A while back...I was really shy about socializing. But frankly speaking, I loved it today. It was one of my cousin's marriage reception. And the first Bengali marriage I'm attending in a loooooooooong time, if I'm not mistaken, it's been more than seven years.
Too engrossed I have been with my life. Didn't even notice how time has flown by. Kids whom I have literally seen crawling, are getting married. Gives you goosebumps almost.
Though I'm not keeping well ever since I've come to Kolkata, I still gave my fullest enthusiasm to today's event. Did a proper make up, wore a gorgeous saree. Some person in some snacks corner in the venue actually called me bou-di (way they call married ladies) - all thanks to my never before big red bindi and brownish lipstick :)
I loved to meet my relatives. Most of whom I'm meeting almost at a gap of more than 10 years. Uncles and aunts and grannies who have pampered me as I have grown up. I felt how much love I have concealed in myself over the years, as I spontaneously ran to them and embraced them after touching their feet. To think, I kept telling myself that nobody loves me, and I completely forgot these faces.
Once particularly emotional time was the first meeting of all my grandma's siblings. Two brothers have passed away, but 4 sisters and the youngest brother still live. They were meeting each other after a long time. In this time, they have experienced bereavements and misunderstandings and family feuds, but the sibling love seemed unaltered, in fact it seemed to have grown.
My maternal uncles and aunts couldn't stop exclaiming how similar I look to my mom. Actually I myself discovered the similarity is obvious. In the saree, I literally looked my mom's clone. And not to be modest, I looked extremely pretty, the authentic Bengali girl. After a long time I loved myself so completely.
Icing on the cake was my last moment meeting with Jhumi didi. All through the evening I kept telling everyone, I wish I'd be able to meet Jhumi didi...haven't seen her for ages. Luckily just as we were leaving, her car arrived. Once again I ran to embrace, my wonderfully talented sister, and all she could say is - you have grown up...you have grown up. Jhumi didi to me...will never be the most educated lady in the family. She will always be the pillar of strength. I was a toddler in the school, she was in the highest class in junior school - everyday, during break, she'd make it a point that she comes to meet me in my class. That I have such a big sister to protect me, was such a comfort in a rather unknown place that school was initially...loved to meet her after such a long time...old memories never fade...do they?
Some obvious thoughts that came to my mind today was regarding my marriage. My preferences apart, shouldn't I give my parents a chance to feel this happiness? Why should I keep torturing them for my inexplicable whims for undeserving people? Is it really so difficult to settle down with a person of their choice?
And as I kept thinking about this, only one person came to my mind...a person who doesn't seem to care...is it that I'm too much in a hurry that I don't have time to read his mind? Or is it that I am too much in love with him to accept the truth, that he is not even thinking about it? My love stories don't usually work out right? At times people lose interest after 5 years of courtship, at times barely within two months, at times they don't know my mind at all, or perhaps knowingly ignore. How long can this child's play go on? I know life has a lot of loopholes may be, but life has these immense satisfactions too. Of seeing your family tree grow, giving birth to your kids, getting them educated, marrying them off, welcoming the grand kids, and what can be more pleasurable than bringing home the grand daughter in law - to continue the legacy.
I have to take time and think...but I can't continue this directionless life anymore...
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