End of romanticism...

I wrote a lot that night, and then for some strange reason, didn't fee like posting it. Didn't feel like deleting it either - just left it as it is and went on to watch a movie. Quite liked the movie (C/o Sir) - I had zero expectations despite having heard good reviews, I just wanted a diversion. More than the movie I loved the RabindraSangeet in it, কতবার ভেবেছিনু আপন ভুলিয়া... Influenced I guess by prayer tunes of carols, it is such a treat to listen to - Tagore I felt, is quite a religion in himself. You can simply follow him and get your desired peace of mind.

After I recovered from the movie, I turned back my attention to the unfinished article. It was lost. Really so. I don't know what sort of a garbage collector like facility (tells you, doesn't it, that once a Java programmer always a Java programmer?) my tab has, and the blogger app is not very efficient anyways, but I didn't mind. I was actually relieved and went to sleep. It was well past 4 in the morning, I was tired.

In my last entry (read last existing/published entry) I had talked about writing our story here. In the last lost one, that was what I was debating with myself. And I felt so tired fighting with myself that I sought a distraction and went for the movie instead. Afterwards, whatever happened, I strongly felt that it's a sign. I was dead against writing it down. However much romantic it might have been, my inner self vehemently protested. If the story is not remembered by the two of us, at the same time, it is as good as nothingness. আমি সেদিনও তাই বলেছিলাম, আজও তাই বলি...

So there's the usual Diwali happiness, though I am rather worried about the puppies - they are already scared of the occasional crackers that are going off, the next 2-3 days are going to be even worse.

Today another dog, who's not exactly my pet, but knows me, (I'm friends with all the four legged beings in the neighborhood) suddenly came to me when I was walking in the road in front of my house, and stood up and put his front paws on my chest. He was scratching me away, as if urging me to do something about the sudden increase of noise. I have never seen him to be so agitated, however much I'd pat on his head and say "good boy, calm down", he won't get down. I wish we wouldn't tamper so much with their world.

Apart from that I wish someone would tell me how to live such a lonely, support less life. Forgive me that I couldn't find any solace anymore in loving you. I still love you, I love you a lot, but how does it matter unless you love me back? Wish I could live in my bubble a little longer...at least Diwali wouldn't have been such a faded affair then :) I shall socialize and be merry and light diyas and burst crackers, all the time knowing in my mind that I couldn't write our story and tell everyone because he doesn't love me back...