An Epitaph...

Kutu - my first and only pet - Rest in Peace my Dear Angel...

This minuscule photo is where I assume Kutu will live on. This was taken during Durga Puja last year, I just recently noticed her lazing in the background of our happy family photograph and cropped it.

I never had a particular preference for her, she was not pretty. I used to treat the strays in my road just as I would treat any stray anywhere on earth – with a little of care that doesn’t matter to them.

Two things changed my equation with Kutu. Avik-da’s visit to our house around Christmas last year, when he said few things while playing with the strays – as we waited for his bus. He said, they are very undemanding, even if you have no food to give, they will hang around just to get a little pat on the head. He also said, what if they bite? Someday they might bite, but they haven’t yet bitten him till now. And then came Kutu’s puppies, the excitement of the kids of our neighbor just to see them, one fine Sunday morning, they were running and cycling up and down the road, and I joined them and called out to them – shall we think of names for them? The kids nodded eagerly.

I started feeding Kutu just because I was fond of her pups, and they couldn’t eat bread. They lived on her milk. It was not that I was not scared of being bitten, but Avik-da’s words gave me some courage, and I remember retorting to my mother once, saying “they are more trustworthy than many human beings” – when feeding her.

I had no idea Kutu was destined to face such a brutal death, some inhuman being would beat and stab her with iron rods. I didn’t know she had to face so much ignominy and humiliation, her body would be lying unattended for more than two days, her legs jutting out at an unnatural angle, showing her swelling underbelly, a glistening white…that I never noticed before now. In this life time I will never forget the visual of her babies clawing at their dead mother, with each sunrise, they would come back with hope that she might wake up. I will never forgive the corporation people, who are procrastinating in their duty of taking her away, making people loathe Kutu all the more, fearing that she will start smelling. Oh, she could have been spared such a death. But bless her soul, she was a noble lady indeed, she doesn’t yet smell.

As I sit in this shadow of death and despair, I wish her a better afterlife. I thank her for having given me important lessons of life. I have seen her shivering in the cold and yet keeping her babies warm. She never begged for food. While she ate, she took care that her babies don’t bother me. She was always teaching her babies to be well mannered. The people who have killed Kutu have probably killed her entire family, and a part of me too.

I am happy that she had a full life, grew up amid life’s atrocities, found friends, and had babies. I wish she could have seen her kids grow up. I will miss her. I have promised to myself, I will never attempt to feed another dog or become emotionally involved. I have lost my love for her kids too. It was my fault that I adopted her and then couldn’t take enough care of her. Please forgive me. Please be born again, somewhere, and let this not be the end.