Bittersweet is a very common phrase. There must be a reason why we are taught not to bare ourselves completely. Because, when you learn, that what you were trying to give, from the innermost core of your heart, was not important enough (or important at all) to the other person, then you feel very weak, very lost.
To think, I am a proper Sagittarian. To think, when I dream, it doesn't know any bound. And from the first day that I have understood love, I have always felt (and dreamed) that my partner will love me even more than I do.
I might be a very wretched person. But my birthday is important to me. I know now how overboard I had gone. How much I had dreamed without deserving it. To think of aiming for Pegasus when I am totally irrelevant in his life.
I remember two years back, hoping against hope that he will call once, he will never manage to leave me forever. And I remember my bossie's mails. Boasting how consistently he manages to forget my birthday every time. But, this time, swear on God, I didn't foresee that he won't even care to wish me.
Birthday was otherwise good. High point being the meeting with Ananya, and the spontaneous tears we shed together, the shopping we did, the toddlers' film (even children's film will be an understatement for Gosaibaganer Bhoot) we watched together...and in general the madness we enjoyed.
I close the day with a song which both inspires and haunts:
Jeevan ke dukhon se yun darrte nahi hai...
Aise bachke sach se gujarte nahi hai...
Sukh ki hai chah to dukh bhi sehna hai...
I'd very much like to have an idea just how much dukh should be enough...to at least be able to dream about sukh without this terrible repentance.
When the most important person in your life manages to make you cry on your birthday, just tell me, if any repentance is enough to make up for giving him the pedestal?
Anyways, thanks to the numerous people for whom I have probably never spared a thought, but who happened to wish me. They have taught me a very big lesson.
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