I have fought such a long battle against my jobless existence
(and uncertainty of freelancing) all these while, but now that it is over and I
finally have a proper job offer in hand, and if things go right I am to stay in
this job for the next five years – I don’t really feel the enthusiasm to write
about it. I had my interview yesterday, and it is funny that I didn't get time
till now to sit and write a small entry. Instead I was engrossed in finishing
up my revision of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, as if there’d be no
tomorrow. I was glued to the book till late night yesterday, till I found
myself complaining “I will die if I don’t sleep now”. I was exhausted. It has
been such a long and draining ordeal – these 8 months of wait. I feel somewhat of a similarity to the saying “justice
delayed is justice denied”. Too much of wait gets you so fatigued that when you
finally get the cherished result, you don’t feel any elation. I was like, ok
cool, I can now revive my old spending habit. This constrained and budgeted existence
was taking a toll on me. I just had some snacks to celebrate with my parents,
offered some sweet to God, and that was more or less all.
In fact I enjoyed last Thursday evening a lot more. Afternoon
was a bit tensed, since I hadn't till gotten an invite for the interview, and
it was clearly written in the advertisement that the interview would be
conducted on or before 30th May, 2014. Well, my university senior
who’s been helping me all these while (I really can’t express my gratitude to
him in words) made a call to a professor who was in charge of the project, and
she in turn contacted the professor who was supposed to send out invite
mailers. Within 5 minutes I received an email saying “Sorry, this id was missed
out”. Over the years, I have grown to be a suspicious person, so I couldn't
help thinking if this was some sabotage. So you see, even though I had a
reasonably good interview the next day, I had to keep my fingers crossed till
all three professors in the interview panel came up and told me that I have
been selected (I haven’t still received an official appointment letter mind
you!) Whatever, after I had received the invite, I set off for South City mall
to meet Ananya and her daughter. And I had a ball of a time there. We played
games in Reliance timeout, and then went to KFC and had snacks. The kiddo was
ecstatic playing with Talking Tom in my phone (I had just updated to the latest
version) – and you know, it is just a different life when you are with a kid.
They get so happy with such small small things – like we went to the cookie
shop and she got busy selecting gingerman biscuits with green eyes and pink
noses. Ya, her mom spoils her a lot, never says no to whatever she wants, but
despite all that, she is such a lovely kid. Ananya keeps telling me that she
looks more like me than like her. And she is so taken to me that she’d hold my
hand and roam around till the time she’d be with me. She’d seldom remember her
mom. You know, the biggest gift I have got since I returned to Kolkata is reunion
with my school friends. Tomorrow Pamela is going to visit us with her son, and
I am looking forward to another wonderful day. The days of loneliness in
Bangalore are long gone.
All said and done, I can definitely understand that my
spirit is revived to a great extent. I am happy and carefree once again. I am
planning about getting the gadgets and furniture that I have been thinking
about since the time I came back, but there was not enough money. Once we are
done with the little bit of construction work that is required in the garage, I
guess I’d be all set to finally get my car as well. Like I said, I am
definitely not exalted, but I feel much better than before.
A but always remains, no? Why was I so tensed about the
results on Friday, and why no better idea came to me to pass the time except
browsing Facebook? I had to see some unpleasant show-offish photo of that loathsome
person and his long toothed wife. Seemed like they have bought some new flat
(not a big deal when you purposefully choose a rich father in law and prefer
money over love) – but the photos still left a bitter after taste. I don’t love
him anymore, but because I didn't slap him and kick him publicly for his behavior,
his shamelessness will always keep tormenting me. At times revenge is the only
thing that gives you peace.
I was feeling puke-ish seeing their ugly photos, in one of
which he is showing a lot of PDA towards his wife. I am not at all saying that
PDA with your wife is something objectionable, but when you have had similar
relationships with other girls and deserted them, your actions look definitely gross.
I closed Facebook and kept wondering if God has any plan of punishing such
people instead of wrecking havoc in lives of simple and honest people who deserve
none of it. Soon after, I got to know that I have cracked the interview. The
professors were suddenly very friendly, and the lady I mentioned earlier even
offered to drop me home in her car. I got down a bit earlier so that she wouldn't
have to do a detour. As I walked home,
the sentiment that reigned was relief. Even when you feel that all is lost, not
actually everything is over. There are evil people and cruel incidents which
try to destroy you, but if you keep fighting, you are sure to land up
somewhere.
I hope the happiness will show itself gradually. The happiness of finally getting some root, being able to stay in my own house and decorating it bit by bit, getting to read Bengali books, may be wearing saree at work for the first time...I can only promise to myself that albeit lonely, I won't let myself be lost ever again in a meaningless existence.
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