I cried a bit today...the entire day's routine went topsy turvy, didn't feel like going to the university, couldn't even bring myself up for attending my Wednesday course at the American Center. Was having a severe headache, still kept crying till my eyes were red. Had to take a Saridon after ages. After ages I allowed myself to cry before my parents, I usually take care that I brood alone, so that it doesn't affect them. Like I said, everything went wrong today. And what was the reason?
Today finally the MNC told that they are keeping my candidature on hold. It was a stupid kind of mail, but on further probing through the person who had referred me (he even went and contacted the interview panel) - it came out that the interview went well but the position has already been sourced internally (which information also I sincerely doubt - I guess it is something even more fishy). The mail from HR was vague to say the least:
Thanks for your cooperation on the interviews.
How are you supposed to react to such a mail? Fitment issue? Why did you ever arrange for the interview then, that too two levels? Did you check with me if I was ready to negotiate on the band/salary etc to facilitate fitment?
On last Thursday, over the phone I was told that the process is on hold for BU head approval - why was this information not shared right then?
The position was available from 18th December 2013 (as per the initial mails) - I applied on 4th March and my interview was arranged on 28th March (why the delay?) - if in this long a time the position couldn't be filled up internally, how come it is not available anymore all of a sudden?
See, I am basically an analytical person, I can detect inconsistencies very easily. But if I write these things back to the HR, what purpose will it serve? They don't have any reason to care. Human resources come cheap in this country. And trust me, till you don't suffer, you will never understand the agony and anguish of a person who is in pain or trouble.
So my struggling period continues. The "so called" wise people will say - oh you yourself are the idiot who threw everything overboard. How can I explain to them the happiness in having a simple meal with family and thereby contest their worldly wisdom?
What upsets me is the amount of hope I invested with this opportunity. I really thought I would now have an answer to all the insult, ignorance and pity that people have been shoving my way. For a while I literally lived in the hope that my old life will be back. I really used to love the work I did, and I did it with a lot of earnestness. It is still difficult to digest the absence of that aspect of my life...way a newly crippled person might feel about loss of his limb. Unknowingly he'd act as if it were still there...and then...like lightening strike he realizes the truth - no it is not there.
I hate the God who makes me go through so much for no fault of mine and indulges malpractices. I'd love to love Him the way I did, and no, I won't dictate about in what way He should or should not play God. But then, if this is God's way of running the world, we'd better part ways. I'm a fighter anyways, if I don't believe in God, at least I won't blame Him when I lose my battles. As it appears, He has designed my fate in such a way that I don't have much opportunity to thank Him anyways. So He doesn't lose much if I stop believing in Him.
I feel terrible, I feel as if my world has plunged into darkness once again. At the same time a rational voice within me says may be I have been spared from working with such an organization - whose ways are so vague and non ethical. I hate starting the circle once again, applying for jobs, approaching people who don't care, feeling like a beggar. I put in my best effort, I prayed with all my heart, but like always, everything was fruitless. It is better not to dream than to see your dreams getting shattered. But then I'd never learn it - so long as I want to live, so long as this survival instinct keeps working within me.
Today finally the MNC told that they are keeping my candidature on hold. It was a stupid kind of mail, but on further probing through the person who had referred me (he even went and contacted the interview panel) - it came out that the interview went well but the position has already been sourced internally (which information also I sincerely doubt - I guess it is something even more fishy). The mail from HR was vague to say the least:
We have got the feedback for your level 2 interview.
As per the feedback your candidature is ON HOLD and we are unable to process it further.
We
will contact you in future if the requirement is opened up again, but
for our current positions we are unable to fit you in the role.
How are you supposed to react to such a mail? Fitment issue? Why did you ever arrange for the interview then, that too two levels? Did you check with me if I was ready to negotiate on the band/salary etc to facilitate fitment?
On last Thursday, over the phone I was told that the process is on hold for BU head approval - why was this information not shared right then?
The position was available from 18th December 2013 (as per the initial mails) - I applied on 4th March and my interview was arranged on 28th March (why the delay?) - if in this long a time the position couldn't be filled up internally, how come it is not available anymore all of a sudden?
See, I am basically an analytical person, I can detect inconsistencies very easily. But if I write these things back to the HR, what purpose will it serve? They don't have any reason to care. Human resources come cheap in this country. And trust me, till you don't suffer, you will never understand the agony and anguish of a person who is in pain or trouble.
So my struggling period continues. The "so called" wise people will say - oh you yourself are the idiot who threw everything overboard. How can I explain to them the happiness in having a simple meal with family and thereby contest their worldly wisdom?
What upsets me is the amount of hope I invested with this opportunity. I really thought I would now have an answer to all the insult, ignorance and pity that people have been shoving my way. For a while I literally lived in the hope that my old life will be back. I really used to love the work I did, and I did it with a lot of earnestness. It is still difficult to digest the absence of that aspect of my life...way a newly crippled person might feel about loss of his limb. Unknowingly he'd act as if it were still there...and then...like lightening strike he realizes the truth - no it is not there.
I hate the God who makes me go through so much for no fault of mine and indulges malpractices. I'd love to love Him the way I did, and no, I won't dictate about in what way He should or should not play God. But then, if this is God's way of running the world, we'd better part ways. I'm a fighter anyways, if I don't believe in God, at least I won't blame Him when I lose my battles. As it appears, He has designed my fate in such a way that I don't have much opportunity to thank Him anyways. So He doesn't lose much if I stop believing in Him.
I feel terrible, I feel as if my world has plunged into darkness once again. At the same time a rational voice within me says may be I have been spared from working with such an organization - whose ways are so vague and non ethical. I hate starting the circle once again, applying for jobs, approaching people who don't care, feeling like a beggar. I put in my best effort, I prayed with all my heart, but like always, everything was fruitless. It is better not to dream than to see your dreams getting shattered. But then I'd never learn it - so long as I want to live, so long as this survival instinct keeps working within me.
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