The romantic...

A man you dream about all night, almost every night of your life, you do get some right on him, don't you? A man who is the only reason you are tolerating this intolerable mess of a life?

I can't tell him the truth...I can't lie to him either, I'd choke if I try to hide anything from him...so tell me what else I could have done? I don't believe that God knows what's best for me. So far as I can see, God must have somehow missed me in His records. So it boils down to him and me. Yes, it was a mistake. I failed to select him when he was all parts intact for the me who was not all chopped up yet. I accept the broken him for the broken me.

Well, now, back to normalcy. You know, it all boils down to the fact of making the most of it. I am doing that. I am watching movies, reading books and I am trying to get a grip on my weight gain problem. I am doing my duties diligently. Apart from that I am learning to ignore things that bother me, and be on my own most of the time. It doesn't help much being with people. In some way or the other I end up feeling cheated or bereft. You see, because compromise is the basis of the human society, and compromise seems to be such a cuss word to me, I'd better be left lonely. Haughty, defying and lonely. Ah Ms. Ray, will you be able to cope up with the loneliness all your life? I am not sure about that, but I must try. Particularly when I really seems to have lost patience with all wrong people and the right people just refuse to come by me.

I just like having my whims as the occasional fun elements in life. Is that so wrong? So I wrote him this long long letter. Then I realized what অভিমান is...no man, I don't send you letters anymore. I don't seek clarifications, nor do I need to give explanations. I can't help you. Not because I am angry or hurt or you don't deserve my compassion or it won't help. None of these reasons. I just don't want to come in your way anymore. I tried my best, for two consecutive days, to send the mail. I failed miserably. I couldn't force myself further to do something that I don't want to do. I am sure it will never see the light of the day. My precious letter, such a perfect mixture of truth and lie. "No, I don't hate you" - what is the point in writing that? Twisting words?...Finally feeling good that I chose not to send the mail...

I watched Hachi last night. Tomorrow I am going to watch Jungle book. Life moves on...