I am listening to songs after a long time. Ever since my car got garaged (that dreaded driver decided to go on leave without informing us, so we finally got a reason to dismiss him, good riddance I must say) - there's no radio (I mean I could always use the radio in the phone or the tab, but I am often too lazy to plug in the earphone - that is supposed to act as the antenna, and then there's this inexplicable preference to the iPod, which is without charge for well over six months now) and thus the only regular music is the program I watch on TV...three days a week.
Then somewhere I got to know about the Tamasha song... Imtiaz Ali, my thought-brother, my favorite onscreen couple, and (probably) the keywords of my life - "if only you'd been there with me", irresistibly deadly combination you see. Hence procuring the song in the dead of the night (the only time when I come alive), finally plugging in the headphones (headphones are far more comfortable than earphones, i.e. if you are listening in and not only using them as antennas). Then followed the usual phenomena of one song leading to another (listening to this emotional marvel by Alka Yagnik, how could I not revisit Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna at least once) and memories smeared on each song gradually dripping in and wrapping me up. Pure blissful joy...
What they so grandly term as intolerance is something I have noticed earlier than many of my fellow citizens, probably because I haven't been that busy with my life. And frankly this intolerance can't be driven out till the time we remain too engrossed with ourselves and too insensitive to others. Insensitivity is such a crime. Even when we pray, what is it that we say? পুত্রাং দেহি ধনং দেহি (give me sons, give me wealth, give me all that I can desire) - just imagine. Sexist and selfish (and may some self-styled army of the prime Hindu God come and kill me for saying this). For God's sake, what's the point of attacking artists only because they belong to a different faith and a hostile neighbor? Don't they know that music is a form of worship practised by all religions unanimously? A mankind so self-consumed cannot probably even understand that.
I have returned to my proletariat existence, sans the car. As I stood yesterday in a very crowded bus stand overlooking the EM Bypass - I felt scared, skeptical, almost felt my vertigo striking back, and fervently prayed for an empty (preferably AC) bus, and inexplicably found someone whispering in my ear... খুচরো পাপ, খুচরো পাপ...(he used to tell me that my vertigo comes from the several small sins that I must have committed) - ah, can't describe the sudden joy I felt, all thanks to my all encompassing imagination fuelled by the tagged individuals walking up to the stop (it was very near the IT hub you see), what if...he suddenly appears here? Will I never meet him again in life? Not even once, after having finally realized my love for him in its truest sense? And then the practical self chastised me. I became sober. I am not a home breaker... :)... So having realized that, I boarded a non-AC bus, struggled about holding on to a rod for life - as the bus sped on as if there's no tomorrow and the pseudo centrifugal force kept forcing me towards the open door as if...all the time the memories of that very crowded bus flashing in my mind - how does love happen between man and woman, I don't know... I can tell you about a boy and a girl, I shall tell you the story, but not today. Some other time.
As I write here while listening to my favorite songs after ages, and some ugly memories peep in too, of people mistreating me, having completely failed to understand the kind of person I am, I once again feel so safe in confining all my love to my best friend. That is one gentleman who will never misunderstand me about loving him. You see, all that's already over. He's misunderstood me, scolded me and we have realized our actual feelings for each other and chosen to move on from there. There may be anonymity now, but no threat and no hard feelings. In fact there can't be. I wish the world had at least this kind of a harmony. Ego is indeed a very brutal and self destroying stuff, I must say.
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