come undone...
No comments:
Post a Comment