After a long time I discovered my motherly nature. I am too much of a mom - I get worried even when some school going children try to cross the road unattended...(well to confess, I feel similar emotions for doggies to).
I just need some quiet time I guess. Away from everyone. And I'd be healed. I can't help it - it is my habit to care for people I love. But then everyone has brought their own destiny. And there are people who I can't bear to let go from my life.
I was telling my best friend (the lady best friend) - the other day, that I hate the men in her life, they have never treated her well. Imagine my predicament when she calls up last afternoon to declare that she is drunk, as per her own will, and she was challenged to call me up and confess that. You may get drunk as per your own will, but why yield to a challenge to declare that? Why have an extra marital relationship after all - that too with a person who challenges you? I fail to understand with my limited knowledge of human relationships - and I can't think of a life without her. She's been there forever, since the last 20 years - she is the only logic I have to convince myself that friends don't leave me for my own fault. All I told her yesterday was to inform me once she reaches home safely. She didn't do that. I didn't call her back. At times you need to let things be, the way they are.
My dad - he fails to understand that he is growing old. The doctor advised him 7 days bed rest, and he didn't drop office for one single day. All through last week I had to cut my working hours to fetch him from office - and he'd keep grumbling, "I am not earning a penny here, why do you keep wasting your money on me?" All these while, he didn't find time to get the tests done, and he refuses to get it done from the nearby hospital - he insists on a cheaper place. When? How can you drive sense into someone's head when he refuses to listen to you?
And my undefined guy (I don't know what to call him) - I just can't bring myself up to be bitter to him. Whatever normal nonsense I say seems to hurt him, how can I give him bitterness even in a disguised form? And without that bitterness, I don't really think I'd be able to help him in any way. And then, has he ever asked for my help? He must have other more caring friends, if they can't stop him from wasting his life, how can I? And after all, it is best when you learn your lesson on your own, right? And how can I even say he is "wasting" his life. Similar situations don't always lead to similar consequences, right? He might get what he is waiting for. But how I wish he'd stop doing the things he dislikes so much (eating, sleeping and having medicines) and be brave enough to face his woes. Courage is a very necessary aspect of one's life - I have learned it the hard way. I was forbidden to eat my favorite things, prawns, ice cream - there was a time when I had to be on year long medication. I never listened to the doctor, and now my asthma hardly bothers me. I have my inhaler with me more as a keepsake than an emergency. I don't know...may be I am just frustrated. I get very upset with people reluctant to inculcate their potential (look who's talking - a girl who is anyways living in chunks...)
I should stop thinking, when I can't make a difference. How beautiful last morning seemed. I woke up when it was still dark, reached out for my ipod, put it in shuffle mode, and the very second song was Mann Mohana, a song which always calms me down. If you'd believe, I literally fell asleep again while listening to songs, and woke up after about an hour. Even today I woke up pretty early, but I don't feel similar emotions. I feel lonely, drained and helpless. I feel withdrawn...
PS - I chose to move the curtains in my room and let some sunlight seep in. She told me that he is positive energy for me, he makes me look visibly prettier. I don't understand the concept of someone giving me positivity, himself being in such a negative condition. But in my mind I know that she said the truth, I am living life after a long long time, amid all my apparent troubles.
I don't know a more positive entity than the sun...and thank God for the omnipresence of light :)
You know what? There are more time pockets than I ever knew. Saturday was so hectic for me - meeting at the university, getting a gift, buying dad's newspaper - tried two stalls, both of them had sold out the particular paper - so I had to head to the station. Everything was normal till I had paid for the paper - and then, a train came, there was lots of noise, I looked around - and time simply stood still. It was such a happy feeling, such an overwhelming joy took me over - I can't explain...
I just need some quiet time I guess. Away from everyone. And I'd be healed. I can't help it - it is my habit to care for people I love. But then everyone has brought their own destiny. And there are people who I can't bear to let go from my life.
I was telling my best friend (the lady best friend) - the other day, that I hate the men in her life, they have never treated her well. Imagine my predicament when she calls up last afternoon to declare that she is drunk, as per her own will, and she was challenged to call me up and confess that. You may get drunk as per your own will, but why yield to a challenge to declare that? Why have an extra marital relationship after all - that too with a person who challenges you? I fail to understand with my limited knowledge of human relationships - and I can't think of a life without her. She's been there forever, since the last 20 years - she is the only logic I have to convince myself that friends don't leave me for my own fault. All I told her yesterday was to inform me once she reaches home safely. She didn't do that. I didn't call her back. At times you need to let things be, the way they are.
My dad - he fails to understand that he is growing old. The doctor advised him 7 days bed rest, and he didn't drop office for one single day. All through last week I had to cut my working hours to fetch him from office - and he'd keep grumbling, "I am not earning a penny here, why do you keep wasting your money on me?" All these while, he didn't find time to get the tests done, and he refuses to get it done from the nearby hospital - he insists on a cheaper place. When? How can you drive sense into someone's head when he refuses to listen to you?
And my undefined guy (I don't know what to call him) - I just can't bring myself up to be bitter to him. Whatever normal nonsense I say seems to hurt him, how can I give him bitterness even in a disguised form? And without that bitterness, I don't really think I'd be able to help him in any way. And then, has he ever asked for my help? He must have other more caring friends, if they can't stop him from wasting his life, how can I? And after all, it is best when you learn your lesson on your own, right? And how can I even say he is "wasting" his life. Similar situations don't always lead to similar consequences, right? He might get what he is waiting for. But how I wish he'd stop doing the things he dislikes so much (eating, sleeping and having medicines) and be brave enough to face his woes. Courage is a very necessary aspect of one's life - I have learned it the hard way. I was forbidden to eat my favorite things, prawns, ice cream - there was a time when I had to be on year long medication. I never listened to the doctor, and now my asthma hardly bothers me. I have my inhaler with me more as a keepsake than an emergency. I don't know...may be I am just frustrated. I get very upset with people reluctant to inculcate their potential (look who's talking - a girl who is anyways living in chunks...)
I should stop thinking, when I can't make a difference. How beautiful last morning seemed. I woke up when it was still dark, reached out for my ipod, put it in shuffle mode, and the very second song was Mann Mohana, a song which always calms me down. If you'd believe, I literally fell asleep again while listening to songs, and woke up after about an hour. Even today I woke up pretty early, but I don't feel similar emotions. I feel lonely, drained and helpless. I feel withdrawn...
PS - I chose to move the curtains in my room and let some sunlight seep in. She told me that he is positive energy for me, he makes me look visibly prettier. I don't understand the concept of someone giving me positivity, himself being in such a negative condition. But in my mind I know that she said the truth, I am living life after a long long time, amid all my apparent troubles.
I don't know a more positive entity than the sun...and thank God for the omnipresence of light :)
You know what? There are more time pockets than I ever knew. Saturday was so hectic for me - meeting at the university, getting a gift, buying dad's newspaper - tried two stalls, both of them had sold out the particular paper - so I had to head to the station. Everything was normal till I had paid for the paper - and then, a train came, there was lots of noise, I looked around - and time simply stood still. It was such a happy feeling, such an overwhelming joy took me over - I can't explain...
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