Well this is not about the usual cribbing, bewildered girl. This is the
girl she is...or for that matter the girl I am. For after all we two are
but the same girl. Romantic, musical, happy in our own sweet
bubble...whatever the reality might be.
After a long time I shared someone's grief. Someone who's equally confused...who's being equally tossed around by life...for hardly any fault of his. I talked about my frustrations and listened to his rantings. God knows why, to my not so experienced ears he sounded a bit drunk. Not sure. Even as I kept worrying about my phone bill because I was calling STD from my Bangalore SIM that's on roaming (ya I do need to worry about these things nowadays)...I always felt that the call is my moral duty. When, just before ending the call, he asked to keep in touch, my heart almost melted...oh how much in despair someone might be...to seek support from a good for nothing soul like me.
One more good thing that happened today was that I was finally given
some work. Just to do some research and prepare a data dictionary for a
software. And it is free work anyways, I am not going to be paid for it.
But still after all the ignorance, lecturing and kicking about that my
so called friends have been doing (height was from this friend whom I
had mentioned in the post Abhimaan... and
whom I don't know why, I called to wish on her birthday - and she is
this honey toned lady who's like begging me to share my CV and let her
help, and once I send her a mail, she simply escapes from the scene, all
she wanted is probably some first hand proof of me being jobless - knowing her
type, I simply don't know why I trusted her), this is finally some real
work that has been assigned to me. I am indeed grateful for that. And
while I was having my discussion on skype, I suddenly saw the photo of
this ex colleague couple's newly born baby boy...and my face softened in
a smile - finally this guy stops boasting and comes to reality (earlier
he had his photo with this Indian MNC head).
Can't explain why music follows whenever I am happy. I just had to reach
out for my iPod. Ever heard Ahista ahista from Swadesh? Or
Chalo...tumko lekaar chalein from Jism? Lovely songs na? I could have
sung along till I'd sink into a peaceful slumber, had the mobile app
version of blogger not given up on my lengthy post. Then again I
realized, I must download Firefox - the speed issue of Chrome will never
let me finish my research. Every time my Norton AV will come up
complaining about high CPU usage of Chrome, then first thing would be
Flash player crashing on the browser, and I will curse my Tata Photon+
dongle and turn off the laptop. I can't do that now. If I have to stay
in Kolkata, to survive I need this work...and I need to deliver the
first installment successfully and on time for more work to come up.
Well, a queer thing happened last night. I was in that strange state
between sleep and wakefulness, when all tearful, I just talked aloud to
God. "You mustn't scare her saying that she could have got an even worse
life, and should be satisfied with whatever she has now. No, that's no
reason to snatch away all the good she deserved in life". Well, is there
really a past life where I have been a real sinner? Then why all this?
What rule does God's world follow? Why do good people suffer here so
much? I don't know...may be even God doesn't know. But then, isn't it
such a relief that we somehow find some other equally good person amid
all the evil on earth?
There was this guy, dad's friend, who turned up today, just to convince
dad that he should send me back to Bangalore. We convinced him back that
I am just fine here, and all the time I couldn't help wondering how
much similarity he has with the Bong :D. Jokes apart, he's a really nice
person, and he gave dad this Sarod CD as a gift. Who will go back to
Bangalore, to stinking people who cause misery? To torturous memories
that'd crush me down once again? No man, I want to stay here...that's
all I want.
এই শহর জানে আমার প্রথম সবকিছু, পালাতে চাই যত সে আসে আমার পিছু পিছু।
...did I ever write here about the Sarod player who I was in love with?
Who was also a gold medalist in academics? Ha ha...that was one hell of a
funny story. Me and my crushes. I had one huge crush in school,
recently the guy's sister died of cancer - she was what, hardly 40. I
felt so bad, as if I have lost someone close to me. I sure know how to
keep loving people - even long after they are gone from my life. That is
why this city is just the appropriate shelter for me. It still has some
life left in it, it can house stupid, crazy people (like the roadside
mad man I saw yesterday - summer is here, still he proudly sports his
torn sweater and leather jacket and is dozing off under the scorching
afternoon sun). Like one of my numerous মামা who visited us this Sunday -
who I found out is just the perfect child in a grown up man's get up. I
want to stay in touch with them, people whom I can remotely call my own
- not mechanical, hurting non acquaintances that other cities are so
full of.
PS - All thanks to my newly acquired smart phone, and some problem in sync up with the mobile apps version - this post got deleted after I published it last night. It was one of those horrible nights when the research bug gets the better of you - I kept looking for ways to retrieve the lost post till 3:55 in the morning - groggy with sleep, I could hardly read through the instructions. However, I got acquainted with post IDs and cached version. This morning I am finally successful in recovering the entire post through cache - and I am elated. I even had this passing thought that may be there's something in this post that God doesn't want me to publish. But then every bit I write is so precious and dear to me...I am happy to put it back on the web :) Had to change the name slightly, as it wouldn't publish under the previous name. But alas, I haven't yet started on my assigned work and a review is due in the afternoon :O
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