Saturday, March 22, 2014

5 days of changing colors



Ok, so have been deferring this entry for the past 2-3 days on the context of being tired/exhausted/sleepy etc. etc. But not anymore. Not that I am not yawning today as well, going out in the Kolkata summer gets my head aching every time, nevertheless I am gradually adapting to it. Surprisingly, there’s hardly much heat, it is around 30 degree C in the evening. What matters is the humidity, so much like that Vidya lady of Kahaani, I travel around with a bottle of water (the magenta one I got from Mysore when I was taking the training there). Firstly it is colourful, it kinda brightens up my environment, and secondly, it gives me this distinct “confused foreigner” touch – as I am not yet fully prepared to become one with the city, I quite like that…
Well, where do I begin? Monday night perhaps? When I received this inconsequential and unsolicited sms from my ex college crush. Gentleman writes a funny line “My wife has given birth to a baby girl”. See, in a general situation this wouldn’t have mattered to me. But I am going through a hurtful time right now. I just remembered how this guy had played around with me and was always shy of commitment citing 1000+1 reasons like I don’t belong to his community to he is not yet established. But he never let go of me. I stopped talking to him after college, he sought me and came to meet up with me in the university, was in touch all the while in between (we even met once in SG airport), till he marries this pretty girl from his so called community. Well, that time I was not exactly lonely, I didn’t mind that much. Some years down the line, I got to know one day, as I wished him on his birthday (this I always maintained – I even wished him last month – but ya, I will discontinue that henceforth – why? I just don’t feel like keeping friends anymore) – that he’s not having good terms with his wife. She is greedy about a good lifestyle, and doesn’t want to stay with his parents, wants abroad trips and all every year, etc. And then, I don’t know from where, came the obvious comparison. You would have been happy with only a few story books, you are so different from her. Men, I tell you. And so typical of me, I counseled him about how to win her back. And here they are, supposedly having made a baby. Ha ha, though his sms gave all the credit to the wife, so much so that I dreamt that night of his wife having a test tube baby and all (you know the usual IVF funda). Whatever, I was not happy – repeating my typicality, I would have sent a congratulatory message immediately, but I stopped myself. Ever watched মেঘ কালো? I remembered the movie. Here I am, no job, no marriage, no remote possibility of a baby, a dead Rupai haunting me all the while. What’s there to be happy about your own once upon a time boyfriend’s baby. It could have been my baby, could have added some meaning and some value to my otherwise worthless existence. But no, men can only flirt with me.
With all that IVF dream, I woke up late on Tuesday morning, came downstairs, and mom informed me about some free course on entrepreneurship, to be conducted in the American Center the day after. I was reluctant to sign up for it. The previous day, I had spoken to a senior guy from my last place of work, about joining back. I wanted to wait for that, and join back with whatever condition they impose on me. Frankly, the prospect of an embracing Kolkata was drying up for me. Bangalore would be equally unwelcoming, but I’d have some occupation, you know, which would translate to some self esteem. But then all day passed, with me lazing about, and no information from the other end. Then, just out of sheer boredom, I logged in to edx.org and signed up for the course. I had no idea about the time when the discussion would start, I just checked the net and found that the American Center is open from 10 am to 6 pm. I decided to turn up at 10 itself. There was one more news about the hangouts server hanging from time to time, don’t know if it was a result of that, but at around 7 pm I got a message from office about the preliminary discussions. As expected, constraints were there, as of now, on the domain of work, but I knew it’d later get on to the offered salary and another 100 odd things. But such was my desperation at that time that nothing mattered. I sms-ed saying I am ok with any domain of work – there is no preference on banking.
Well, the next morning, with a lot of loathing in my mind, I got up early (it was as usual me coaxing myself – get up baby, we have to at least try to live – all that usual bull shit). The excitement was in taking the metro ride to Maidan. I was taking the metro after a long time, and then for the first time during the office hour rush. Well, I hardly knew the adventure that’d follow. My phone rang when I was busy observing the metro crowd. It was my colleague. Frankly, I couldn’t hear half the things he was saying, and as we went down underground, the signal snapped. Soon I reached the American Center, and found they have strange security rules – like they won’t allow the back pack in. So with my diary, wallet, water bottle, pen, mobile and keys I had to get inside – precariously balancing everything, I moved a bit here and there, only to know that the discussion is scheduled at 3:30 pm.  I gave a return call to the person, and what I could gather this time around is, he is trying elsewhere, so that I can stay in Kolkata itself. He advised me to hold on a bit, and if nothing else works out, he’d resume the discussions with my previous organization. Well, what could I say? For a while I felt like this child from whom everyone is busy hiding the candy. Then I snapped out of it. There were more pressing things. Like what to do for the next 5 and ½ hours? If I go back home there was no coming back, no sir, I didn’t have that much enthusiasm. And I had no idea how else to spend time in that alien area. I asked one indifferent lady, if she would mind if I sit down in the reception area, and she exclaimed, “why should I mind?” (me and my politeness can get on anybody’s nerve including mine). Well, then I gave a call to dad – and he just advised me to visit the museum. Frankly speaking, I had no idea then that it’d turn out to be such a good suggestion. Now that I come to think of it, probably it was the only place you could explore alone – and so I did. Each small coin, each broken statue (I saw this statue of Karthikeya - the God with his peacock, and I was like Boo Boo :-( :-( :-( ), each handicraft, and each specimen of evolution. And then there was the Egypt room, and the 4500 year old mummy. You visit such a place, you get a welcome respite from you day to day monotony. Your troubles seem insignificant for a while. They are however not erased, mind you. For as I was having my lunch in Dominos afterwards, I was so jittered that I didn’t even see the men sign on the toilet. One guy warned me and then only I apologized and moved to the ladies’ room. May be one more example of how things stay in your head. If I remember correctly, in the Dominos near our office, there was only one common toilet, and that memory stayed on, replacing my common sense. So, as I was walking about aimlessly, an old friend and colleague called. She was in Kolkata, wanted to meet up – could I come over the next day? Wow, for a person who had zero activity for the last few months, it was two consecutive days of outing. I gladly agreed and said I’d go in the morning itself. Finally, I did attend the discussion as well, heard this speech from someone who has founded “Calcutta Walks” – where he walks around with people and explores Calcutta (much like the walking tours in Prague, but I’d have never believed that people would be willing to walk in this heat). Also I got a free membership to the library there. While I was attending the discussion, the next call came. It was from my university senior – and I said I’d call back later. Came back home and my head was literally splitting. Somehow managed to call him before I’d retire, and there he was, asking me to meet him regarding some work, which was temporary, and money he couldn’t promise. Could I meet him at 4 o’ clock in the afternoon? Now, all this was turning out to be too much for me. My friend’s home was a 2hrs one way journey, I couldn’t probably go there, visit her, come back, and visit him all in a day’s time. And this looked important. However insignificant, this looked like work. So I cancelled the previous plan, rather rescheduled it to Friday.
I was skeptical to say the least – I had no idea whether this was any credible job at all. So much so that at 1:30 I decided to take a small nap and put the alarm at 3. However I woke up 10 minutes before the alarm went off, hurriedly took a bath, got ready and set off for the University. Our family account is on the adjacent bank, which closes sharply at 4. I had to update a passbook to check if the e banking transfer is working properly from granny’s pension account to her savings account (this and all I have been doing regularly – trying to automate as much as possible – so that they don’t need to go out for every single thing). So, I entered the bank at 3:59 and was just in time to get my work done. Yes the transfer reached the intended account. Happy, I called my senior, and he asked me to call back in 10 minutes. I took a small walk around the university and entered it through the next gate (it has, I guess some 4 odd gates). The holi celebrations were still on, some students still looked colorful. Girls were visibly thinner than the usual dimensions you see with working ladies (I remember being that thin 10 years ago). They were visibly the studious type, discussing about question papers and Xerox and lectures missed. But then there was this distinct flavor of politics which was never so conspicuous when I studied there. Of course I was a PG student and typically UG students indulge more in politics. I called once again and the call went unanswered. I decided to play Candy Crush, and after a while finally got hold of the guy. Yes, there is a job, the university website is being redesigned, and I need to be the information manager. The project gets over on 15th April. Temporary job and no discussion on the compensation part. I need to go there from Monday, 24th March, but I need to get a final confirmation on Sunday night.
Frankly speaking, I was neither delighted, nor stirred by the opportunity. I was kinda happy, happy in a neutral sort of way, way life has become these days. I came back home and went for the usual grocery shopping with dad, but ya, the one noticeable difference was, once again I had a good night’s sleep. The next day, I got up and got ready to visit my friends’ house. Once you travel by metro, you would hardly opt for any other mode of transport. Albeit a little expensive, the comfort you get is even more than cabs. So I took the bus to the nearest metro station. Asking at the ticket counter for a ticket to Shyambazar itself gave me goosebumps. Me, the incorrigibly romantic me. I don’t need an iPod on journeys these days. I get so little scope of socializing that observing the various people in public transport takes all my time. Reached the station and crossed the road to catch another bus (my friend stays in the far north of the city, and I in the far south). It was in front of some Srish Chandra college – various people were unnecessarily making noise around a small Maruti car, and so many white uniformed traffic policemen stood on watching and doing nothing. Then my bus came, some bus of route number 3. I got down at the designated stop and followed her directions to her house. Much the same way I had visited my old school friend’s house in Golpark, but distance wise this was like 10 times. It was fun playing with my friend’s kiddo, whom I had seen as this new born baby. Such a lovely boy of 4 years he is now. Kids usually get fond of me without me trying too hard, probably because I being equally childish in many ways, treat them as an adult. So we had this instant camaraderie and had a good afternoon together. With each relative stepping into her house and she introducing me as “my friend, not exactly friend, she was my junior in office” – once in a while I felt, can’t she do away with that bit? Is it so difficult to call someone just friend, without any qualifier? One more thing that particularly struck me during our tete-a-tete  was when she said, there are positive people on earth, who exude so much of good energy that they keep making new friends, whereas their old friends are also retained. Is it? Then what am I? A negative person, because I keep losing my friends? No matter how genuinely I feel about them? Then, evening and it was time to go. This time, I took the bus, because, given the current security condition of the city, who would want to do a 3 stop break journey? It was the first time I had to remove my gold chain as well, on advice from her family members.  Is north Calcutta even more unsafe than the south, I wondered. But then came Shyambazar again, north Calcutta in its typical evening beauty – and I was lost in my reveries again. Why do I love him so much? It has been 12 years I guess, since we last met. But he still remains my most favourite person on earth. Each tiny word he spoke to me, I still cling on to. His lives here somewhere, a house I visited with him. Not sure if he has returned home yet. He has no idea I am back in the city, I long for the way he used to comfort me with his mere presence. He doesn’t care, he has a wife and a daughter. But I know in the innermost core of my heart, that hundreds of crushes later, if I have realized that I really loved someone, it is him. I took in the smell of his locality as the bus sped past. It was then that the first call came. My Driving License is ready. Wow, I said in my mind. The next call came in sometime later, as I was observing the tiny lamps that lit up the roadside vegetable vendors’ humble stalls overlooking the EM bypass. From my ex PM who wanted to sit with his project after a gap of more than a week. I came home and was tired. Didn’t feel like getting online. I was wondering, do I have the luxury of ignoring work related discussion like this? But then, it is my life and my hard earned freedom. My primary condition was, I won’t have anybody else bossing over me. So I haven’t contacted him till now, and it is almost 4 pm now.
Morning – and three more good news. A friend has finally recommended me in her company after much coaxing and that my PF claim has been processed, money will soon be credited. More money means more interest. Also my Demat Account has been closed, it was non functional ever since it was opened, it at least saves me the annual rent. Afternoon, I got hold of my DL – dad fetched it on his way back from Karvy. So, no doubt I have entered a phase of good luck that was long awaited. Now what remains to be seen is how long it stays.

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