Yesterday I watched Inception once again. With dad this time. Dad, as is usual with him, gets overwhelmed on watching any good movie. And since this is a particularly tricky one, over that pretty fast paced with intermingled tracks, he got a bit confused. Given his age, his comprehensibility is decreasing somewhat. Still, it is fun watching a movie with dad.
This was followed by Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Ha ha, this turned out to be even more fun. As I was trying to irritate my parents talking about "they are going for the quidditch world cup", "he's not actually Mad Eye Moody, he's Barty Crouch junior, so he's drinking a lot of polyjuice potion", "Ya Neville Longbottom will be scared, his parents were tortured with the cruciatus curse", "Harry's asking for the firebolt, Sirius gave it to him" - my parents usually ignore me when I talk nonsense, but this seemed really hilarious. They had absolutely no idea what I am blabbering on.
So, coming to the reason why I sat down to write this entry. It is going to be 6 months end of this month, a long enough break - if I want it to be just a break and not a retirement. For one thing I have understood. I am not going to get a job like this. It is not that my CV doesn't carry a value, it is that employers are blind to it. There is too much of skilled labor in India, more so in Kolkata (you see, Bengali parents take so much pride in educating their kids - that's their only competition and satisfaction in life - how well their kids are doing). And the employers are not looking for honed skill - raw skill at a lesser price tag will do well for them. A girl who passed out last June and might have been sitting idle since then has more chance of getting a job than me, with my 10 years of experience. The only way out is to join my last company, which I call hell hole. I have contacts there, albeit a MNC, it doesn't show the practiced snobbery that the big MNCs do - they will at least consider my candidature and from what work I have done with them, they will not turn me down. See, may be I left it for reasons of non recognition of my potential, and perhaps due to the memories of a broken relationship and crisis of a dying friendship. But then what did the outside world do? They trashed me in an even worse way. Ya, compromise is what I didn't want to do - I didn't want to compromise with my standard of living (hated that house where I stayed with my brother - but then if I am brave enough to stay alone - can I not get a fresh new house?), didn't want to compromise in my work place (then again - compromise is better than no work, right?), didn't want to live alone (I can do absolutely nothing on that - in these 6 months of stay with my parents all I have realized is they are just not cut out for parenting as per societal norms - they are too naive to find a groom for me, and I am too proud to ask, then again, they will not uproot themselves and come and stay with me - if I need to stay with them, I have to wash my hands off my career). See, I am just trying to live. As I can see, a life of 70 or 90 odd years means 35 to 55 odd years more to go. I better die today than staying idle for all this while. And then I try to imagine what impact it'd have on me. I have been a free bird these six months. Thrusting myself back to that cage...I just shudder to think about that.
Ya, I have grown to recognize the world in a much better way than the gullible me used to see it a couple of years back. No body cares. Even those who care have too little time to keep bothering. Everyone is busy. I am a stupid misfit in this world of busybodies - who has absolutely nothing to do. I told you the other day that I got some work. Well, fighting the internet speed (it is TERRIBLY SLOW), I did manage to complete the 1st version of the data dictionary that night itself. Worked till 2 o' clock, and sent off the mail. I was so happy to have a good night's sleep after a hard day's work. But then? I am only calling up the person, I am only pinging him on Skype, with no result. Man, here I am doing free work, and I only need to insist on more work or review? Isn't that hilarious? If I'd follow up with friends who promised to help, they'd be irritated. They haven't been stupid like me, they didn't want to find out if the position that they have earned is on the basis of their merit or is it purely luck factor? Frankly, I was lucky to have a seven figure salary - if that was my talent that was earning it, then hello, I still have the talent intact. Where is my job?
I am disappointed, I am angry. And my friends want me to start writing. I have plenty of free time, and they feel I write well. But hell, I don't want to write about this hopeless world. If I could, I'd have written another Fountainhead, or Atlas Shrugged. But then I can never be an Ayn Rand. Or, if I had imagination like J K Rowling, I'd have written another Harry Potter series. There is no merit in writing stories of day to day life - it is just telling aloud - I know the system is rotten, still I am being a part of it (this I write with my due respects to Jhumpa Lahiri - yes there's poignancy in painting this picture, but then - I don't need more dark shades in my life). What to write on, I don't know. I don't want to write for money - I don't want to get into the usual routines and publicity and bindings that a modern day author's life involves.
To end with - নই জুতো নই ছাতা আমি তবে কেউ নই :( :( :(
This was followed by Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Ha ha, this turned out to be even more fun. As I was trying to irritate my parents talking about "they are going for the quidditch world cup", "he's not actually Mad Eye Moody, he's Barty Crouch junior, so he's drinking a lot of polyjuice potion", "Ya Neville Longbottom will be scared, his parents were tortured with the cruciatus curse", "Harry's asking for the firebolt, Sirius gave it to him" - my parents usually ignore me when I talk nonsense, but this seemed really hilarious. They had absolutely no idea what I am blabbering on.
So, coming to the reason why I sat down to write this entry. It is going to be 6 months end of this month, a long enough break - if I want it to be just a break and not a retirement. For one thing I have understood. I am not going to get a job like this. It is not that my CV doesn't carry a value, it is that employers are blind to it. There is too much of skilled labor in India, more so in Kolkata (you see, Bengali parents take so much pride in educating their kids - that's their only competition and satisfaction in life - how well their kids are doing). And the employers are not looking for honed skill - raw skill at a lesser price tag will do well for them. A girl who passed out last June and might have been sitting idle since then has more chance of getting a job than me, with my 10 years of experience. The only way out is to join my last company, which I call hell hole. I have contacts there, albeit a MNC, it doesn't show the practiced snobbery that the big MNCs do - they will at least consider my candidature and from what work I have done with them, they will not turn me down. See, may be I left it for reasons of non recognition of my potential, and perhaps due to the memories of a broken relationship and crisis of a dying friendship. But then what did the outside world do? They trashed me in an even worse way. Ya, compromise is what I didn't want to do - I didn't want to compromise with my standard of living (hated that house where I stayed with my brother - but then if I am brave enough to stay alone - can I not get a fresh new house?), didn't want to compromise in my work place (then again - compromise is better than no work, right?), didn't want to live alone (I can do absolutely nothing on that - in these 6 months of stay with my parents all I have realized is they are just not cut out for parenting as per societal norms - they are too naive to find a groom for me, and I am too proud to ask, then again, they will not uproot themselves and come and stay with me - if I need to stay with them, I have to wash my hands off my career). See, I am just trying to live. As I can see, a life of 70 or 90 odd years means 35 to 55 odd years more to go. I better die today than staying idle for all this while. And then I try to imagine what impact it'd have on me. I have been a free bird these six months. Thrusting myself back to that cage...I just shudder to think about that.
Ya, I have grown to recognize the world in a much better way than the gullible me used to see it a couple of years back. No body cares. Even those who care have too little time to keep bothering. Everyone is busy. I am a stupid misfit in this world of busybodies - who has absolutely nothing to do. I told you the other day that I got some work. Well, fighting the internet speed (it is TERRIBLY SLOW), I did manage to complete the 1st version of the data dictionary that night itself. Worked till 2 o' clock, and sent off the mail. I was so happy to have a good night's sleep after a hard day's work. But then? I am only calling up the person, I am only pinging him on Skype, with no result. Man, here I am doing free work, and I only need to insist on more work or review? Isn't that hilarious? If I'd follow up with friends who promised to help, they'd be irritated. They haven't been stupid like me, they didn't want to find out if the position that they have earned is on the basis of their merit or is it purely luck factor? Frankly, I was lucky to have a seven figure salary - if that was my talent that was earning it, then hello, I still have the talent intact. Where is my job?
I am disappointed, I am angry. And my friends want me to start writing. I have plenty of free time, and they feel I write well. But hell, I don't want to write about this hopeless world. If I could, I'd have written another Fountainhead, or Atlas Shrugged. But then I can never be an Ayn Rand. Or, if I had imagination like J K Rowling, I'd have written another Harry Potter series. There is no merit in writing stories of day to day life - it is just telling aloud - I know the system is rotten, still I am being a part of it (this I write with my due respects to Jhumpa Lahiri - yes there's poignancy in painting this picture, but then - I don't need more dark shades in my life). What to write on, I don't know. I don't want to write for money - I don't want to get into the usual routines and publicity and bindings that a modern day author's life involves.
To end with - নই জুতো নই ছাতা আমি তবে কেউ নই :( :( :(
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